What is in a marriage relationship? In order to ponder over this question, one will have to first examine the differences between animals and plants in their capacity to think and resolve problems. Unlike the animals and plants, God had endowed human beings with a powerful mind that can be used proactively, imaginatively and responsibly. According to scientists, the human mind thinks at a rate of 1000 words per minute. It is therefore clear that God wants us to maximize our minds to be positive, resourceful, innovative and constructive so that we can help find solutions to many challenges in life. Obviously, we cannot rely on old solutions to solve marital problems.
We need to boldly delve for new methods to keep marriages intact. More than ever, this means liberating our thinking, daring to admit our mistakes and weaknesses within a marriage relationship, and above all, being forbearing and affectionate within the confines of the matrimonial home. So what are the basic elements of a marriage relationship? In other words, what does a marriage relationship consist of?
A Marriage Relationship Should Comprise Love And Loyalty
Have you ever asked yourself: How much do I love my partner? If the answer is yes – and of course I expect it to be so. Then the second question becomes even more important: How much loyalty do I accord my partner? In any marriage relationship, love happens naturally, but one has to work hard on loyalty. Loyalty doesn’t just occur simply because I love “her” or “him”. After all, how many spouses do love their partners dearly yet they still stray from the marital bed? Being loyal means being a true lover. In order to be loyal, you have to work on these core elements:
- Truthfulness: Truthfulness is essential because it contributes to earning a good reputation vis-à-vis your spouse. Which goes a long way toward enhancing one spouse’s long-range credibility in the eyes of their partner.
- Precision: Precision is the moral and intellectual accuracy needed to tide couples over until the good times arrive. The idea here is that, the moral and intellectual accuracy of a spouse enables them to know one thing that is absolutely true – that none of them is absolutely flawless. This allows the spouses to be forgiving and accepting the fact that none of them is perfect, and to a certain point, will continue to have flaws. However, the striving of each of them to improve is what every successful marriage relationship should consist of.
- Calmness: Calmness, good temper and patience permit spouses to maintain an air of detachment in dealing with any marital issues.
- Modesty: Modesty should be a central quality of every spouse – especially – if they want to resolve their differences amicably. All spouses should avoid vanity and should not be flattered, or worse, boast about their previous relationships with others and how better those relationships were.
True Love Should Replace Infatuation In A Marriage Relationship
Any marriage relationship should never be built on infatuation. A person completely infatuated with someone else could be considered to be a fake lover, because they have only been attracted to the opposite sex, and it could be that the one being admired is even not aware of it. It could also happen that there be a mutual attraction. And this mutual attraction could cause in them a slight and burning sensation and a desire to get together – which soon ends if any on them leaves the scene. For love to be said to be a true one, it must be felt in the hearts of both parties.
True love that occurs in a marriage relationship is all-inclusive and pervasive than infatuation. If you truly love someone, you love everything about him or her. Do not say: ” I married you because I admired your round and soft face, or your big eyes or your eloquence.” In this case, your marriage to this person is only dependent on a particular trait or characteristic in the one being admired. Your admiration for this person could make tears drop down freely from your cheeks, and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you will not be said to have fallen head over heels in love. No matter the intensity of your admiration, it does not reach the degree of true love.
Therefore, there exists a great difference between someone who, because they are (temporarily) filled with intense love for you exchanges marriage vows with you and someone, who truly loves you. True love is more pristine and more deep-rooted than infatuation. In a marriage relationship, true love is more commendable, infatuation could be pretentious that could finally lead to flippancy in addressing some concerns after marriage. On the other hand, true love does not disappear from the heart of the lover, buy stays there and increases in intensity even if a marriage between the two has ended. But how will a marriage whose foundation was built on true love – and not infatuation – even end in divorce?
Consider Your Partners As Your Garments In A Marriage Relationship
The Holy Qur’an says about two (married) lovers:
“…They are your garments
And ye are their garments…” (Qur’an, 2:187)
This remains an eloquent description of true love. The fabric used in making this garment is love; the threads used in sewing it is love; and finally, the embroidery on the garment is also designed with love. Men and women (in marriage) according to the Holy Qur’an, are each other’s garments. They are meant for mutual support; mutual comfort; mutual protection: fitting into each other as a garment fits the body. These garments are supposed to be made as the buyer specifies. In other words, you would not buy a garment you don’t love. You would not become a garment for someone you don’t love.
Relationships between married couples could be intense but short – indeed as short as a one night stand. It could also last longer, but could still lack the closeness and intensity associated with the type of marriage relationship that prides itself on true love.
You are welcome to leave your comments below.