If you love something dearly, you guard it jealously. Likewise, if you possess gold and diamonds, you strive to protect them from being stolen. Therefore, in the relationship between husband and wife in Islam, the main ingredient in this relationship is how to preserve the love that is expected to last throughout their marriage lives. The Muslim Holy Book, The Holy Qur’an, addresses women in the following words:
” And say to the believing women
That they should lower their gaze
And guard their modesty; that they
Should not display their beauty
And ornaments except what (ordinarily)
Appears thereof; that they should draw
Veils over their bosoms and not display
Their beauty except to their husbands…(Qur’an, 24:31).
A Woman Should Dress More Grandiosely At Home
A woman is more content with the love given to her by her husband, then why the gaze at other men? Why the adornments to show off their beauty to other men? The rule of modesty applies to men as well as women. A brazen stare by a man at a woman is breach of refined manners. Where sex is concerned, modesty is not only good form; it is not only to guard the weaker sex, but also to guard the spiritual good of the stronger sex. The need for modesty is for both men and women; but on the account of the differentiation of the sexes in nature, temperaments, and social life; a greater amount of privacy is required for women than men, especially in the matter of dress and the uncovering of the bosom.
Why shouldn’t a woman dress more grandiosely at her home just for the eyes of her husband – indirectly telling him that – she is the Commander-in- Chief and no one else?
And why shouldn’t a man do the same for his wife at home? Instead, what we see in the cities today are some women exposing their beauties to attract attention and some men dressing awkwardly to look “cute”. For instance, a woman at home may not clean up for days, however, when it’s time to go out with her other friends, and knowing that it’s likely she might meet other men; she might immediately make an appointment with a hair stylist – not only that – and even a beautician!
In some parts of the Muslim world, there are these Muslim women who would look more beautiful only when they are attending weddings, funerals and child-naming ceremonies. What of those unfortunate men they leave at home? They are left to wallow in the whirlpool of a loveless marriage. Were they not the men you vowed to love with all your hearts? If these men realize they are now in deep “trouble” regarding their marriage lives, what would you expect them to do?
They would also start making appointments with their plastic surgeons – if they are wealthy enough to do so – trying to add to, take away from, or make a general overhaul of their eyes, noses, ears, lips and teeth – with the sole intention of becoming “cute”, not for their wives but to other women.
Some Men Begin To Live In Other Women’s World Due To The Woman’s Fault.
In a scenario where a woman dresses for other men, the man at home may also begin to retaliate by seeing their dentists to replace their incisors (front teeth) that they lost years back – and had neglected for a long time!
As they get more “cute”, things may then start to fall apart – until the center can no longer hold ( to borrow Chinua Achebe’s words in Things Fall Apart), These neglected men then begin to live in other women’s world. After a while, when these women also realize that their husbands now come back late from work, they begin to wonder.
Some women, instead of looking for answers in order to fix the problem, they rather become more aggressive by doing the same old things – as a means of retaliating. Worse than this, some women might even seek help from soothsayers. In the case of Africa and in some parts of the Arab world and Asia, some women might also employ the services of le marabout – a French word used in African parlance to denote a specialist who uses verse of the Holy Qur’an to prepare certain concoctions as a cure to certain types of ailments. These marabouts are also known to prepare love potions for both men and women. Some of them even claim to divine the future.
Winning a man or a woman’s love by using a love potion, or by employing the services of a soothsayer, and for that a matter a marabout. Is a disservice to true love. It doesn’t usually stand the test of time. Some believe that good marriages are made in Heaven, but this writer would tell you that the maintenance work must be done right down here by lovers themselves.
Ten Key Points For Women To Contemplate In A Marital Home
- Accord him a beautiful reception after he returns from work, school, travel. Begin with a good greeting and a cheerful face.
- Beautify and soften your voice for your husband.
- Smell good and beautify your self physically. Take a good care of your body and fitness.
- Hasten for sexual intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
- Show appreciation to your husband. Cherish all that he has been doing for your sake.
- Hasten to apologize to him if he has been hurt by your unbecoming attitude. Try to avoid what will make him angry in the first place.
- Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
that the husbands don’t like other people to know about. Take care of the house and children. Take care of his money and properties.
- Show respect to his family and friends.
- Be patient and offer emotional support to your husband in difficult times.
- Be a good housekeeper. Keep the house clean, decorated and well-arranged.
There are this married men who leave their homes during the darkness of the night in order to spend time with their mistresses – leaving their wives deprived of love and affection. These men sometimes return to their homes just before daybreak. Intoxicated and with befuddled minds, they often mistake their live-in maids for their wives! There are also those women who betray their husbands, spending several “dark nights” during their absence from home – entertaining other men. Needless to say, some people still believe good marriages are made in Heaven. If you are among those who believe in that, then it is time for you to change your mindset and accept the reality that “the maintenance work” to keep these marriages intact must be done right down here!
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