How many husbands today would sweep their wives up into their hands, squeeze the breath out of them (and in an ecstasy of delight), cry out aloud – I love you Honey!.
She Divorced Her Husband For The Lack Of Foreplay
A young Muslim woman I met some years ago divorced her ‘father-husband’ – a term I employ to refer to a man whose daughter is older than his wife. For instance, a 56 year-old man married to a 16 year-old kid. She complained that, anytime they wanted to have sex, the man only recited the expression Bismillaah – a Qur’anic expression meaning “In The Name Of Allah” – and the pounces on her without any foreplay.
Essentially, he was not romantic. Although, it is highly recommended that, Muslims, before undertaking any action (even including making love to each other), repeat this expression. This man erroneously thought that saying Bismallaah alone did the trick! He was dead wrong! And, although, divorce should be avoided as much as possible, a Muslim woman has the right to seek divorce due to the lack of sexual satisfaction. This young woman did exactly that.
The Story Of The Three Love “Porcupines”
An African man I met intimated to me that he often beats up his wife if he wanted to make love to her. He had two wives at the time. When I asked him his reason for doing that, he said his second wife was often very stubborn. But does this problem exist in Africa alone? Also do consider this Chinese saying: “If you do not beat up you wife every three days, she will start tearing up the roof tiles.” Meaning that a wife not frequently beaten is a wife out of control.
It’s so amazing! Wife beating before sex and wife beating to assert effective control over her. Here is a Cambodian man who was so infuriated when he came home and found his wife out and no lunch served on the table. He set fire to the family house and burnt it to the ground. The 37 year-old husband torched his house to teach his wife a lesson. He then turned himself in to the police. The man was then temporarily detained in a local police jail – where he was assured of regular meals. One can imagine what would have happened had this man met his wife inside the family home.
Its’s Either Four Cows Before Marriage Or Nothing Else – After all He Is An Illiterate
“I will never marry that man, Mr. Ifeanyichukwu : if he fails to at least dole out four cows as a marriage gift to me… after all he’s an illiterate”. Ngozi a female college graduate from Nigeria asserted with confidence.
“Then why do you even think of marrying him – knowing very well that he’s an illiterate; or is it because he ‘s famously rich?” A true love advocate questioned Ngozi.
“No”. Ngozi denied.
Digressing from the conversation a bit, this true love advocate asked:
“Ngozi, what’s the meaning of this name? I know most of these names from your part of the world has profound meanings.”
“It translates in the Igbo dialect as ‘nothing is too big for God to do'”
“How about yours, Ngozi?”
“It means ‘Blessing'”.
Switching back to their original conversation, The questioner asked:
“But what has four cows got to do with your love for Mr. Ifeanyichukwu who is rich but illiterate?” The questioner insisted.
An eerie silence ensued. The questioner continued:
” Choose one: Four cows or your true love for Mr. Ifeanyichukwu. You can’t eat your cake and have it.
“But are you sure I will get true love from Mr. Ifeanyichukwu? Hmm…these rich men…my asking him to pay four cows is customary; it’s not me who is demanding them for myself; They are meant for the ‘elders’, and for our customary rites – not for me Ngozi.” She insisted.
The questioner began to look pensive when he heard what she had said about elders and customary rites.
Ngozi continued: ” I swear if he fails to pay four cows as a dower, all my love for him will disappear…he must give out those four cows or else…”
At this point the questioner became so shocked that he ended the conversation.
What should true lovers do if there happen to be a clash between customs and true love? Why did Ngozi even consider marrying this man despite the fact that they were incompatible intellectually, physically and socially? This was a young trendy and beautiful graduate from an American University vis-à-vis an old; bald-headed; old fashioned; big belly; and illiterate man.
Was that because Mr. Ifeanyichukwu was famously rich, or was it because Ngozi was sure of having financial security by getting married to this man? If Ngozi finally decides to marry Mr. Ifeanyichukwu, what would be the fate of her boyfriend whose intention – so far – isn’t matrimonial? Will Ngozi succeed in killing two birds with one stone?
That is marrying Mr. Ifeanyichukwu and still holding fast to her boyfriend? To be sure, Ngozi wasn’t bothered about having a secure and loving relationship with this man. She was afraid her friends would ridicule her for accepting something less for her dower and for agreeing to marry such an old-fashioned man who looked as unromantic as a Church mouse!
This man, Mr Ifeanyichukwu too was so resolute in his refusal to pay four cows as a marriage gift to his “sweetheart” Ngozi. He was so rich that he could even have afforded to buy her a BMW saloon car! Undoubtedly, this could have given her some sort of re-assurance about his love for her. My own guess was that Mr. Ifeanyichukwu was reserving the gift of a BMW saloon car for a rainy day – to see if Ngozi truly loved him.
He knew he couldn’t have avoided offering Ngozi a marriage gift. But the idea of four cows bothered him so much. The million dollar question now hanging on this writer’s lips is this: Who appears to be the true lover? Is it Mr. Ifeanyichukwu or Ngozi? It is left to the reader to decide.
True Love Is The Actual Casualty
It is small wonder that the true meaning of love has been lost in this present day. Looking at the three stories narrated above, the casualty here has been true love. Why do we feel so shy about admitting being in love with someone we think he is of a lower status in society? Why do we often feel shy to admit that we have been bought with love and not with money or status?
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