Why Is Marriage Important In Islam?

These days, it’s not only finances that discourage people from getting married, but also the daunting logistics of life; the desire to have one’s own home; a stable job; a luxurious automobile; and (In some cases), obtaining a higher degree through a Darwinian educational system. If we surmise that, people involved in romantic relationships are actually climbing a “love mountain”. And that at the zenith of this “mountain” is where marriage is to be found, then this writer would regard the daunting logistics of life as possible “landmines” scattered across the love mountain that could threaten lovers as they scale it to the top where they will find marriage. Despite all these then why is marriage still important in Islam?

At any stage of one’s life, lovers will always find the love mountain over-crowded with other “climbers”. They climb for different reasons. Therefore, it will be very difficult to know how many of these will actually make it to the top where they will find marriage. To be sure, there are those climbing this mountain just for fun – their intention is not matrimonial – therefore they are not interested in scaling to the top. They are content in hanging around the edges of the mountain and having sex – as long as they can. But the nights of enjoyment and pleasure will not continue forever.

The Humanity Of The Woman Is Stated Eloquently In The Muslim Holy Book- The Qur’an

When two people are engaged in a romantic relationship, it’s as if they are scaling the “love mountain” at the top of which they are supposed to find marriage. Islam, knowing that, some of these lovers may have a knack in carrying out surreptitious searches for gullible men or women wanting to scale this mountain, has placed some checks and balances to protect everyone. The Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him), stated more than fourteen hundred years ago that:

“We have not seen anything better for (two) lovers other than marriage.”

In other words, the epitome of every romantic relationship is tying the knot. We can therefore, conveniently say that, marriage is what one finds at the very top of every love mountain. There are those who said ” Yes” to love too soon and “No” to sex too late. Least did they realize that their partners wanted them only as usable and expendable commodities. In sub-Saharan Africa and parts of South Asia where poverty is rife, young girls are often driven into prostitution in order to fend for themselves and for their families. They are sometimes saddled with the burden of unwanted pregnancies, HIV/AIDS, and children engendered out of wedlock,

In the midst of the darkness that engulfed the world, the divine revelation echoed in the wilderness of the Arabian Desert with a fresh, noble and universal message to humanity. God says in the Holy Qur’an:

” O mankind be dutiful to your Lord,

Who created you from a single person (Adam),

And from him (Adam), He created his wife [ Hawwa’ (Eve) ].

And from them both, He created many men and women,

And fear Allah through whom you demand (your mutual rights),

And (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship),

Surely God is Ever All-Watcher over you.” (Qur’an, 4:1)

“From him (Adam)” here refers to the kind – from the same kind, or of like nature, God created his mate. A scholar who pondered about this verse states: It is believed that there is no text, old or new, that deals with the humanity of the woman from all aspects with such amazing brevity, eloquence, depth and originality as this divine decree.”

Islam Stresses The Natural And Noble Conception Of Marriage

In stressing this natural and noble conception, the Qur’an states further:

” It is He who created

You from a single soul,

And made his mate of

like nature, in order

That he might dwell

With her (in love)…” (Qur’an, 7:189).

Thus, he might dwell in her in true love, not fake love which could be deleterious to the individual and society. In today’s world, we may be smarter, more competitive, mobile, technologically savvy and adept at forming relationships, but we might not be all that smart at keeping our marriages intact, How are we smart in making sure that every romantic relationship ends in a marriage? At the foot of the “love mountain” is marriage proposal and at its summit is marriage itself. The Prophet of Islam says:

“We have not seen anything better for (two) lovers other than marriage.”

Between the marriage proposal and the marriage itself is the Mahr, a marriage gift, that is presented to the wife-to-be by her lover, and is included in the nuptial contract.

Islamic Tradition Encouraged And Instructed Marriage

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) asking how the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) worshiped Allah, and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, “Where are we from the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) as his past and future sins have been forgiven.” Then one of them said, “I will perform prayer throughout the night forever.” The other said, ‘I will fast throughout the year.” The third said, “I will keep away from women and will not marry forever.” The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) came to them and said, “Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I fear Allah and I am conscious of Him better than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I perform Prayer and sleep, and I (also) marry women. So he who does not follow my Sunnah (tradition) is not from me.

Sunnah here refers to tradition or my way of life. It was also narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (one of the Prophet’s wife) said: The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.)said: “Marriage is part of my Sunnah, and whoever does not follow my Sunnah has nothing to do with me.” This writer does not know of anyone among the Sahaabah (companions of the Prophet) who refrained from marriage because of seeking or spreading knowledge. The scholars among the Sahaabah; who narrated traditions of the Prophet (The Hadiths); and from whom knowledge and understanding of the religion was learned; and had students who learned from them; were all married. I do not know of anyone among them who refrained from marriage or who told any of his students to do so in order to be free to learn and study, or for any other purpose.

Procreation Is A Way For Nature To Preserve Species

Procreation is an extremely important way for nature to preserve species. All living things today including humans would be non-existent had it not been due to procreation. But why is marriage particularly important for procreation? One might ask: Don’t the animals procreate easily without getting married? Yes, they do. But are we animals too? We have been bestowed so many favors by God that make us different from animals. One of the gifts is the gift of the intellect, that makes us to not behave like animals. As civilized beings, we are bound by the existence of certain rules and order.

Some animals kill their young but we as humans don’t. Some animals like dogs do mate in the open unabashed – we don’t and why should we? As humans, our lives need to be governed by certain dos and don’ts. Procreation is no exception to this. Yes, we need to procreate but we need to do it in a certain prescribed way that is within the institution of marriage. And yes, marriage indeed is a blessing from God and apart from procreation there are so many other social benefits of marrying and starting a family.

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Why Do Most Marriages End In Divorce?

There are many reasons why marriages end in divorce. One of the main reasons is that some couples do not fully comprehend how to create the good times between them and how to keep these good times rolling for years on end. What is meant here is not merely having a cerebral knowledge of what should be done to sustain the marriage, rather the willingness to implement what one knows is the right thing to do to save the marriage. Another challenge is how do couples go about implementing the right things they already know?

There is the need for all married couples to implore “the active use of the mind”, not the heart. In every romantic relationship, lovers must be able to apply two different solutions to one challenge. This is related to applying our common sense, our social skills, and having the ability to cope with our emotions. Success in a romantic relationship is all about bridging the gap between principles and actions. For example, a man beating up his wife, or a woman beating up her husband every three days in order to prevent them from getting out of control and start tearing up the roof tiles, could be bridged with “an active use of the mind” to find another solution to this problem.

Domestic Violence Is One Of The Main Causes Of Divorce

One of my good African friends once intimated to me that he always beats up his wife anytime he wanted to make love to her. He told me he was married to two wives. When I asked him his reason for beating up his wife before sex, he said his second wife was always very stubborn. So why do most marriages end in divorce? It’s all because of situations like this – and it seems to be a universal phenomenon – not only among some African men alone. There is a Chinese saying that goes as follows: “If you don’t beat up your wife every three days, she will start tearing up the roof tiles. Meaning that a wife not frequently beaten is a wife out of control.

Despite this, we still expect our marriages to remain intact. What an anomaly! At this point, I must emphasize that wife beating is not indigenous to any particular region or race. A Cambodian man was so infuriated when he came home and found his wife out and no lunch on the table that, he set fire to the family house and burnt it to the ground – the Cambodian language Newspaper, Rasmei Kampuchea Daily reported. The 37 year-old husband torched the house to teach his wife a lesson (emphasis mine). He then turned himself in to the police. The man was then temporarily detained in a local jail where he was assured of regular meals! Only God knows what would have happened if this man had met his wife in that family house.

The Disappearance Of Affection And Mercy In Marital Homes

All societies and all cultures abhor behavior that borders on bestiality – making individuals wolfish in behavior but human in appearance. The two men mentioned above did not behave like people who have in them the feelings of affection and mercy. They were venting their anger upon the love of their lives – those hapless creatures who can ill-afford to defend themselves physically against these attacks from their so-called husbands. These men had forgotten entirely about the ‘covenant of love and affection’ they had promised their loving wives before tying the knot.

The worst still, they have also forgotten that they (their wives) are to be, or already are, the mother of their kids. Nay! These are women whose hearts are throbbing with compassion and affection; and whose souls are yearning for intimacy and true love. In the light of such treatments, they would feel they have lost the love, the dignity, and the position they commanded in the hearts of their ‘better halves’, and, as a consequence, they could become shell-shocked and frightened that they might contemplate suicide. Would these men, callous as they have been, become contrite and pay heed to the rules of the game inherent in keeping their marriages intact?

On the other hand, If, for instance, a man asks his wife to turn on the TV, and she replies by saying: ” You did not marry me to come turn on the TV for you, you better do that by yourself.” She feels they are both equal, and therefore, they should both respect each other – no one taking advantage of the other. It’s absolutely true that both of you are equal, but turning on the TV does not make you look subservient. Rather, it gives you the opportunity to express your feelings of affection and love to your partner. Yes! It does not behoove a man to ask his wife to turn on the TV with a peremptory command similar to that of a military commander issuing orders to his troops.

Certainly some women would carry out this “instruction” with slavish compliance; some others might even refuse to turn on the TV altogether. This reminds me of the famous English poet, William Cowper (1731-1800) who wrote:

He would not, with a peremptory tone,

Assert the nose upon his face his own.

Monotony In Any Relationship Risk Running That Relationship Into The Ground.

There is a Chinese saying that goes as follows: Even the cleverest woman cannot prepare a meal without rice. This is likely to be the case because rice is considered an indispensable in every Chinese meal. It could be said that the “rice” in every matrimonial home is the good inter-personal skills between spouses – whether they do agree with each other in a lot issues or not. There are three virtues inherent in many marriages that have been built to last.

  • Patience in approach to difficulties within the relationship/marital home.
  • Pragmatism in priorities – who gets what, when and how within the relationship.
  • Steadiness in values – there is always the danger of infidelity getting the last word!

For any relationship to endure, there is the need for both partners to be aggressively innovative on how best to ‘spice up’ their relationship. Monotony in any relationship risks running that relationship into the ground – especially if one partner insists on sticking to their way of doing things – the same old things – come hell or high water!

Conclusion

God wants us to maximize our minds to be positive, resourceful, innovative and constructive so that we can help find solutions to some challenges in society. We cannot rely on old solutions to solve marital problems. To this writer, divorce is an old solution in resolving problems associated with marriage. We need to tie it to a big rock and throw it into the Bermuda Triangle and forget it. Obviously at a point in time, one reaches a saturation point and needs to get rid of the old. More than ever, this means liberating our thinking, daring to rush forward, daring to act, daring to do whatever it takes to keep marriages intact.

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Effects Of Marital Infidelity – A Closer Look

There is a general feeling of malaise today in our world – uneasy as it is – with the prevalence of ever-rising divorce rates, sexual and marital infidelity, (even at Presidential levels), and a concomitant sexually-transmitted disease – HIV/AIDS. The iconoclastic attitude toward the institution of marriage is widespread among today’s youth – an indicator that the word love has lost it’s true meaning and significance. A disease like AIDS which alters the body’s metabolism and makes the patient become dry and slim must be dreaded and avoided.

Love And Sexual Infidelity

We are seeing with our eyes what AIDS is doing to mankind. Mankind has been fighting some diseases whose causes are known but whose cures are yet unknown. Two of such diseases are leprosy and AIDS. Surely, we have offended God so much so that if He decides to punish us no one will be left on this planet. Note that in 13th Century France, more than 2000 facilities were built to house sufferers of leprosy – a Biblical disease. However, the Biblical stigma remains great that emotionally loaded terms like : leper” and ” leprosy” are no longer used.

It is now known as Hansen’s disease, named after a Norwegian physician who first pin-pointed the disease in 1873. It is possible that the “civilized” man may eventually destroy the world as we know it today. This destruction may result from diseases – not from Intercontinenetal Ballistic Missiles (ICBMs) or Nuclear Submarines. This has been the sorry state of the “civilized” man, who has misplaced the true meaning of love. Our freewheeling “macho” attitudes toward sex would only push us toward extinction.

Marital Infidelity By A Dignitary’s Wife In Ancient Egypt

When the Holy Scriptures teach and advise us on the true meaning of love, they are not only dogmatizing, it’s for our own good. Our disobedience and arrogance will only bring us more trouble. In the Holy Qur’an (the Muslim Holy Book), we read the story of Prophet Yusuf (Joseph), in which we find how carnal love is contrasted with purity and chastity. The Qur’anic story is a highly spiritual sermon or allegory explaining the enduring nature of virtue in a world full of flux and change. Joseph was taken by a merchant into Egypt and was bought by a great Egyptian court dignitary (Aziz), who adopted him. The dignitary’s wife sought – in vain, to attract Joseph to the delights of earthly love, which he resisted.

“And she, in whose house he was

Sought to seduce him (to do an evil act),

She fastened the doors and said:

‘Come on O you.’

He said: ‘God forbid.’

‘Truly, he (your husband) is my master!

He made my living in a great comfort! (So I will not betray him)’

Verily, the Zalimoon (wrong and evil doers)

Will never be successful.” (Qur’an,18:23)

The Egyptian court dignitary had treated Joseph with honor; he was more his guest and son than his slave. In trying to seduce Joseph in these circumstances, his wife closed the doors in an attempt to hide her crime. Joseph was a stranger in the land of Egypt, had he decided ‘to go for it’, no one would have known, and even if their act were to be discovered, he could have escaped from Egypt. More over this was a slave being offered sex by his master’s wife an extremely beautiful woman. Needless to say, this was a moment when a slave was given an opportunity to share the marital bed with his master – an opportunity some of today’s men – whether single or married would not squander!

Shocked husband discovering his young cheating wife with lover on couch

True Love And Marital Infidelity Are Strange Bed Fellows

 

From the above story, Joseph was still innocent, and worst of all, he was even threatened of imprisonment or severe punishment if he declined her ‘generous offer’. Joseph had all the reasons to ‘go get it’. Despite all these, he held fast to his faith in God and rose above his animal instinct. He was saved from this situation due to his knowledge of God and his faith in Him. The courtier’s wife, on the hand, was guilty against Joseph’s honor and dignity. And there was a third fault in her earthly love. True love blots Self out. It thinks of the loved one than of the Self .

The courtier’s wife was seeking the satisfaction of her own selfish passion. This was an instance whereby a married woman tried to cheat on her husband within the confines of her matrimonial home. Then do we say the courtier’s wife did not love her husband when she agreed to marry her in the first place? Something might have gone wrong somewhere.

The Effect Of Passion On Marital Infidelity

The Holy Qur’an describes the strong passion that blinded this woman who only wanted to satisfy her sexual instinct without thinking of its consequences:

“And (with passion) did she

Desire him, and he would

Have desired her, but that

He saw the evidence of

His Lord: thus (did We order)

That We might turn away from

Him(all) evil and indecent deeds

For he was one of Our chosen (guided) slaves.” (Qur’an, 12:24).

So she was blinded with passion and his plea had no effect on her. Joseph was human after all and her passionate love and her beauty placed a great temptation in his path. But he had a sure refuge – his faith in God. His spiritual eyes saw something that her eyes, blinded by passion, did not see. She thought no one saw them when the door was being closed. But Joseph knew that God was there. That made him to rise above temptation. The credit of our being saved from temptation is due, not to our earthly nature, but to God. We can only try, like Joseph, to be true and sincere; God will purify and save us from all that is wrong.

 

Effects Of Marital Infidelity: It Causes A Spouse To Bend In The Direction Of Every Wind

Tempted, yes. But we rise above ourselves, If you love someone, you naturally obey him or her. Yes. Joseph was tempted but his love for God, which for him was more important than anything else – prevented him from succumbing to the wiles of this woman who had something of the dog in her – she radiated ethereal beauty as if though, not of this world! My question to the courtier’s wife: Was your love for your husband built upon sincerity, purity and affection? Or that it was only built upon satisfying your sexual instincts? Despite being the wife of a dignitary, why did you stoop too low? Here, you were ready to run after every caller and bend in the direction of every wind just in order to satisfy your sexual cravings – a vivid example of a cheating spouse.

 

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Dating And Marriage In Islam

In most Islamic societies and communities, it is not a common practice for young people to actively seek a partner for themselves by following modern and Western rituals, such as dating. However, young Muslim men and women are strongly encouraged to marry as soon as possible, since the family is recognized as the foundation of Islamic society. According to traditional Islamic law, women and men are not free to date or intermingle, which results in a more drawn-out and deliberate process. In Arab world, for instance, a large majority of marriages are arranged marriages in which the parents or guardians select appropriate matrimonial mates for their offspring. The amount of choice and acceptance involved in choosing marriage partners often depends on the class and educational status of the family. Some important characteristics in choosing a worthy mate are faith and chastity.

Despite all these, there is no doubt that every man or woman might have had a romantic relationship with the opposite sex – this could have been real or imagined. However, there is no need to compile a dictionary of relationships between men and women, their successes and failures. What is intended here is a brief description of these relationships, the extent to which dating and marriage can proceed, and how they should end in the eyes of Islam.

The first most important thing to take note of in resolving problems associated with relationships is the saying of the Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him): “We have not seen anything better for lovers other than marriage.” Therefore, in the eyes of Islam, every romantic relationship is considered to be deficient if it’s not crowned by marriage. In other words, every love affair is considered to be fake and insincere if its not authenticated by marriage.

It’s Better To Have A Congenial Companion

In Islam, its recommended having a congenial companion when dating. When Abu Bakr and Umar ( both close companions) of the Prophet of Islam, and who later succeeded him as both the first and second Caliphs of Islam respectively; proposed to marry his daughter Fatima, the Prophet declined and said: “She is a small girl.” But when Ali, the Prophet’s cousin and a much younger man proposed marriage to Fatima, his request was accepted and they subsequently married.

The Prophet’s refusal to marry off his beloved daughter, Fatima, to either Abu Bakr or Umar wasn’t because they were not God-fearing enough, or that they had some unspecified defects, rather it was due to their age – Fatima was close to 40 years younger than both men. On the other hand, Ali, the Prophet’s cousin was within an acceptable age limit. Fatima was about 19 and Ali was about 25 according some accounts. This could also serve as a lesson to some Muslims who might like to force their younger daughters to marry much older men for the sake of money and prestige. In Islam, women are to be consulted before marrying them off to others. Marriage should be voluntary, rather than coercion, and by love that is mutual, not lop-sided.

It’s Also Recommended Meeting And Getting To Know Each Other

In order to ensure that there is mutual love and affection between prospective marriage partners, Islam has made it compulsory for both partners to first of all meet with each other and get to know each other better. So that, it does not happen that, after dating halfway one partner begins to snap at the other’s ankles. After a man from the Ansar – the helpers – in Medina who welcomed the Prophet to their city after he emigrated there from Mecca – proposed to a woman and informed the Prophet about it, he asked: “Did you take a look at her?” His answer was an emphatic “No”. The Prophet then said: ” Go and take a look at her, surely there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.”

The Prophet also said to Mugheera, the son of Shu’ba (one of his companions), who informed him of his proposal to a certain woman: “Go and take a look at her, for its likely that (through your looking at each other), the feeling of affection and companionship would occur between the both of you.” At the time both partners are looking at each other, and their eyes meeting each other, their body chemistry eventually causes the both of them to fall in love.

At this time, the man would see through the eyes of his future wife – that radiation of ethereal beauty, the woman would also see through the eyes of her future husband those sweet smiles of his – that are genuine – rather than cloying. However, the meeting between the both of them must not take place in a secluded place, or without a chaperon or a relative.

God-Consciuosness During Dating And Marriage

In Islam God-consciousness during dating and marriage is highly recommended. Because with God-consciousness, lovers would know the secure path to take to avoid unwanted outcomes. With their trust in God, they would be able to endure the hardships associated with journeying across the treacherous hills and valleys of dating. They would continue to pray that God deliver them safely at their destination – where they find marriage. To be sure, they are likely to encounter all aspects of trials during their dating.

It’s their trust in God that will enable them to quickly get up anytime they stumble and fall down. It’s their trust in God that will enable them gather more momentum and keep up the fight. It would only be the potency of their faith and prayer that would lead them to the matrimonial home. Their prayers would be:

“Our Lord! Bestow on us

Mercy from thyself,

And dispose of our affair

For us in the right way!” (Qur’an, 18:10)

Besides being mindful of, and putting their trust in God, young lovers need their parents to guide them through. They should be always available to provide the necessary assistance to them as they embark on their journey. And, although parents have no right to put their children through force marriages, their relevance at this juncture cannot be over-emphasized. They have already gotten to where these young lovers are aspiring to get to. Therefore, they are capable of steering them along the dating “conveyor belt” until they are finally delivered at their destination.

The Passage Isn’t Serpentine. Its Straight And Short

In conclusion, Islam has laid down a safe passage through which lovers should take during dating. This passage isn’t serpentine, its straight and short. This is meant to protect lovers from falling into pitfalls. Therefore, once the aura of love  begins to make rounds between two people belonging to the opposite sex, there is an urgent need to effect a marriage contract. There is no need to indulge oneself in re-examining the relationship over and over. The reason being that, at this moment, its only the heart that is supposed to take charge – not the head.

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What Is In A Healthy Relationship After Marriage?

As a newly-wed, memories of a sweet and magnificent wedding has passed. But has it carried with it that love which had existed between you long before this wedding? Has the throbbing pulse of love, tenderness, affection and mercy vanished after the wedding night? Now what is in a healthy relationship after marriage? The answer to this is found in the Muslim Holy Book, The Holy Qur’an:

“And among His signs

Is this, which He created

For you mates from among

Yourselves, that ye may

Dwell in tranquility with them

And he has put love and mercy

Between your (hearts); Verily

In those are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, 23:21)

Love After Marriage Continues To Be Like A Waterfall

“…that ye may dwell in tranquility with them…”. Undoubtedly, it is that type of love that is based upon kindness and friendliness. It has indeed settled in the innermost core of the heart that in turn generates a longing for each other. Yes. It is that type of true love that has fallen upon the soul, the senses, and the entire body. In this manner, the couple find in each other, a peace of mind, a reassurance and a deep-rooted sense of security. The love between them continues to grow every day – defying time and place. It indeed compares favorably with a waterfall whose water increases rather than decreases – all because this is a type of love that has been based upon the purity of purpose – not upon deception by sophistry.

In order to deepen the love between them, the woman’s rights is emphasized by the Qur’an, and strongly recommended by the Prophet of Islam. The Qur’an states:

“…Live with them on a footing

of kindness and equity, for if ye

Hate them, it may happen that

Ye hate a thing and God brings

About through it, a great deal of good (Qur’an, 4:19)

The Prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon him) said: ” The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. The most perfect believers are the best in conduct, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.”

Who is the best man to his family? Is he the one whose wedding cake was the biggest and the most expensive; or the one who bought the most expensive wedding ring for his fiancee; the one who provides for all the needs of the family in terms of food, money and clothing? There is something, if not present, renders all the above meaningless. It is indeed love! It is indeed compassion and tenderness, affection and empathy.

Is the best of you to his family the one who plays night baseball or watches TV deep into the night – leaving his partner groaning, moaning and craving for a satisfying and relaxing sex? The Prophet of Islam did have a good deal of prescience about what was likely to happen between married couples when he reminded them that: “No believing man should loathe a believing woman, should it happen that he hates a particular trait in her, it’s likely he might love something good about her too.”

The Door Leading To Mutual Hatred Should Be Slammed

In order to ensure a healthy relationship after marriage, it’s imperative that all doors leading to mutual hatred be slammed. This is because, there is always going to be that thin wall that separates love and hatred in every healthy relationship. Therefore, a single mistake by one partner shouldn’t lead to a whole roomful of horrors. The prevailing ambiance should be nothing but mutual affection and magnanimity. Should it happen that there appears any disturbance in their relationship, they should endeavor to dispel it by effective communication between them.

The act of dispelling disturbances is workable only if they cast their memories back in time to that covenant that had existed between them – and which they now seem to be forgetting – the covenant of affection and love, the covenant of companionship and compassion. The unfettered love between them should not be allowed to deteriorate into nit-picking picayune disputes. In a letter written in 1792, Thomas Jefferson ( 1743 -1826), the Third President of The United States of America wrote: ” Let what will be said or done, preserve your sangfroid immovably, and to every obstacle, oppose patience, perseverance and a soothing language.” I personally would regard Jefferson’s advice as indirectly directed to couples who aspire to keep their marriages intact – if even that wasn’t his intention. His advice is timeless and priceless as far love and relationships are concerned.

There should be A Win-Win Situation Within The Marital Home

Your hearts should be fortresses of love that entertains no one else but each other. In a matrimonial home, each partner is expected to reciprocate the love and kindness given them by the other partner. A loving wife is supposed to guard the property of her husband – and not squander it during his absence from home. The man too is required to provide for his wife adequate financial support according to his means. After all, money is not love, but money supports love. As in Christianity, Islam sees a woman, whether single or married as an individual in her own right.

She has the right to own and dispose of her property and earnings without any guardianship over her ( whether that be her father, husband or anyone else). She has the right to buy and sell, give gifts and charity, and may spend her money as she pleases. A marriage gift that was given to her before marriage by the groom is for her personal use, and she may also keep her family name – rather than taking her husband’s. Irrespective of all these, the man is still expected to fulfill his conjugal duties toward her according to his means.

Conclusion

The rules of the game within a matrimonial home should be in harmony with upright human nature. In consideration of the physiological and psychological make-up of man and woman, both should have equal rights and claims on one another. These claims should be channeled through mutual understanding and consideration for one another’s actual circumstances. It should be done in such a manner as to not result in mutual hatred between them.

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What The Power Of Love Is – Understanding It

We cannot understand the power of love until we understand the meaning of love. Now what is love? Love is a word that is being uttered by every human being – sometimes without knowing it’s significance. True love causes the heart to tremble. It makes the tongue incapable of expressing the true nature of the feelings that are deep-rooted in the innermost recesses of the heart. Love is a word that had lived within the fortress of the heart since the creation of Adam and Eve. It has the attributes of tenderness and affection. True love causes the limbs to speak – both verbally and physically.

Love could be categorized into two basic degrees of intensity – true love, which is the most intense, and springs forth from the fortress of the heart, and fake love, that is of a lower intensity and does not surpass the throat. In other words, true love resides in the fortress of the heart. Whereas, fake love resides in the throat. To be sure, it’s the worst form of love. There is no doubt that for every coin, there are two faces, and in every relationship, there is bound to be two faces as well – true and fake love. Now, What is the power of love?

The Power Of Love As Exemplified By A True Lover

In her letter to an advice corner, one reader wrote: ” My boyfriend and I have been a couple for five months and are very much in love. He is wonderful and attractive, and the sweetest man I’ve ever dated. He takes care of my car problems, flat tires, anything I need, and I help him in his business, makes him dinner, anything he needs, we see each other every day. He is the man of my dreams. My problem is that I’m ready to talk marriage, and he doesn’t seem to be. He is 10 years older than me and has been married twice before, both times to women who turn out NOT to be nice people and about whom he had misgivings even before tying the knot.”

She continued: ” I’ve never been married before, and I do take it very seriously. My bringing up the subject has been a killer of other relationships in the past, and this one, I don’t want to kill. Subsequently, I’m afraid to bring it up. We share the same religion and believe that premarital sex is wrong… I vacillate between two camps: thinking I need to back off and prepare to date other people, or the idea that, OK, being his girlfriend is definitely better than being any other man’s wife…”

The power of love drove this woman to his current boyfriend. But how do we know whether that was true love of fake love? The power of fake love can, as well, drive anyone toward the opposite sex. We know it was the power of true love that drove her to her current boyfriend in her own words when she said: “…my problem is that I’m ready to talk marriage, and he doesn’t seem to be… I’ve never been married before, and I do take it very seriously. My bringing up this subject has been a killer to other relationships in the past, and this one, I don’t want to kill (emphasis mine). That statement exactly symbolizes the power of true love.

To this writer, at the top of every “love mountain” is marriage. In other words love is considered to be deficient if its not authenticated by marriage. On the other hand, this woman’s boyfriend couldn’t be said to be driven by the same potency. To be fair to him, this is a man who is also in love – which he has proven by taking care of his partner’s car problems, flat tires, anything [she] needs. But when it comes to the subject of marriage, he isn’t in the mood. There seems to me an asymmetry regarding the intensity of love flowing both ways.

Love Compares Favorably With The Eyes And Wings Of A Bat

Love is like a bat, and by analogy, its eyes compare favorably with a fake love, whereas its wings compare favorably with true love. Naturally, the bat keeps hidden in the daylight, although, daylight reveals everything else, gets moving in the night, although, the night shuts up every other living being. The bat keeps its eyelids down in the day, and instead treats night as a lamp. The darkness of the night does not obstruct the sight of the bat, nor does the gloom of darkness prevent it from movement.

However, as soon as the sun removes its veil and the light of morning appears, and the rays of its light enter upon the lizards in their holes, the bat pulls down its eyelids. This has been the case because, the bats eyes get dazzled during the daytime. It cannot make use of the light of the sun for being guided in its movements, and for reaching its abode. In effect, the brightness of daylight is of no use to the bat’s eyes. In the same manner, fake love has no potency – and not even the brightness of the day would cause it to see the beauty that life has to offer.

On the hand, true love is like the wings of the same bat. These wings are made of flesh, they look like the end of ears without feathers or bones. You can see the veins quite distinctly. These wings are neither too thin to get turned over, during flying, nor too thick to prove heavy. When the bat flies, the young ones hold fast to these wings – seeking refuge with them. The young does not leave these wings until its own limbs and wings get strong and can bear it for rising up and flying too. The potency of true love is analogous to tenderness, humility, helping your partner to hold fast to you – seeking refuge in you and counting on you at all times. True love looks like the end of ears without bones, yet very resilient and supportive

Conclusion

True love has a power that endures forever. And it differentiates itself from fake love by the virtue of the longevity and intensity of your relationship with the opposite sex. To be sure, relationships between “lovers” could be intense but short – indeed as short as a one night stand. It could also last longer, but would still lack the closeness, the intensity and the potency associated with true love.

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I Love My Husband But Want Divorce

To be sure, this statement from a woman who says she loves her husband but still wants a divorce looks contradictory. All in all, love leads to togetherness. Whereas, divorce leads to separation. At a time that there exists true love between a married couple, there is bound to be a mutual feeling of affection and tenderness toward one another. If a wife’s love for her husband were intense, she would definitely not hesitate to play her part in fulfilling her responsibilities toward her husband. These so-called responsibilities are of no practical significance – they are merely acts aimed at proving to the husband how much she loves him.

For this reason, The Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him) had said: “The best of women are those who make their men happy when they look at them; obey them when they instruct them; and when their men are absent, they guard their chastity and their husband’s wealth.” Indeed, Therefore, it is basically the distortion of the meaning of love for a woman to claim that she loves her husband but still wants a divorce.

When Patience Falters, Mutual Hatred Develops

In a letter written in 1792, Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), the third President of the United States of America wrote: “Let what will be said or done preserve your sangfroid immovably, and to every obstacle oppose patience, perseverance and a soothing language.” Although this was not a letter written by Jefferson to true lovers, this writer strongly recommends all lovers to pay heed to this beautiful advice.

And, although Jefferson might have known very little about the Holy Qur’an, The Muslim Holy Book, the advice of this great man speaks volumes for lovers. And indeed, it is in conformity with a similar advice given to believing men and women in the Muslim Holy Book:

“Ye shall currently be tried and tested

In your possessions and in yourselves,

And ye shall certainly hear much that

Will grieve you…but if ye persevere

Patiently (tasberuu), and guard against evil,

Then that indeed is a matter of great resolution. (Qur’an, 3:186).

The Arabic word Sabr implies many shades of meaning, which is impossible to comprehend in one English word. It implies (1) patience of being thorough, not hasty (2) patient perseverance, constancy, steadfastness, firmness of purpose; (3) systematic as opposed to chance action (4) a cheerful attitude of resignation and understanding in sorrow, defeat or suffering, as opposed to murmuring or rebellion; but saved from mere passivity or listlessness.

All these qualities, when inherent in any matrimonial home, would save it from going down the drain. Add to this our battles against the vicissitudes of life – not wealth and possession (or the lack of them), are the means of our trial. All our personal relationships, the color of our skin, our talents, knowledge, opportunities and their opposites; in fact everything that happens to us and makes up our personalities is a means of our testing. Therefore, if love is the glue that holds marriages intact, then patience is the hand that holds the glue.

Can Love And Hate Become Bedfellows?

If lovers are not able to address each other with a soothing language; and cannot oppose obstacles between them with patience, as Jefferson stated in his letter – that had nothing to do with relationships, mutual hatred develops. Which with time, leads to lovers or married couples distancing themselves from each other. This inevitably leads to one partner still loving their opposite number yet wanting a divorce. Either of them finds excuses to be unfaithful, there and then, the love that existed between them turns into a breeze that wafts its way through the window and out of the marital home – as if it had never existed.

This is exactly what is happening in this our Digital Age! It’s happening because the meaning of love has not been well-digested by some of us. We are now marrying later than our parents – divorcing faster! Indeed, there are men in this Age who still beat their wives. The Prophet of Islam (p.b.u.h), wondered more than fourteen hundred years ago why a man would beat his wife and said: “Anyone of you will willfully flog his wife – like the flogging of a slave and, then perhaps would have sexual intercourse with her later the same day.” How would a man beat up his wife in the morning, and later have sex with her in the evening? Can love and hate ever become bedfellows?

We Sometimes Become Prisoners Of Love

If you tell me you still love your husband but you are filing for divorce what does that tell me as a true love advocate? it tells me you have become a prisoner of love. To be sure, sometimes, we are held hostage to a loveless relationship to which we have not contributed. At different stages in our lives, We all have to face the real world of romance – that could be unfair and unkind. As the Chines saying goes, “It is very easy to summon up a ghost, but not nearly as easy getting rid of it.”. In my own words, it is very easy to fall in love, but not nearly as easy falling out of love! Falling in love these days is the hardest thing to do. You really cannot tell who will be the best partner in a romantic affair. It is equally harder to stay aloof from romance – unless, of course, you vow to remain celibate.

There are those women and men who reason speciously that – it is always the other partner who needs the sex – not him or her. Indeed, they are ambivalent about sex. They need the sex, but hate to express it in words and deeds. As a result, they move around the marital home with a sense of insensitivity toward sex. “After all, if he needs me, he would come to me…and even if he does, I will make it a bit tough for him.” One housewife asserted. We often hear of a man “raping” his wife. How could that happen between true lovers? One’s marital home can be wrecked by such gauche manners. This attitude could force a man or woman to satisfy their sexual cravings through other means.

Sex Is Not To Be Ashamed Of

In a matrimonial home, sex is not to be ashamed of, or to be treated lightly. Or to be indulged in excess. It is as solemn a fact as anything is in life. This writer had an acquaintance who occasionally strayed out of the marital bed. His reason was that: “:Anytime I needed sex, my wife always found excuses to deny it to me…so it is not my fault…”

Do you still love your husband/wife but want divorce? Or are you ambivalent about sex?

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The Wedding Cake And Love – A New Reality

A wedding cake is the traditional cake served at wedding receptions following dinner. In popular Western culture, the cake is usually displayed publicly and served to guests at the reception. Traditionally, wedding cakes were made to bring good luck to all guests and the couple. How do we compare love with the nature of a wedding ceremony? In other words, how do we know how much two partners love each other by observing the size of their wedding breakfast or wedding cake? Does a small wedding cake signify no love or little love? Does a big wedding cake or breakfast signify great love?

Before answering this question, this writer believes that common sense tells us of a gap between the knowledge that comes from books and the wisdom that comes from virtue. There may be times when we can know and measure knowledge. But I’m personally convinced that we can never weigh and measure wisdom. In short, wisdom is not only derived on top of the graduate school mountain, but can also be found on the sandbox at nursery school. Let’s all agree that wisdom means good judgment; common sense; wise thoughts; or simply the quality of being wise.

Love, The Wedding Cake And Royalty

Princess Diana, The Peoples’s Princess, was the most popular princess in the history of the British Monarchy. Prince Charles’ and Princess Diana’s wedding reception, back in 1980, was full of beautiful cakes, 27 to be exact, however, the main cake was the centerpiece and was designed and made by David Avery, head of the Royal Naval Cooking School. The cake that stood five feet tall is said to have cost $40,000 thirty eight years ago, and a few slices were saved and are being being auctioned off over the years. They were preserved in their original white and silver presentation box and are being sold at the auctions for nearly $2,000 a slice.

In audio tapes broadcast in March 2004, in a two-part NBC News special, Diana, The Princess of Wales described her early knowledge of Prince Charles’ affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, her battle with bulimia, and several suicide attempts. ” I threw myself down the stairs bearing in mind I was carrying a child.” She said. Describing one incident.

” Queen (Elizabeth) comes out, absolutely horrified, shaking she’s so frightened…and Charles went our riding.” Diana continued: ” I once heard him on the telephone in his bath…and he said, “Whatever happens, I’ll always love you, and I told him I’d listened at the door…we had a filthy row. She later said her eating disorder “started the week after we got engaged” ” My husband put his hands on my waistline and said: “Oh, a bit chubby here, aren’t we?” And that triggered something in me.”

Such had been the fate of a Princess who had touched the hearts of so many people around the world with her love and compassion.

The Wedding Is Set After The ‘Bell Of Love’ Rings

Is it part of wisdom to dine, wine and eat so much cake during their wedding that couples go home with minds befuddled by too much drinking that they even find it difficult to locate their marital bed? Let’s be honest, holding a wedding ceremony for two lovers doesn’t occur until the ‘bell of love’ has rung several times inside the hearts of these two lovers who are already at the top of the ‘Love Mountain’ – reminding them that something needs to be done urgently. There comes the need to answer to this clarion call. Answering this call entails the announcement of a wedding ceremony that indicates a desire to live together forever after.

To be sure, Royal and Star-studded weddings, that are pomp-laden with huge and well-decorated wedding cakes have foundered after only few years. This is also true in some opulent communities across North and South America, Africa, Asia. Europe, and indeed, the Middle East – where the teachings of their religion discourages, to a larger extent, extravagance during weddings. Where is the wisdom in indulging in extravagance during weddings only for the bride and the bridegroom to start snapping at each other’s ankles once the ‘love feast’ is over?

Some bridegrooms actually spend all of their life-savings during weddings just to impress their brides – and other attendees – only to go on a borrowing spree – asking their creditors not to let their “First Ladies” know they are now totally broke after the wedding. As a true love advocate, I can only relate these facts from real original sources and according to my experience and not from mere speculation! How wise would it be, if all lovers would follow the virtues of true love as described by the Muslim Holy Book – The Holy Qur’an:

A Wedding Cake Should not ‘Rob Peter To Paul’

And The Holy Qur’an says:

“Those who, when they spend,

Are not extravagant and not

Niggardly, but hold a just (balance)

Between those Extremes.” (Qur’an, 25:67).

In ordinary spending, this is a wise rule. But even more important is in a wedding or charity; in which we do of our best, it is expected that we should not be extravagant – we should neither do it for show, to impress other people, nor do it thoughtlessly, which would be the case if we ‘rob Peter to pay Paul’. We should certainly not be miserly, but we should remember everyone’s rights – including our own and that of our lovers, and strike a perfect just balance between them. If we neglect our partner’s rights during a wedding, and thus indulge in extravaganza, it would be a matter of time when all the masquerading that we did in front of our lovers wander, thus leaving us in the lurch.

Why would you opt for a bigger and a very expensive well-decorated wedding cake if you cannot afford it? There have been several weddings that were ostentatious but which later foundered on the grounds that the men were broke! Internationally, ‘play boys’ addicted to fast women and fast cars often indulge in flamboyant weddings. But what has often been the outcome? They sometimes end in a bad taste. After passing a whole day eating a well-decorated and expensive wedding cake in a cozy wedding ceremony – quaffing all the ale their money can buy, some bridegrooms usually go home to their brides swaggering and intoxicated.

Here is A ‘Wolf’ Displaying The Courage Of a ‘Lion’ On A Wedding Night

After having enjoyed a sumptuous wedding cake during a flamboyant wedding ceremony, the bridegroom arrives home. And carelessness, that is often said to be a foe to sense gets the better of him, he then pounces upon his helpless bride like what a wolf, displaying the courage of lion does, when it pounces upon a prey in the jungle. Due to his drunkenness, he might even throw up the expensive wedding cake he had consumed.on top of the marital bed. Then what will be the outcome? What will be the impression of the helpless bride – who sacrificed all other suitors to be his wife? Would it be love on the first wedding night or hatred on the first wedding night?

The ostentatious display of finery and outrageously expensive jewels during weddings sometimes play a part in robberies. One of the memorable acts of ostentation in history was when Cleopatra dissolved a precious pearl in a cup of wine! To be sure, the experience of a bride who has been pounced upon on a wedding night would continue to rankle within her for the days, weeks and months ahead.

Yes, this has been a sad experience for this bride during her first encounter with her ‘playboy’ after the wedding. These ‘playboys’ might try to justify their drinking of too much wine by saying: ” We drank too much in order to enhance our virility!” What a pity! They may be ignorant of the fact that drinking too much is often associated with sexual impotence. If they knew they were partially impotent, why didn’t they make appointments with their urologists before time and/or arrange to buy some Viagra? All in all, the size of a wedding cake and of course, the flamboyance and extravaganza displayed during any particular wedding has nothing to do with true love.

Conclusion

True love is what is needed by lovers before, during and after the wedding night – because it endures. And every morning, it acts like a gentle breeze that wafts the scent of the roses of love into the matrimonial home through it’s open windows. As for the pomp and well-decorated wedding cakes, they quickly disappear into the wilderness as if they were never part of the wedding ceremony.

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The Dowry And Love – An Eye-Opener

Dowry is a kind of gift given by the bride’s family to the bridegroom’s family or vice-versa. This comes along with the giving away of the bride. The terms and conditions of dowry often match those of a regular business or a financial agreement. Dowry negotiations are an essential prerequisite to a marital bond. When two lovers have been able to climb up to the proverbial Love Mountain, it’s only natural that they would now love to tie the knot, and the dowry should no longer be an impediment on their way. At this juncture of their love life, their love for each other would now be said to have attained a considerable degree of maturity and perfection. In some parts of the world, and especially in the Middle East, the dowry or Mahr, could still be an obstacle for lovers trying to perfect their relationship through marriage.

Mahr or the marriage gift in some Islamic countries continue (until this day) to pose serious threats to lovers – especially to the young men and women who aspire to crown their relationships through marriage. To be sure, in some of these countries, the dowry demanded by some relatives have become backbreaking to some lovers. In places where the men are supposed to pay the dowry, it often turns the women into commodities on sale. What parents and guardians do forget is that, these two lovers have already reached the mountain-top of love and, if at this time a man or woman is asked to pay a huge amount of dowry to their partner-to-be, then their love for each other becomes meaningless!

The Correlation Between Love And The Dowry

To this writer, there exists a strong correlation between love and the dowry, When the love existing between two individuals is intense and sincere, the dowry becomes insignificant and shouldn’t pose an impediment on their way to tying the knot. On the other hand, if the dowry demanded by relatives is backbreaking, that would definitely affect the intensity and sincerity of the love that exists between these two individuals.

A man or woman requested by law or custom to pay a huge amount of dowry to their marriage partner would feel that an impediment has been placed on them and their lovers – that impediment which is immaterial to the meaning of love. The concept of the dowry from an Islamic perspective is neither an actual nor symbolic price for the woman – as was the case in certain cultures – but rather, it’s a gift symbolizing love and affection toward the woman of his dreams. It’s specifically decreed that a woman has the full right to her Mahr or dowry, and that such ownership does not transfer to her father or her husband.

Sometimes, the dowry is used as a shackle to prevent a man from seeking a divorce – should fault lines begin to appear on top of the Love Mountain. If parents and guardians all over the world had executed the payment of the dowry as stipulated by God and His Messenger, Muhammad (peace be upon him), it would not have become an impediment that always threatens to extinguish the fire between lovers. Even though, Mahr, according to Islam, has no price tag, and has therefore not established a particular amount of money to be given to a woman by her lover, It indeed, does not prohibit giving a whole treasure as a dowry to a woman.

Dowry Or Marriage Gift Should Only Act As A Symbol Of Love And Affection

Yes. The dowry has no price tag because it only acts as a symbol of love and affection. The Mahr to be given therefore increases and decreases according to the wherewithal of the man involved. At the apex of the proverbial Love Mountain, lovers see the whole world beneath them. They see the forest surrounding them; they also see the rivers flowing beneath their feet; they do also see other lovers hoping to get to where they have reached. They see the rainbow of love above them. Breathe in the fresh air of love; And above all, eat and drink love.

The dowry, although an integral part of marriages in almost every culture on earth, shouldn’t become a hindrance at that juncture. As a matter of fact, the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him), did witness the marriage of a woman from the Bani Fazaara tribe in Arabia. This marriage was consummated based on a pair of sandals.as the marriage gift. The Prophet asked this woman during the marriage ceremony: “Do you approve of your own accord a pair of sandals as a marriage gift?” She answered in the affirmative. The Prophet then endorsed the marriage.

Yes! She answered in the affirmative because the marriage gift became valueless in the eyes of true love that had already settled in their hearts and had “crowded out” any potential impediment on their way to marriage. Love is priceless and, therefore this woman did not want the luster of gold to inveigle their relationship down the drain.

Love Is Timeless And Priceless

Some critics might say that the above episode took place almost a century and a half ago, and that it would no longer hold true for this “Digital Age”. I argue that lessons derived from this episode are irrelevant to time and place. Rather, it was the true meaning of love that was called to attention. For love is timeless and priceless. When and if an expensive marriage gift is imposed upon a man who aspires to marry his lover, and even if he is able to pay this amount, he might, as a result look at his wife as if she had kidnapped him. Likewise, if it’s the woman paying the dowry, she might as well think the same way.

Yes! He indeed is looking at her as if he had bought her with money – not with love! As soon as a man begins to think this way about his wife, his love for her begin to wane, until such a time that a little misunderstanding between them leads to a ‘whole roomful of horrors’ – like burning his wife’s face with acid or even killing her. The less severe of these horrors might just be a divorce. The reason would have been that the expensive dowry imposed upon him did practically replace his true love for his partner. Some acts of lovers toward each other are explainable only through an examination of the concomitant circumstances.

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