Love Advice – Questions And Answers

How Do You Know If A Girl Is Perfect For You?

  • Immediately you look at her or think of her you forget all that you had gone through that day and (even) the previous day!
  • Whenever you look into her eyes, she seems to emit ethereal beauty as if not of this world.
  • You find it difficult to fall asleep at night.
  • Whenever you meet face to face, you seem to look like a baby.
  • Your longing for her increases in intensity not decreasing.
  • When you love everything about her face.
  • When you can no longer wait until eternity to tie the knot.
  • When you feel you should hold her tight – squeezing the daylight out of her -. until she cries out loud, honey!
  • Anytime you don’t see her or hear her voice, your eyes begin to have a sleepy look as if you were the victim of a secondary smoke from an opium den!

  • When you realize you will never cheat on her – that no any other woman will ever succeed in seducing you “to slide between the sheets” with her – behind her back!

Would You Rather Chase Or Be Chased In A Relationship?

I will say it all depends upon one word: love. But love is also divided into two basic concepts: True love and Fake love. If you truly love the opposite sex, there will be no time to waste: The love in you would prompt you to act even senselessly! I know there may be cultural barriers to a woman openly expressing her love or admiration toward the opposite sex.

In any case, you cannot pretend that love doesn’t exist in your heart and that you will only wait for the other partner to come “chasing you” We cannot understand the power of love until we  understanding the meaning of love. Now what is love? Love is a word that is being uttered by every human being – sometimes without knowing it’s significance.

True love causes the heart to tremble. It makes the tongue incapable of expressing the true nature of the feelings that are deep-rooted in the innermost recesses of the heart. Love is a word that had lived within the fortress of the heart since the creation of Adam and Eve. It has the attributes of tenderness and affection. True love causes the limbs to speak – both verbally and physically.

A Couple Seeking Divorce On The Grounds Of Compatibility After Having Two Young Kids?

They should downplay the issue of compatibility for the sake of the young kids. They should both remember the time they started dating….when they talked kind words of love to each other…when they looked into each other’s eyes and gave the assurances of love from the bottom of their hearts.

Why would you then come out and talk “compatibility “ after the both of you assured each other that you loved everything about your faces? Why would you utter streams of profanities on each other when during the period of courtship; you talked from your heart into her heart – with that sweet and smooth voice flowing with honey – and as you talked to her, your eyes had a sleepy look as if you were the victim of a secondary smoke from an opium den?

Remember those days and do not let “compatibility” stand in your way. Compatibility can be addressed. Sit down and talk and think in each other’s head. Some people make us believe that good marriages are made in Heaven, but I tell you that, the maintenance work is done right down here!


Is It Acceptable For A 51-year-old Woman To Be In Love With a 26-year-old Man?

Why not? The key word here is love. Do you really love each other? Do remember that “age is only a number”. Marrying a younger man makes you feel rejuvenated! You become younger yourself. A younger man is also capable of “heating up the marital bed” much better than an old-fashioned, over-weight, bald man who might be as unromantic as a Church mouse. Please go ahead with it for the sake of love!

What would it be to have a boyfriend who is actually married?

It only means that you have a “sex partner” and not a “lover”. Nowadays the meaning of love has almost disappeared from our hearts. And “ I love you” has come to acquire the ostensibly meaning of “I need you as a sex partner”. True love has been replaced by fake love. How would you describe your relationship with a married man? And how will a married man also describe his relationship with his mistress? If you truly love her why didn’t you marry her?

Its all happening because these days, some women (and men) run after every caller and bend in the direction of every wind! These are the so-called lovers who distort the true meaning of love. The best thing is for you to get out of this relationship as soon as possible before you get caught by his wife. Do not allow guilt and pain to (one day) become terrible exchanges for some few stolen moments. Do not allow yourself to be taken as a “usable and expendable” commodity by someone else’s husband.

I Fell In Love, But Should I Give It Up Because I am Already Married With 2 kids?

Yes. You have to give it up and stick to your husband. What is that you can get from the other guy that your husband isn’t capable of giving you? Is it the money or “heating up” the marital bed? Discuss honestly with your husband what you feel you are not getting enough of. Or do you feel the other guy is younger and more attractive than your husband? Unless you stop seeing the other guy, guilt, pain and regret will one day be terrible exchanges for some few stolen moments you are able to get with his other guy. Please give it up before its too late.

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Inspirational Quotes About The Love Of A Woman

We often hear inspirational quotes about love in various forms, below are some of the most inspirational ones:

Love is like a chicken soup, because chicken soup is  heartwarming and nourishing just like love

Love can’t be defined, it can only be felt like a volcanic stone heart

Love is like a morning smile

Love is when there is no time

Love is like the long wait for eternity

Love is like a woman in one touch

Love is blind

And I love her and she loves me, and her she camel loves my camel


In the rush to seeking a true lover in romantic relationships, sometimes the process of savoring the true meaning of love is sacrificed for big and well-decorated wedding cakes!

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Free Short Love Stories

How many husbands today would sweep their wives up into their hands, squeeze the breath out of them (and in an ecstasy of delight), cry out aloud – I love you Honey!.

She Divorced Her Husband For The Lack Of Foreplay

A young Muslim woman I met some years ago divorced her ‘father-husband’ – a term I employ to refer to a man whose daughter is older than his wife. For instance, a 56 year-old man married to a 16 year-old kid. She complained that, anytime they wanted to have sex, the man only recited the expression Bismillaaha Qur’anic expression meaning “In The Name Of Allah” – and the pounces on her without any foreplay.

Essentially, he was not romantic. Although, it is highly recommended that, Muslims, before undertaking any action (even including making love to each other), repeat this expression. This man erroneously thought that saying Bismallaah alone did the trick! He was dead wrong! And, although, divorce should be avoided as much as possible, a Muslim woman has the right to seek divorce due to the lack of sexual satisfaction. This young woman did exactly that.

The Story Of The Three Love “Porcupines”

An African man I met intimated to me that he often beats up his wife if he wanted to make love to her. He had two wives at the time. When I asked him his reason for doing that, he said his second wife was often very stubborn. But does this problem exist in Africa alone? Also do consider this Chinese saying: “If you do not beat up you wife every three days, she will start tearing up the roof tiles.” Meaning that a wife not frequently beaten is a wife out of control.

It’s so amazing! Wife beating before sex and wife beating to assert effective control over her. Here is a Cambodian man who was so infuriated when he came home and found his wife out and no lunch served on the table. He set fire to the family house and burnt it to the ground. The 37 year-old husband torched his house to teach his wife a lesson. He then turned himself in to the police. The man was then temporarily detained in a local police jail – where he was assured of regular meals. One can imagine what would have happened had this man met his wife inside the family home.

Its’s Either Four Cows Before Marriage Or Nothing Else – After all He Is An Illiterate

“I will never marry that man, Mr. Ifeanyichukwu : if he fails to at least dole out four cows as a marriage gift to me… after all he’s an illiterate”. Ngozi a female college graduate from Nigeria asserted with confidence.

“Then why do you even think of marrying him – knowing very well that he’s an illiterate; or is it because he ‘s famously rich?” A true love advocate questioned Ngozi.

“No”. Ngozi denied.

Digressing from the conversation a bit, this true love advocate asked:

“Ngozi, what’s the meaning of this name? I know most of these names from your part of the world has profound meanings.”

“It translates in the Igbo dialect as ‘nothing is too big for God to do'”

“How about yours, Ngozi?”

“It means ‘Blessing'”.

Switching back to their original conversation, The questioner asked:

“But what has four cows got to do with your love for Mr. Ifeanyichukwu who is rich but illiterate?” The questioner insisted.

An eerie silence ensued. The questioner continued:

” Choose one: Four cows or your true love for Mr. Ifeanyichukwu. You can’t eat your cake and have it.

“But are you sure I will get true love from Mr. Ifeanyichukwu? Hmm…these rich men…my asking him to pay four cows is customary; it’s not me who is demanding them for myself; They are meant for the ‘elders’, and for our customary rites – not for me Ngozi.” She insisted.

The questioner began to look pensive when he heard what she had said about elders and customary rites.

Ngozi continued: ” I swear if he fails to pay four cows as a dower, all my love for him will disappear…he must give out those four cows or else…”

At this point the questioner became so shocked that he ended the conversation.

What should true lovers do if there happen to be a clash between customs and true love? Why did Ngozi even consider marrying this man despite the fact that they were incompatible intellectually, physically and socially? This was a young trendy and beautiful graduate from an American University vis-à-vis an old; bald-headed; old fashioned; big belly; and illiterate man.

Was that because Mr. Ifeanyichukwu was famously rich, or was it because Ngozi was sure of having financial security by getting married to this man? If Ngozi finally decides to marry Mr. Ifeanyichukwu, what would be the fate of her boyfriend whose intention – so far – isn’t matrimonial? Will Ngozi succeed in killing two birds with one stone?

That is marrying Mr. Ifeanyichukwu and still holding fast to her boyfriend? To be sure, Ngozi wasn’t bothered about having a secure and loving relationship with this man. She was afraid her friends would ridicule her for accepting something less for her dower and for agreeing to marry such an old-fashioned man who looked as unromantic as a Church mouse!

This man, Mr Ifeanyichukwu too was so resolute in his refusal to pay four cows as a marriage gift to his “sweetheart” Ngozi. He was so rich that he could even have afforded to buy her a BMW saloon car! Undoubtedly, this could have given her some sort of re-assurance about his love for her. My own guess was that Mr. Ifeanyichukwu was reserving the gift of a BMW saloon car for a rainy day – to see if Ngozi truly loved him.

He knew he couldn’t have avoided offering Ngozi a marriage gift. But the idea of four cows bothered him so much. The million dollar question now hanging on this writer’s lips is this: Who appears to be the true lover? Is it Mr. Ifeanyichukwu or Ngozi? It is left to the reader to decide.

True Love Is The Actual Casualty

It is small wonder that the true meaning of love has been lost in this present day. Looking at the three stories narrated above, the casualty here has been true love. Why do we feel so shy about admitting being in love with someone we think he is of a lower status in society? Why do we often feel shy to admit that we have been bought with love and not with money or status?

Feel free to leave your comments below.

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Short Inspirational Stories About Love

As a newly-wed, the memories of a sweet and simple wedding has passed. But has it carried along with it that love which has existed between them long this wedding? Has the throbbing pulse of love, tenderness, affection vanished after the wedding night? This was a woman who exhibited all the ingredients of true love. Indeed, she had a firm grip of the rules of the game in her marriage life; she was diplomatic and considerate toward her husband.

This was a story narrated by the Messenger of God, Muhammad (peace be upon him), to his companions The Prophet said: “I inquired from a certain woman whose husband was a woodcutter about how she treated her husband and she explained as follows:”

Inspirational Love Story Of A Woodcutter’s Wife

She revealed that her husband was a woodcutter – That he used to gather woods from the mountains. He would then send them into the market to sell. She said he then used his earnings to buy what they needed in their home. This woman then narrates how she used to bear with her husband that sort of hardship he had to go through for the sake of their livelihood. She also did feel (within her) the severity of the thirst he had to endure in the mountain – that almost always scorched her throat too.

Due to this, she always made sure she prepared for him a good drinking water – so that anytime he came back, he would find it readily available. She emphasized that before her husband comes home, she would tidy up the home – keeping every thing in their rightful place – then set the table.

Then she continued: “After all these, I then put on my most beautiful dress – waiting for his return and, as soon as he enters, I would welcome him in such a manner as a bride would do for a bridegroom with whom she was deeply in love. I would do this in a total subjugation of myself.” She then intimated that whenever her husband needed rest, she would aid him unto it; then when he needed her, she would fall into his arms (allowing him to play with her) in such a manner as a father would play with his little girl.

This poor and hard-working woodcutter of a man had to endure the scorching sun of Arabia up in the mountains, just to be able to fend for his family. His loving wife did her part in providing him with a relaxed and convenient ambiance. To be sure, there are still other men who would go to that extent to earn their livelihood in order to support their loved families. How about the women? Would they also as well, try to reciprocate the hard work done by their husbands in order to keep their families intact?

Flirtations between a man and his wife are an indication of the continuation of love. After all, love is like a flower, that needs to be watered constantly. The “water” for this flower should be flirting with each other. The Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him), described a man who shies away from having fun with his wife as cruel.

I See Why People Mistake Him For My Father- A Narrative

I never bothered to call him, and he didn’t either. What would we have to say to each other over the phone, anyway? ” Do we miss each other, honey? Or do you miss our daughter Nadia?” I just knew he would be coming to see Nadia off. She was going to go abroad. I needed to see him face-to-face anyway, look him in the eyes to see if I see any remorse, any signs of regret or shame. The doorbell is ringing. Nadia is talking on the phone. Before I even ask her to know who is on the line, I open the door. My estranged husband, Mr. Ambrose Al -Hassan, alias Mr. AA, is trying to embrace me. I slam the door on his face.

“Hello, Amanda, where is Nadia?” He shouts from outside.

“She’s on the phone in her bedroom.” I say. I walk into the kitchen to turn off the cooker. I hear him say as he keeps insisting I should let him in.

“She’ll be fine where ever she goes.” He says.

“Spare me, would you, Mr. AA. I’ve got a lot to do right now before Nadia’s departure.” Upon a second thought, I open the door. I hear him enter the living room. Feel him standing behind me. When I turn to face him, I realize he is looking tired and washed-out. He looks much older than sixty-five. He is only 45. Five years older me. I see why people often mistake him for my father. But at the moment he just looks pitiful. Like a stray and hungry dog. But I don’t feel sorry for him one bit, because he’s not a stray dog. He’s the man who left me for another woman without any reason.

“I will go to Church with you tomorrow to meet Pastor John Walters.” He cries out.

“What did you just say?” I ask.

“I wish to meet Pastor John Walters, for counseling for my behavior. To stop it. So I never have to leave you again. I didn’t mean to do what I’ve done.”

“Are you coming to see Nadia off or you are coming to put up with me?” I say.

“I can’t leave this house again.” He says.

“You’ll have to, when I call the cops.” I say.

“Please don’t, Amanda. I’m begging you not to, please. It could destroy my reputation. The reputation I’ve worked so hard to maintain.” He pleads.

“What reputation? Your reputation of being addicted to fast women and fast cars? You should have thought about your reputation before leaving me for the third time. You only need me when you’re in trouble or broke.”

“I did think about it.”

“Oh, you thought about it, and your brain gave you the go ahead, is that so?”

“No. I mean, I wasn’t literally thinking properly when I used to do all that I did. That’s now the whole issue.”

“What in the world would compel you to do what you did. Are you not a practicing Muslim man who is supposed to know better?”

“I don’t know.”

“And then keep doing it?”

“Amanda, I honestly don’t know.”

“Think about it for a moment! If you don’t know, who the hell does?”

“Eh! Are you now dating one of those actors?”

“What did you just say?”

“I mean are you now having an actor boyfriend?”

“I guess so.”

“Oh, really!”

“Are you jealous?”

“I’m not jealous. Just asking.” He just shakes his head.

“You’ve appetite for actors. By the way, where is that actor of a guy?

“He’ll be coming today to see Amanda off.”

“What? To see my daughter off. Is out of his mind?”

“No, it’s rather you who is out of your mind.”

“I’m going to wait to see who this guy is.”

“You’ll surely meet him. He’s a true lover. Not your kind.”

“Don’t annoy me further.” He says.

“I’m not afraid of annoying the day light out of you.”

“I know that. But I keep hoping you’ll not. Look. Amanda, what I did to you in the past is regrettable and I want to get help.”

I fold my arms, wishing they were baseball bats, so that I punch him in his face.

“I know the magnitude of what I’ve done to you. It was wrong, and I can promise you that it will never happen again.” He says.

“Oh so you expect me to believe you just like that?”

“Yes. I am pretty sure about that.”

“Let me ask you something, Mr. AA. Did you do this to your other women, too?”

“Yes, but I’m not going back to any one of them again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Oh, so you want come live with me again?”

“Yes. Pretty sure”

I try to stop the tears, but I can’t control it. I wish this was all just a bad dream, and when the alarm bell rings, it’ll all be over. I loved this man hard, but right now, I don’t love any part of him. He used to make me feel protected and safe. Anytime he came back to me after having been dumped by his other women, I accepted him back. Not this time again. All I want right now is for him to leave Nadia and myself alone.

“Get out of my face and out of here before I call the cops.”

He picks up his walking stick and jacket on the sofa. He waggles out of the door. It’s the last time I will ever see him.

Was it terribly inconsiderate of Amanda to send away the man she loved so dearly? And why should Mr. AA even bother going back to the woman he left on three  occasions? Could he be trusted this time?

You are welcome to leave your comments below.


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Stories Of Women Infidelity – An Appraisal

In his book (Kitaabul Aghani) , the Books Of Songs, Al Asfahani, relates the story of a Woman’s infidelity in a love triangle between Majnoon (a lunatic), Layla, and her husband. In it, we are told of how Majnoon was madly in love with Layla. Majnoon had met Layla on several occasions before, and even after her marriage to another man. The love between them was so intense that, after Layla’s husband and father traveled out of town, Layla sent her slave-girl to fetch her lover Majnoon. He spent the night with her but was sent away before sunrise. Every time and before she had Majnoon sent away, she would say to him: “Come to me every night as long as the travelers have not returned.”

As one would expect, Majnoon continued to see Layla nightly until the travelers returned. It could be said that Majnoon did what he did because he could not get married to Layla. But after her marriage to another man, wouldn’t it have been proper for him to transfer his love to another woman other than Layla? On the other hand, why did Layla, despite her love for Majnoon, failed to marry him? Was she afraid she would be scoffed at, for getting married to a lunatic? It was strange that she would allow him to sneak into her matrimonial home during the darkness of the night to make love to her, but would also make him slip away before sunrise to avoid detection.

What Was So Special About Majnoon That Drove Layla Crazy

The forces that drive us sexually remain among the most baffling aspects of our lives. Why, in the midst of a perfectly happy and satisfying relationship, do we sometimes get an incredibly strong urge to be unfaithful? Layla preferred only to have sex with Majnoon but not to marry him. The question is, what was so special about Majnoon, the lunatic, that drove Layla into infidelity? Was Layla’s husband incapable of satisfying her sexual cravings? How could a lunatic manage to “heat up” Layla’s marital bed in a way that was much better than her sane husband?

There are no easy answers available. One of the probable answers could have been that, this lunatic was more adept at foreplay than Layla’s sane husband – thus the reason for her behavior. She preferred Majnoon for sex, but lived with her husband for security and dignity.

There may be many other “Laylas” and “Majnoons” within and outside the “Presidential Palaces Of Love” There are married women who would not divorce their husbands, but at the same time would like to hold fast to their Majnoons. Husbands for security and dignity, and Majnoons for sex!

We are all still confronted with a dilemma: Is love really blind as some often do say? If that was the case, why, didn’t Layla marry Majnoon and forget about the world around her – even if her husband wore torn clothes and gathered bones around him? When should we draw the line between love and sex? This writer believes that, the Royal Highway of true love should always end in the Royal City of marriage. Should this Royal Highway of true love fall short of reaching this City, will that still be called true love?

Majnoon Wore Torn Clothes And Gathered Bones Around Him

Majnoon’s infatuation for Layla was so intense that he gave up the five daily prayers – all Muslims are obligated to perform five daily prayers. His love for Layla has supplanted his fear of God. This is what the narrator tells us in his book: ” He did not put on any garment – unless he has already torn it into pieces; he did not walk in the streets – unless he was stark naked; he played with earth, and gathered bones around him; yet, if you mentioned Layla to him, he would become boisterous; and would begin to narrate to you every detail about her. But if you asked him: “Why did you give up the five daily prayers, he would not utter a single word…”

Nothing is more distasteful (to this writer) than that entire complacency and satisfaction that beam in the countenances of a newly-married couple. That complacency and satisfaction shown by newly-weds could soon change into diffidence and frustration if the foundation of this marriage is deficient in true love. There are sufficient reasons for every one involved in a romantic relationship to remain circumspect – and avoid complacency. The challenge always will be how to create the good times for true lovers, and get these good times rolling for years on end?

Is this way a love affair should be conducted? if it were to be this case, then customs and values would be lost among people. And all that is known as congeniality, affection, compassion, and tenderness would have been lost. Consequently, lovers would have lost that deep-rooted trust and tranquility, they aspire for, in romantic relationships. Couples are expected to grow together – not grow apart. Question is, how could Majnoon and Layla ever grow together?

We All Question Love Throughout Life

No matter who will fall in love with, we all face the dilemmas of love. To be sure, most of us question love throughout life. “Does my husband really love me? Won’t he abandon me in the course of time for a much younger woman? These days he always returns late from work …and when I attempt to ask him why, he yells at me, is he having an affair?’ One housewife lamented.” This could have been another man’s complaint about his wife.


There are sufficient reasons for married couples to remain circumspect and avoid complacency. The challenge is always how to create the good times for true lovers and also keep the good times rolling for years on end. It all boils down to three basic facts: Who gets what, when and how in a spousal relationship? The who, when and how questions, if handled adeptly, will definitely create the good times – not only that – it will also keep the good times rolling for years on end. In a spousal relationship, who gets the sex, the care, the respect, the warmness and consideration? When does he or she wants to have them? How does he or she wants to have them?

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Definition Of True Love Relationships

There are positive and negative forces in the universe; good and evil; the Angel and the devil; life and death; black and white; happiness and sorrow; organic and inorganic etc, . Likewise, there is bound to be true love and fake love in our relationships. Love is a word that obtained “knighthood” in the language of relationships – since the beginning of mankind. It expresses feelings of tenderness and affection and resides only in the heart.

True love makes the hearts tremble; it makes the tongue incapable of expressing the true nature of the feelings that are deep-rooted in the innermost recesses of the heart. True love makes the limbs speak either verbally or physically. God, the creator of the universe kept love in the hearts of living beings since He created them, in order that, it (love) helps them in facing the vicissitudes of life on earth, and also make them help one another in overcoming challenges.

What Is A True Love Relationship?

Let’s pause for a moment and ask ourselves: What really is meant by true love? How can we identify true love in a given relationship? We may have to refer to one of the Holy Books revealed by God – the creator of mankind –  to His creatures to give us a clue of what it is. The Muslim Holy Book, The Qur’an says about true love:

“… They are your garments

And ye are their garments…” (Qur’an, 2:187).

This is an eloquent description of true love. For the fabric used in making these garments is love; the threads used in sewing them is love; finally, the embroidery on these garments is love. In a true love relationship, both partners are each other’s garment. They are for mutual support; mutual comfort; mutual protection – fitting into each other as a garment fits the body. Let’s bear in mind that the “garments” mentioned here are custom-made. They are made as the “buyers”, in this case the love partners specify.

To be sure, the “garments of love” are tantamount to designer clothes made by famous designers. They are usually expensive and fashionable. In a true love relationship, both partners are “designers”. You design your partner’s clothes and she designs yours. You would be too careful to design for your partners clothes that are close-fitting as to expose the shape of her body, or too baggy as to be very loose on her body.In a nutshell, you would not become a “garment” for someone you don’t love.

We know the Late Diana, The People’s Princess was such a true lover when she wrote: ” I never wanted a divorce and always dreamed of a happy marriage with loving support from Charles…a part of me will always love Charles.” This was at a time when she was going through a painful divorce with Charles, the Prince Of Wales. Charles, the heir to the British throne, married 20 year-old Lady Diana Spencer at a pomp-laden service in St Paul’s Cathedral in 1981. But the marriage foundered in part over Diana’s unhappiness with Charles continuing relationship with his companion – Camilla Parker Bowles.

Seeing Fake Love Through A Microscope

Love could be categorized into two basic degrees of intensity: True love, which is the most intense, and springs forth from the innermost core of the heart, and fake love, which is of a lower intensity. Fake love is ostentatious and does not have a place inside the heart. A person completely infatuated with someone else could still be considered to be a fake lover, because they have only been attracted to the opposite sex and it could be that the one being admired isn’t even aware of it. It could even happen that there be a mutual attraction.

This mutual attraction could even cause in them a slight and burning sensation and a desire to get together. But it soon ends after either of them leaves the scene. For love to be said to be a true one, it must be felt in the hearts of both parties. True love is all-inclusive and pervasive than mere infatuation or fake love. If you truly love someone, you love everything about them. Do not say : ” I admire him or her”, because your admiration for someone could be dependent upon a particular characteristic or trait in the one being admired.

For instance, one could say: “I admire him for his eloquence; I admire her for her round face or big eyes.” Your admiration for this person could make tears drop down freely from your cheeks and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you will not be said to have fallen headlong in love. No matter the intensity of your admiration, it does not reach the degree of true love. Therefore, there exists a great difference between someone who is (temporarily) filled with intense love for you and the one who truly loves you.

True love is more commendable. Because infatuation and for that matter, admiration, could both be pretentious, and even lead to flippancy. As for true love, it does not disappear from the heart of the lover, but stays there and increases in intensity even if the union between the two has ended.


True love leads to a long and enduring sexual relationship. Fake love leads to, say, a one night stand – after which both partners disappear. There are millions of men and women today who only have sex partners and not love partners. How do we describe a man who would say to a woman : ” I love you”‘ would be ready to “shack up” with her, but would not contemplate marriage – even if she remains the only woman on earth? The same could be said of a woman too.

To be sure, the meaning of ” I love you”, has turned into “I need you” In other words, “I love you” has acquired the ostensible meaning of ” I need you to satisfy my sexual cravings”. To a certain extent, the media has seriously ruptured the meaning of love. Instead of calling two people living together – and having sex – as sex partners, the media depict them as lovers!

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Relationship Between Husband And Wife In Islam – A Man’s Rights

If you love something dearly, you guard it jealously. Likewise, if you possess gold and diamonds, you strive to protect them from being stolen. Therefore, in the relationship between husband and wife in Islam, the main ingredient in this relationship is how to preserve the love that is expected to last throughout their marriage lives. The Muslim Holy Book, The Holy Qur’an, addresses women in the following words:

” And say to the believing women

That they should lower their gaze

And guard their modesty; that they

Should not display their beauty

And ornaments except what (ordinarily)

Appears thereof; that they should draw

Veils over their bosoms and not display

Their beauty except to their husbands…(Qur’an, 24:31).

A Woman Should Dress More Grandiosely At Home

A woman is more content with the love given to her by her husband, then why the gaze at other men? Why the adornments to show off their beauty to other men? The rule of modesty applies to men as well as women. A brazen stare by a man at a woman is breach of refined manners. Where sex is concerned, modesty is not only good form; it is not only to guard the weaker sex, but also to guard the spiritual good of the stronger sex. The need for modesty is for both men and women; but on the account of the differentiation of the sexes in nature, temperaments, and social life; a greater amount of privacy is required for women than men, especially in the matter of dress and the uncovering of the bosom.

Why shouldn’t a woman dress more grandiosely at her home just for the eyes of her husband – indirectly telling him that – she is the Commander-in- Chief and no one else?

And why shouldn’t a man do the same for his wife at home? Instead, what we see in the cities today are some women exposing their beauties to attract attention and some men dressing awkwardly to look “cute”. For instance, a woman at home may not clean up for days, however, when it’s time to go out with her other friends, and knowing that it’s likely she might meet other men; she might immediately make an appointment with a hair stylist – not only that – and even a beautician!

In some parts of the Muslim world, there are these Muslim women who would look more beautiful only when they are attending weddings, funerals and child-naming ceremonies. What of those unfortunate men they leave at home? They are left to wallow in the whirlpool of a loveless marriage. Were they not the men you vowed to love with all your hearts? If these men realize they are now in deep “trouble” regarding their marriage lives, what would you expect them to do?

They would also start making appointments with their plastic surgeons – if they are wealthy enough to do so – trying to add to, take away from, or make a general overhaul of their eyes, noses, ears, lips and teeth – with the sole intention of becoming “cute”, not for their wives but to other women.

Some Men Begin To Live In Other Women’s World Due To The Woman’s Fault.

In a scenario where a woman dresses for other men, the man at home may also begin to retaliate by seeing their dentists to replace their incisors (front teeth) that they lost years back – and had neglected for a long time!

As they get more “cute”, things may then start to fall apart – until the center can no longer hold ( to borrow Chinua Achebe’s words in Things Fall Apart), These neglected men then begin to live in other women’s world. After a while, when these women also realize that their husbands now come back late from work, they begin to wonder.

Some women, instead of looking for answers in order to fix the problem, they rather become more aggressive by doing the same old things – as a means of retaliating. Worse than this, some women might even seek help from soothsayers. In the case of Africa and in some parts of the Arab world and Asia, some women might also employ the services of le marabout – a French word used in African parlance to denote a specialist who uses verse of the Holy Qur’an to prepare certain concoctions as a cure to certain types of ailments. These marabouts are also known to prepare love potions for both men and women. Some of them even claim to divine the future.

Winning a man or a woman’s love by using a love potion, or by employing the services of a soothsayer, and for that a matter a marabout. Is a disservice to true love. It doesn’t usually stand the test of time. Some believe that good marriages are made in Heaven, but this writer would tell you that the maintenance work must be done right down here by lovers themselves.

Ten Key Points For Women To Contemplate In A Marital Home

  • Accord him a beautiful reception after he returns from work, school, travel. Begin with a good greeting and a cheerful face.
  • Beautify and soften your voice for your husband.
  • Smell good and beautify your self physically. Take a good care of your body and fitness.
  • Hasten for sexual intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
  • Show appreciation to your husband. Cherish all that he has been doing for your sake.
  • Hasten to apologize to him if he has been hurt by your unbecoming attitude. Try to avoid what will make him angry in the first place.
  • Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
    that the husbands don’t like other people to know about. Take care of the house and children. Take care of his money and properties.
  • Show respect to his family and friends.
  • Be patient and offer emotional support to your husband in difficult times.
  • Be a good housekeeper. Keep the house clean, decorated and well-arranged.


There are this married men who leave their homes during the darkness of the night in order to spend time with their mistresses – leaving their wives deprived of love and affection. These men sometimes return to their homes just before daybreak. Intoxicated and with befuddled minds, they often mistake their live-in maids for their wives! There are also those women who betray their husbands, spending several “dark nights” during their absence from home – entertaining other men. Needless to say, some people still believe good marriages are made in Heaven. If you are among those who believe in that, then it is time for you to change your mindset and accept the reality that “the maintenance work” to keep these marriages intact must be done right down here!

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A Woman’s Rights – Relationship Between Husband And Wife In Islam

Islam encourages the husband to treat his wife well. As the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has said: “The best among you are those who are best to their wives.” (Ibn Majah). Mothers in Islam are highly honored. Islam recommends treating them in the best way. A man came to the Prophet and said: “O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my companionship?” The Prophet replied: ” Your mother.” The man said: “Then who?” The Prophet said: ” Then your mother.” The man further asked: ” Then who?” The Prophet said: “Then your mother.” The man asked again: ” Then who?” The Prophet then said: “Then your father.” (Muslim and Bukhari ). Notice that the Prophet mentioned your mother three times before then saying your father.

When two people fall in love, they tend to have responsibilities toward each other. In this patriarchal world of ours, the burden of proof rests with the man to show real concern to his partner and accord her the necessary companionship she desires. God says in the Holy Qur’an:

“Live with them on a footing

Of kindness and equity…(Qur’an, 4:19)

This verse was addressed to men – not to women. Living with your lovers on a footing of kindness and equity results in the strengthening of the bond between lovers. Regardless of the material comfort a man offers his partner, if he is abusive, treating his partner always with scorn, the sort of tranquility and peaceful co-existence that is supposed to exist between them will be lost.

A Woman’s Rights Over Her Husband In Islam

One of the companions of the Prophet of Islam, Muawiya, the son of Haydah, said: ” I asked the Messenger of God: ” O the Messenger of God, what is the right of a wife of anyone of us upon him?” The Prophet said: ” You should feed her as you feed yourself; clothe her as you clothe yourself; Do not strike her face; Do not use abusive language on her; Do not desert her – unless within the marital home.” (narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood). Therefore, there is no distinction or preferential treatment for a man at the expense of his wife.

After the Prophet (peace be upon him), mentioned the rights of a woman to feeding and clothing as a veneration to her, he added: “Do not strike her face; do not use abusive language on her.” Why should you strike the face of your beloved wife, after you had assured her that you loved everything about her face? Why would you utter a stream of profanities on her, even though, during the period of courtship; you talked from your heart into her heart – with that sweet and smooth voice flowing with honey – and as you talked to her, your eyes had a sleepy look as if you were the victim of a secondary smoke from an opium den?

It is part of showing your love to your wife that you are not supposed to desert the marital home when you get angry. Leaving your wife alone in the house after a contentious argument will only create a big hole through which the devil passes into her heart. She then begins to become suspicious about you, her feelings towards you might also begin to undergo a gradual change. Soon, the marriage rod that held your marriage together begins to curve – until such a time that it becomes as curved as a bow!

At this time, nothing, not evening marriage counseling or the courts will be able to straighten it. Here, the only solution could be a divorce. In order to preserve love between them, Islam requires a man to remain inside his home – even if he has been angered by his wife. This is meant to assure her that, despite the fact he is angry with her, he still loves her.

Islam Recommends Engaging In Foreplay Before Making Love

The prevailing atmosphere should be that of egalitarianism and fairness. Even on the part of a sexual encounter, a woman has a right to the enjoyment of sex – to the fullest – just like her male counterpart. Like the man, she also has sexual cravings that need to be toned down. If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her, then he shouldn’t hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure.” (narrated by Anas )

Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely important – especially for the wife – and a vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, which should never be neglected. The husband should sexually arouse his wife before having sex. It is indeed selfish on the husband’s part that he fulfils his sexual needs and desires, whilst his wife remains unsatisfied, discontented and groaning!

Failure in satisfying one’s wife (on the marital bed) can have terrible consequences on one’s marriage. That is why the Prophet forbade sexual intercourse without foreplay. This is in order to guarantee and protect the sexual pleasures and rights of the wife before foreplay. Islam recognizes a woman’s need of love, affection and foreplay. Women tend to be more romantic than men. They like to hear tender words, to be praised, to feel that they are being cared for, to be the main concern of their husbands and the one to whom he directs his ardent love that’s the reason why the Prophet forbade engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay.

Kissing One’s Spouse Is Also Of Utmost Importance In General

It was the tradition of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) to always kiss his wives. The Prophet’s wife A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (Salat) without performing ablution (wudhu). Urwa says that I asked A’isha: “It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) smiled.” (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, and al-Nasa’I)

A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) says: “The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h) would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution.” (narrated by al-Darqutni)

The above two narrations indicate the recommendation of kissing one’s spouse. They also show the importance of greeting the wife when entering the house with a kiss and departing with a kiss. This was the practice of the Prophet of Islam. Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to leave the home in a hurry without even greeting the wife in a proper manner with hugs and kisses, and then entering the house with the first question on whether food is ready or not, whether the mechanic was able to fix the car, or whether his creditors came looking for him.


In terms of women, the whole world is developing. There is no “developed world” when women’s economic and political status is the measure, and inequality impedes their progress. That was the consensus among the 15,000 – including 2000 Americans who attended the historic World Conference On Women held in Nairobi – Kenya in 1985. Indeed, a study of women in 99 countries documented that in no country are women the equals of men in health, education, employment, social security and even marriage. Only seven countries were rated “very good” in the study. Eighteen were “extremely poor” Interestingly, countries rated “extremely poor” in women’s status – were also extremely poor countries. Poverty and inequality went I hand in hand.

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Love In A Corrupt Patriarchal World

Love in this patriarchal world dictated that women movements around the world create new international networks to address a variety of specific issues including domestic violence, women’s access to education and health services and non-discrimination in employment. To be sure, the crimes committed against womanhood have had several implications – from psychological to existential. They are indeed crimes of moral turpitude. We all are aware of the bride burning in some parts of India, and the female genital mutilation (FGM) in some parts of Africa and Latin America.

If we cast a glance at the mirror of history, we will see that about 1500 years ago, the desert Arabs of Arabia used to bury their female offspring alive in order to get rid of them, since it was anathema to have a female born into a family. Women generally have also been denied access to education in parts of Africa and Asia – until recently. Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp, and others like them may have been oppressed pawns, who had no choice but to use their feminine wiles to negotiate their way in this corrupt patriarchal world.

He Was To Me An Abnormal Test-Tube Baby

My good African friend, “Danjumah”. Not his real name, was to me an abnormal test-tube baby bred by forces of a corrupt patriarchal world in their romantic laboratories. I happened to meet Danjumah in the late1980s in Damascus, Syria, when I was a student of Arabic language there. He was an economic migrant coming out of Africa – a continent famously described in French as Le Continent qui pleure (the weeping Continent). I do disagree with this depiction of Africa – after all, there are so many smiling faces on that beautiful Continent!

At that time, it was customary for African migrants to meet at a particular location during weekends to discuss Africa’s woes and also their plight in a foreign land. 

Danjumah’s home was their place of choice. Here, they would discuss everything under the sun, including love and romance. Danjumah for instance was an unrepentant proponent of the idea of living together before marriage. He believed that playing house for a few weeks or months (and even years) with someone he wants to marry was not only appropriate but also justified.

Danjumah believed in the try it before I buy notion. He was the leader of that majority camp. This writer, a true love advocate – was the leader of the minority camp – that believed in marriage before sex. The minority camp’s argument was that; true lovers do not need log fires to keep them warm – not even during the cold winter nights. They believed that, whenever there was true love, marriage acted as a log fire that keeps romantic relationships even warmer! 

Conversely, the majority camp led by Danjumah would reject any woman they slept with and did not like.

They Needed A Friendlier And Kinder Environment To Exploit Women

Danjumah for example, did not give a damn about the looks of a particular woman, or for that matter her disposition. He was only interested in the (excuse me) the sweetness of the pudding. To him, the sweetness of the pudding was the best determinant in choosing a wife. Let’s pause for a moment, was the environment in Syria at that time conducive for Danjumah’s sexual escapades? Did he realize the realities on the ground? That he and his majority campers couldn’t put theory into practice in such a conservative close-knit Muslim society? Yes they did. But did they give up? No, they didn’t.

He and his supporters on the left side of the aisle knew they risked their lives trying to actualize their dreams in the sort of environment they lived in. They needed a friendlier and kinder environment. He and members of his camp often complained of the mam-nou’a (forbidden) environment in Syria. After all, this was a close-knit Islamic society that did not condone illicit sex. But they had a consolation that they were just on transit in Syria. And that as soon as they were able to save enough bucks, they would quit for other favorable destinations.

Several Years Past, Then I Got The Wind Danjumah Was In Taiwan

As a true love advocate, I tried to locate him on the Island of Taiwan to find out if he had re-discovered the true meaning of love and re-fashioned his old ideas about love and romance. I did locate him easily in Taiwan. He was then “shacking up” with a certain Filipino lady who was several years older than he was. To Him, his girlfriend was never to be his wife. She was to be considered only as a usable and expendable commodity. He surprisingly had not changed a bit since I first met him in Syria. He was still that happy and insouciant person I knew years back.

He was good company, and did not burden himself with worries and troubles. He walked through life with enviable insouciance. This writer, finally came to the conclusion that, trying to make him understand the meaning of true love was only a gamble. Indeed, it was as uncertain as “throwing your wallet into the crowd and hoping your wife would catch it!” Unfortunately, this Filipino lady had been lured away by the bright lights of fake love. It was only after Danjumah left her for another destination – this time – Japan, did she realize she had lost the battle for his heart!

Guilt and pain, then became terrible exchanges for this hapless Filipino lady, for she had allowed herself to be lured away by the bright lights of fake love. She had good reasons to feel crestfallen. It was not long before she also packed up and left for her hometown in the Philippines.


It is imperative to state that, the status which women have acquired during this present era did not come about due to the kindness of men or due to natural progress. It was rather achieved due to a long and arduous struggle over a period of a century and a half. A Roman wife was described by one historian as: “a babe, a minor, a ward, a person incapable of doing or acting anything according to her own individual taste, a person continually under the tutelage and guardianship of her husband.” This low opinion about women still lurks in the minds of men like Danjumah who still believe women are only to be taken as sex objects!

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What Is In A Love Relationship – Dreams And Deception?

As I sat on a chair studying Shakespeare one summer night, I came across Polonius’ advice to his son Laertes : “Neither A borrower nor a lender be.” And as I sat cogitating over the meaning of this expression, one of my distant cousins who was several years older than me – and had been recently divorced – entered my room. With awry smile she said: ” Why is it that, you men, whenever you need sex, you tend to behave like a dog upon whose back a bone broth has been placed; and after you achieve orgasm, you tend to neglect your partner…?”. I then asked myself : “What is in a loving relationship?”

One can imagine what a hungry dog does when a bone broth is placed on its back. For a moment, I neglected her and rather concentrated on what I had been reading. I was then naive about sex at the time and still lacked a firm grip on the rules of the game. Moreover, I saw her interference as a distraction. As she sat quietly looking at the rose flowers on top of the piano in the adjacent living room, she murmured: “These rose flowers are as old and tired as the piano itself.” I then sensed that she was about to change the topic of our conversation. I then feigned interest – putting away my book – asking her to repeat what she had said previously.

Her Husband Was Boring And Unromantic

Despite the pleas to my cousin, she refused to repeat her earlier statement. To my utter dismay, she stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind her – thinking I did not lend her a pathetic ear. After this incident, the cognitive wiring in my brain began to transmit a rather high voltage that transformed my entire evening. And, instead of reconsidering Polonius’ advice to his son Laertes, I rather found myself in a pensive mood – trying to figure out what my beautiful cousin had just said. After all, this had been a young and pretty woman who had just been divorced from a man several years older than her and who claims to be a marabout from West Africa. A marabout is a Muslim holy man or hermit, especially in North Africa.

Indeed, this marabout and my cousin never shared anything in common. So what exactly was in this marital relationship? Dreams and deception? Was it that my beautiful cousin had been ‘persuaded’ to marry this man? Was it that she married this man for his money or status? Did she leave her husband because her sex life was abysmal or was it that, it was this marabout who actually divorced her? She never did tell me anything about these lingering questions. I was too young to know these things. I was in a dilemma: I could not have asked her about her marriage, but in my young mind, I suspected “sex” was to blame. One thing I was so sure about was that – my cousins’s husband – that marabout – was as boring and as unromantic as a Church mouse!

Probing The Reason For My Cousin’s Unsuccessful Marriage

To me, the best way to probe the reason for her unsuccessful marriage was to draw a line from the past – when she ‘agreed’ to marry this man – to the time she made this statement to me. I then extrapolated from her statement that her sex life was one of the reasons (if not) the main reason that caused her to leave her husband or was she divorced? We must do our best to speak of the past, convey it, and remember it – in such a way that all lovers and married couples feel it is their responsibility to make sure mistakes done by others in their love lives – are not repeated.

What is important is to change people’s attitude toward love and marriage. How could such a pretty girl be ‘persuaded’ to marry a man she would have otherwise not marry? I knew she had been persuaded to marry this older man – for some reason or another. Is it not only in a corrupt patriarchal world that young and innocent girls would be ‘persuaded’ by even their mothers to marry men who are incompatible? A word for this marabout and his like: “Have you forgotten what your religion – Islam – requires of you as loving husbands?” Remember is not enough just to feed, clothe and provide accommodation for your wives – thinking of yourselves as men of “special virtue”. It is this type of attitude that make some women – who desire marriage – to rather spend their lives like birds on tree branches – not wanting to tie themselves down to a family.

Dreams And Deception

” I believed him, an innocent African girl lamented, when he said to me: ‘I could not have found a better lover had I searched the whole world for years on end.’ ” “Now just look at me, I ‘m pregnant and has tested positive to the HIV virus that causes AIDS…it is likely my child would be infected too…the worst thing is that, I have now been abandoned.” Unable to hold back tears that flowed freely down her cheeks, she continued: “When I insisted on using a condom, he assured me that I was his first love, and that he would never harm me because he loves me… I thought I would rather impress him and make him marry me by sleeping with him.”

In this poignant spectacle, this writer identified two victims – that miserable girl and “love”. Love had been misused in this circumstance. It was misused to exploit an innocent African girl by a powerful man. Another twenty-something year-old girl pleaded with her “boyfriend” in these words. ” if you really love me, why are you insisting that we have sex before marriage.” Her “boyfriend” replied: ” After we have sex, you will understand.” He then continued: The reason why I’m insisting we have sex before marriage is precisely because I love you.” (emphasis mine). He retorted bitterly.

So What Is In A Loving Relationship?

In the case of the former, who tested HIV positive, her “boyfriend” planted a seed of hope inside her tender and loving heart – by assuring her she was his first love, but before it (the seed of hope) took roots, weeds already flourished! She has now been left twisting in the wind – with a fully blown AIDS! In the latter case, the girl was rather lucky – she had resisted all of her “boyfriend’s” unnecessary sexual advances to the end – even at the risk of abandoning the relationship.






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