There is a general feeling of malaise today in our world, uneasy as it is with the prevalence of ever-rising divorce rates, sexual infidelity (even at Presidential levels), and a concomitant sexually transmitted disease – HIV/AIDS. The iconoclastic attitude toward the institution of marriage is widespread among today’s youth – an indication that the word “love” has lost its significance and flavor. Although we all understand that its not every woman or man’s intention to get married or have a baby, the first most important thing for us to do, is to take a quick look at the saying of the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him),
“We have not seen anything better for lovers other than marriage”
In other words, every romantic relationship is considered to be deficient if its not crowned with marriage – every love is considered fake if not authenticated by marriage.
Take Away My Certificate And Give Me A Husband – A Woman Doctor Cries Out
This is a woman doctor who cries out saying:
“Take away my certificate and give me a husband.” Let us read what the poor doctor writes in her own words: ” Every morning at 7am, I shed tears behind the chauffeur who drives me in my car to the medical clinic ‘prison cell’ or ‘grave’. She went on saying: ” Every time I reached my destination, I found women and children waiting for me. They looked at me with admiration and regarded my white coat as if it were luxurious clothes made of Persian silk. Yet, it was in my view the ‘mourner’s clothes’. And every time I reached my clinic, I fixed the stethoscope as if it were a hangman’s rope tied around my neck.”
She continues, ” Now I’m in my thirties and I’m very pessimistic about the future.” Then she cries out: “Take away my certificate, my coat and my money and let me hear the word MUM.” Then she writes a few lines describing her inner feelings: “People would call me a doctor, but what benefit do I get from hearing it. So tell those who consider me as a good example that, now I’m to be pitied. All I want and hope for is to have my own child to hug and caress. But can I buy it with all my money?” At this point, one might still be asking, Is marriage necessary? Even If it is, then What is marriage in Islam?
The Natural Right To Enjoy The World’s Beauty
This writer has the firm belief that, everyone, no matter their circumstances, has the natural right to enjoy the world’s beauty and joie de vivre. In the Muslim Holy Book, The Qur’an, we are reminded of this joie de vivre:
“And among His signs is this,
That He has created for you
Mates from among yourselves,
That ye may dwell in tranquility
With them, and He has put love
And mercy between your (hearts)
Verily in that are signs for those
Who reflect.(Qur’an, 30:21).
The Qur’anic verse refers to the wonderful mystery of sex. Children arise out of the union of the sexes. And its always the female that brings forth the off-spring – whether a boy or a girl. And the father is as responsible as the mother for bringing forth daughters. Unregenerate man is pugnacious in the male sex. But rest and tranquility are found in the normal relations of both parents living together and raising a family. To be sure, a man’s gallantry to the opposite sex is natural and God-given.
The friendship between two men with each other is different in quality and temper from the feeling which unspoiled nature expects as between men and women. There is a special kind of love and tenderness between them and as a woman is the weaker sex, that tenderness may, from a certain aspect – be likened to mercy – the protecting kindness that the strong should give to the weak. The husband is expected to cater to the sexual needs of the wife and vice-versa. In other words, you suck each other dry! In a loving relationship, Islam expects couples to grow together – not grow apart. A man with a hyperactive libido can always find solace in a loving and caring wife.
The Mother That Bore Us Must Always Have Our Reverence
In The Holy Qur’an, God calls mankind to remember their duties to Him and to conduct their love affairs in a just and respectful manner:
O mankind! Be conscious
Of your guardian Lord,
Who created you from
A single person, created
Out of it, his mate, and
From them twain scattered
(Like seeds), countless men
And women…and be heedful
Of the wombs that (bore you)…(Qur’an, 4:1)
The mystery of sex is again stated here by God. The impenitent male is apt, in the pride of his physical strength, to forget the all-important role the female plays in his very existence and in all our social relationships that arise in our collective human lives.The wife, through whom we enter parentage, must have our reverence. Sex which governs so much of our physical lives, and has so much influence on our emotional and higher nature deserves not our fear or our contempt, our amused indulgence, but our reverence in the highest sense of the term. If marriage is therefore not important then tell me what is.
Islam As Well As Christianity Cammands Sex Purity For Both Men And Women
The Greek word porneia refers to any kind of sexual relation outside of heterosexual marriage. This includes sex before marriage, adultery, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, or bestiality. Paul is not calling us to moderation of our sexual impulses, but to total abstinence outside of the marriage bond. Referring to what he wrote in (Eph. 5:3-5).
In Islam too commands sex purity for men and for women at all time – before marriage, during marriage, and after the dissolution of marriage. Those guilty of illicit practices are to be encouraged to give them up, so that they become accepted into the marriage circle of chaste men and women. And with this, there is a clear and an ambiguous line drawn love and sex.
In a telephone interview conducted by EDKA Associates few years ago, and carried by the Rocky Mountain News-USA, two out of three women would want to be virgins if they were getting married today, and half believe neither men nor women should have any sexual experience before wedlock. Researchers also found that 53 percent of the 500 women questioned said they believe that having sex for the first time with your future spouse, is just as chaste as waiting for your wedding day. Another 42 percent disagreed.
We discern from the foregoing that falling in love with someone you think you love doesn’t automatically mean having the carte blanche to indulge in sexual escapades with them. As far as love, sex and marriage are concerned, some regrets we often have to deal with is saying “Yes” too soon to [ love and sex], and saying “No” too late to [marriage], after we become burdened with the reality of absent fathers and child support payments!
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