In order to help us better understand the differences between infatuation and true love, I found out that the Holy Qur’an, The Holy Book of the Muslims, provided me with a better understanding of what love is all about. The Qur’an states about true love.
“… They are your garments. And ye are their garments…” Qur’an, 2:187.
I found this to be an eloquent description of true love. For the fabric used in making this “garment” is love. The threads used in sewing it is love; and finally, the embroidery on the garment is love. Men and women are each other’s garment. They are for mutual support; mutual comfort; mutual protection – fixing into each other as a garment fits the body.
Let’s bear in mind that the “garments” mentioned above are custom- made. They are made as the buyer specifies. In other words, you would not buy a garment you don’t love. On the other hand, you would not become a “garment” for someone you don’t love. From the viewpoint of romantic love, this is a clear indictment against those Muslims who would force their daughters to marry men they would otherwise be unwilling to marry.
In other words, there should never be a marriage that is devoid of mutual love. Much to my indignation, this practice is still very common in some Muslim communities in Africa, South Asia (and even in parts of the Middle East)
Being In Love Is Not Equal To Being infatuated With Someone
A person being completely infatuated with someone else could still be considered not to be a true lover. They have only been attracted to the opposite sex, and it could be that the one being admired is even not aware of it. It could also happen that there exists a mutual attraction. This form of attraction could cause in them a slight and burning sensation and a desire to get together. But it soon ends as either of them leaves the scene.
For love to be said to be a true one, it must be felt in the hearts of both parties. True love is all-inclusive and pervasive than mere infatuation. If you truly love someone, you love everything about them. Do not say ” I admire him or her”, because your admiration of someone could be dependent upon a particular characteristic or trait in the one being admired. You might say for instance: ” I admire her for her eloquence, I admire him for his round face or big eyes.”
Your admiration for this person could make tears drop down freely from your cheeks, and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you will not be said to have fallen headlong in love. And no matter the intensity of your admiration for the opposite sex, it does not reach the degree of true love. From the foregoing, one can discern clearly the differences between infatuation and love.
Anecdotal Evidence of Being Infatuated With Someone
Growing up as a high school student, some of our co-eds, in their admiration for some of us would say: “only your height; only your eyes; only your nose.” However, if any of us (the male students), were to ask them out, they would decline politely. Honestly we used to be captivated by their generous compliments – and for one reason or another thought wrongly that – some of them were literally in love with some us.
Therefore, there exists a great difference between someone who is (momentarily) filled with intense love for you and the one who truly loves you. True love is more pristine and more deep-rooted than infatuation. Love is more commendable because, infatuation could be pretentious, that might finally lead to flippancy. This is opposed to real love that does not disappear from the heart of the lover, but stays there – increasing in intensity – even if a meeting between the two has ended!
An Admirer Does Not Qualify As A True Lover
From the above clarification, and from the anecdotal evidence, an admirer does not qualify as a true lover. Being infatuated with someone cannot be equated to being in love. It maybe that either of the two is being involved in a hanky-panky relationship with the other. Either of the two “lovers” is often guilty of exaggerating his or her love for the other. This type of relationship cannot withstand the vicissitudes of life.
On the other hand, true love endures for ever. The marked difference between an admirer and a true lover is the longevity and intensity of the relationship. Relationships between “lovers” could be intense but short – indeed as short as a one night stand. It could also last longer, but would still lack the closeness and intensity associated with being true lovers. The luster of gold must not inveigle any true relationship down the road of betrayal.
It’s well important to have a spiritual peace as well as a material well-being. It would, therefore be nice, if lovers could maintain their relationships with morality and conscience.
Diana, The People’s Princess Was A True Lover
We now know that, Diana, The People’s Princess, was a true lover when she wrote: ” I never wanted a divorce and always dreamed of a happy marriage with loving support from Charles…a part of me will always love Charles.” This was at a time she was going through a painful divorce with Charles, The Prince of Wales. Charles, the heir to the throne, married 20 year-old Lady Diana Spencer at a pomp – laden service in St Paul’s Cathedral in 1981. But the marriage later foundered in part over Diana’s unhappiness with Charles’ continued relationship with his companion Camilla Parker Bowles.
Add to that a somber Princess Diana, telling of a lonely and desperate existence in her early married life to the Prince Of Wales. Diana later said : “My husband made me feel inadequate in every possible way.” She told her biographer Andrew Morton. ” Every time, I tried to come up for air, he pushed me down again.” Princess Diana also talks about her several suicide attempts. ” I threw myself down the stairs, bearing in mind I was carrying a child.” She said. Describing one incident. “Queen (Elizabeth) comes out, absolutely horrified, shaking, she’s so frightened…and Charles went out riding.”
The Princess died at age 36 in a 1997 auto accident in Paris. In her case, she was unhappy because her marriage could be said to have been devoid of compassion and affection – the two off shoots of every true love. If true love is the “Tree”, the “Roots” that hold it firmly to ground are compassion and affection.
Diana’s statement captures all these when she says: “...and Charles went out riding.”
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