What Is Marriage In Islam – Is It Necessary?

There is a general feeling of malaise today in our world, uneasy as it is with the prevalence of ever-rising divorce rates, sexual infidelity (even at Presidential levels), and a concomitant sexually transmitted disease – HIV/AIDS. The iconoclastic attitude toward the institution of marriage is widespread among today’s youth – an indication that the word “love” has lost its significance and flavor. Although we all understand that its not every woman or man’s intention to get married or have a baby, the first most important thing for us to do, is to take a quick look at the saying of the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him),

“We have not seen anything better for lovers other than marriage”

In other words, every romantic relationship is considered to be deficient if its not crowned with marriage – every love is considered fake if not authenticated by marriage.

Take Away My Certificate And Give Me A Husband – A Woman Doctor Cries Out

This is a woman doctor who cries out saying:

“Take away my certificate and give me a husband.” Let us read what the poor doctor writes in her own words: ” Every morning at 7am, I shed tears behind the chauffeur who drives me in my car to the medical clinic ‘prison cell’ or ‘grave’. She went on saying: ” Every time I reached my destination, I found women and children waiting for me. They looked at me with admiration and regarded my white coat as if it were luxurious clothes made of Persian silk. Yet, it was in my view the ‘mourner’s clothes’. And every time I reached my clinic, I fixed the stethoscope as if it were a hangman’s rope tied around my neck.”

She continues, ” Now I’m in my thirties and I’m very pessimistic about the future.” Then she cries out: “Take away my certificate, my coat and my money and let me hear the word MUM.” Then she writes a few lines describing her inner feelings: “People would call me a doctor, but what benefit do I get from hearing it. So tell those who consider me as a good example that, now I’m to be pitied. All I want and hope for is to have my own child to hug and caress. But can I buy it with all my money?” At this point, one might still be asking, Is marriage necessary? Even If it is, then What is marriage in Islam?

The Natural Right To Enjoy The World’s Beauty

This writer has the firm belief that, everyone, no matter their circumstances, has the natural right to enjoy the world’s beauty and joie de vivre. In the Muslim Holy Book, The Qur’an, we are reminded of this joie de vivre:

“And among His signs is this,

That He has created for you

Mates from among yourselves,

That ye may dwell in tranquility

With them, and He has put love

And mercy between your (hearts)

Verily in that are signs for those

Who reflect.(Qur’an, 30:21).

The Qur’anic verse refers to the wonderful mystery of sex. Children arise out of the union of the sexes. And its always the female that brings forth the off-spring – whether a boy or a girl. And the father is as responsible as the mother for bringing forth daughters. Unregenerate man is pugnacious in the male sex. But rest and tranquility are found in the normal relations of both parents living together and raising a family. To be sure, a man’s gallantry to the opposite sex is natural and God-given.

The friendship between two men with each other is different in quality and temper from the feeling which unspoiled nature expects as between men and women. There is a special kind of love and tenderness between them and as a woman is the weaker sex, that tenderness may, from a certain aspect – be likened to mercy – the protecting kindness that the strong should give to the weak. The husband is expected to cater to the sexual needs of the wife and vice-versa. In other words, you suck each other dry! In a loving relationship, Islam expects couples to grow together – not grow apart. A man with a hyperactive libido can always find solace in a loving and caring wife.

The Mother That Bore Us Must Always Have Our Reverence

In The Holy Qur’an, God calls mankind to remember their duties to Him and to conduct their love affairs in a just and respectful manner:

O mankind! Be conscious

Of your guardian Lord,

Who created you from

A single person, created

Out of it, his mate, and

From them twain scattered

(Like seeds), countless men

And women…and be heedful

Of the wombs that (bore you)…(Qur’an, 4:1)

The mystery of sex is again stated here by God. The impenitent male is apt, in the pride of his physical strength, to forget the all-important role the female plays in his very existence and in all our social relationships that arise in our collective human lives.The wife, through whom we enter parentage, must have our reverence. Sex which governs so much of our physical lives, and has so much influence on our emotional and higher nature deserves not our fear or our contempt, our amused indulgence, but our reverence in the highest sense of the term. If marriage is therefore not important then tell me what is.

Islam As Well As Christianity Cammands Sex Purity For Both Men And Women

The Greek word porneia refers to any kind of sexual relation outside of heterosexual marriage. This includes sex before marriage, adultery, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, or bestiality. Paul is not calling us to moderation of our sexual impulses, but to total abstinence outside of the marriage bond. Referring to what he wrote in (Eph. 5:3-5).

In Islam too commands sex purity for men and for women at all time – before marriage, during marriage, and after the dissolution of marriage. Those guilty of illicit practices are to be encouraged to give them up, so that they become accepted into the marriage circle of chaste men and women. And with this, there is a clear and an ambiguous line drawn love and sex.

In a telephone interview conducted by EDKA Associates few years ago, and carried by the Rocky Mountain News-USA, two out of three women would want to be virgins if they were getting married today, and half believe neither men nor women should have any sexual experience before wedlock. Researchers also found that 53 percent of the 500 women questioned said they believe that having sex for the first time with your future spouse, is just as chaste as waiting for your wedding day. Another 42 percent disagreed.


We discern from the foregoing that falling in love with someone you think you love doesn’t automatically mean having the carte blanche to indulge in sexual escapades with them. As far as love, sex and marriage are concerned, some regrets we often have to deal with is saying “Yes” too soon to [ love and sex], and saying “No” too late to [marriage], after we become burdened with the reality of absent fathers and child support payments!

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Free Love And Relationship Advice – Avoiding The Traps

There should be a safe passage through which lovers should take during their journey of love. This passage should’t be serpentine, this should be aimed at preventing lovers from falling into pitfalls during their journey toward marriage. Therefore, its imperative that once the aura of love begins to make rounds between two people belonging to the opposite sex, there should be a need to effect a marriage contract – if they truly love each other and their goal is matrimony.

There shouldn’t be the need to waste too much time and indulge oneself in reexamining the relationship over and over. The reason is that, at this moment, its worthwhile to let the heart take charge and not the head. One might say: ” I do not know this man very well, and he doesn’t also know me very well too. I do intend to get more acquainted with his habit or his lifestyle. I wish to befriend him for a while!” A young man in love might also delay marriage for the same reason.

Some Risks Involved Is The likelihood Of One Partner Attempting Or Actually Committing Suicide

What if, after being together for a long time, one partner decides that the other partner is no longer suitable for this journey and decides to abandon him or her there and then? Now would you chose to abandon your partner mid-way after they have already made up their mind to be with you forever and hope to realize their dreams by your side? Would anyone accept such a treatment for their sister or brother? In today’s Information Age, how many engaged couples have abandon each other half-way through the journey of love for one reason or another?

This phenomenon has resulted in many men and women committing suicide or attempting to do so. In my free love and relationship advice, I would like to allude to this true story in order to buttress my point. Few years back, a Taiwanese woman attempted to commit suicide on two occasions – in an attempt to get her boyfriend marry her. ” I won’t feel secure unless I get married.” She was heard saying. Firefighters and police had to bring her boyfriend to the scene along with an empty marriage certificate. The woman then asked the police to be witnesses for the makeshift wedding.

The officers then had to say “YES” to prevent a tragedy. She could have fallen to her death from a high rise apartment building. Those who do not commit suicide suffer from depression, some become demented, indeed, others are often confounded and are at a lost as to how to fall out of love! To some people, falling in love is much easier than falling out of love. These have been some of the problems associated with unfulfilled romantic relationships. To be sure, nowadays its often an uphill battle to maintain a true and loving relationship in such a hostile and ungodly environment as we find ourselves.

There are now a lot of (internet) chat rooms that have created a new generation of “e-lovers” The result has been that most lovers are no longer secure. Now ask yourself, are you one of those “e-lovers?” To be sure, some “e-lovers” end up being perfect life partners!

Raise The Bar Higher – Do Not Subscribe To The Falling Standards Of Love And Relationships

In this Age, young men often hanker after beautiful women – forgetting that beauty is only skin deep. Young women also hanker after wealth. The type of true love that is supposed to lead true lovers toward matrimony has fallen in standards. It has indeed reached its lowest level whereby a lover is only interested in hankering after materialism and carnal desires. In this Age, some fake lovers are now putting on a veneer of piety and respectability in order to hypnotize others in search of true love. Their masquerading as true lovers is soon exposed once they achieve their goals – leaving the other partner in limbo.

In his letter to an advice column, one American man wrote: “…I’m at the end of my tether and not sure what to do. Basically, my question is, what exactly is it that women in my generation are looking for? I’m a 23 year-old law student and political activist who also loves ballroom, dancing and classical music. Everyone tells me I’m a great listener, and I put other people first. After all this, not only have I had a date in years, but also women don’t even give me a look. When I asked my women friends, they tell me that any woman would be lucky to have me…but no one is interested. Any idea of what I may be missing to make my generation swoon?” He then signed off as – Lovesick Legal Eagle. The answers given to this “LLE” were even more interesting.

The answer to the young man – Mr. “LLE” was : ” Different women look for different things, my friend, among them kindness, humor, looks, money, smarts, status, cars, big sex drive, no sex drive, large family, no family, lovely friends, good taste, a yacht, ability to listen, the gift of gab, multiple degrees, ambition… I will spare you the laundry list. What women find appealing is determined by needs, neurosis and background….” It’s therefore safe to conclude that people now use logic – not their hearts in choosing a partner. Yet the divorce rate world-wide is on the rise. It means that if lovers become incapable of “spicing up” their love lives with glutathione, divorce then takes center stage. If, in the first place, your relationships was built on a sand dune of true love – then no amount of rain water can flow over it. It will soak any volume of water that comes its way! Now ask your self: Is your current relationship built upon a sand dune of true love?

Be Leery Of Possible Landmines On The Road Of Love

These days, its not only finances that discourage people from getting married or for some reasons – break up some marriages, but also the daunting logistics of life : The desire to have one’s own home, a stable job, a luxurious automobile, and (in some societies), the Darwinian educational system. These are some “landmines” that could threaten lovers down the road to matrimony. Yet still, there are those who said “yes” to sex too soon and “yes” to marriage too late!. Least did they realize that their partners wanted them only as “usable and expendable” commodities.

Nightmares and tears persist for some people who were unable to find true love. Their gullibility prevented them from being able to separate cheese and chalk; consequently, their regrets now hang heavily on their backs. Their present loveless lives; and indeed, their resolve to find true and enduring love – offers only fleeting consolations

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True Love And Relationship Advice

During my sojourn in one African country, one of my friends there told me how he sometimes hear some women complain about their love lives. They were often quoted as saying: “These days, if you don’t have a ‘spare driver’ your husband wouldn’t respect you.” As inquisitive as I have always been, I asked my friend what the expression “spare driver” meant. To my utter dismay, he said it meant keeping another lover beside your husband. Add to this the following expression: “One man’s wife could be another man’s lover”.

As we all know, a spare driver isn’t the actual driver – he is like the co-pilot who takes over the control of the aircraft in case the pilot becomes incapacitated. So to speak, the “spare driver’s” services will only be needed if the main driver (the husband), becomes incapacitated. The worst aspect of this triangular relationship is that, the main driver is never aware he even has an assistant. To be sure, no wo(man) would like to share their partners with anyone else unless, of course, there is something wrong in their relationship.

With A Dignified And True Love Comes The Fusion Of The Hearts And Souls Of The Both Of You

Does a wo(man) truly loves if either of them opt for a “spare driver?” Turning to whoever is in the “spare driver’s” seat. Is your love for a married wo(man) built upon sincerity, purity and affection? Or that it’s only built on satisfying your sexual instincts through an illegal way? What would be your fate if you get caught by your “boss?” To the married wo(man) seriously looking to recruit a “spare driver”, if your love for your partner is going to be shared by a “spare driver” then why would you get married to this partner of yours in the first place?

From the viewpoint of true love and relationship advice, either of you might be rattling the wrong cage of true love. Your love for your partner isn’t based on that true love whose foundation is affection, compassion, tenderness and humility. Because it’s only out of the existence of a dignified and true love that the bricks of a matrimonial home will remain solid. Because with a dignified and true love comes the fusion of the hearts and souls of the both of you. Thereafter, you begin to act like one individual. Then of course, the rainbow of love engulfs you – cultivating in you the acceptance, with a proud equanimity, the misfortunes of life. In a true love situation, you and your partner are meant to be together through thick and thin.

True Lovers Are Supposed To Be Best Friends Who Enjoy Being With Each Other Than Being With Someone Else

Yes. This is so because they have the same goals. Devote time to share their most intimate thoughts. And if one has a passionate pastime, the other learns to like it too. This doesn’t mean that true lovers can’t possess different personality traits – like watching night baseball vs.making love all night! Rather, true lovers should try to know each other very well. So that, they internalize the other’s thoughts and values.

If you don’t think a bit like your partner, you will never understand each other. Love, after all, is compassion and humility. In the case of anyone of you thinking of hiring a “spare driver”, if you had accepted and internalized your partner, there would have been very little that could tear the both of you apart. It could be that your partner/spouse is a philanderer and you want to retaliate. It could also be that your spouse is incapable of “heating up” the marital bed. But because of the fundamental unshakable bond you vowed to uphold together, you should have sat down with your partner to discuss how best both of you could light up your love life!

Who Gets What, When And How In A Romantic Relationship?

In his essay, The Behavior Of Married Couples, Charles Lamb (1775-1834), the prominent English literally critic wrote: “Nothing is to me more distasteful than the entire complacency and satisfaction which beam in the countenances of a newly-married couple.” truly, this complacency and satisfaction by newlyweds could soon change into diffidence and frustration if the foundation of this marriage is deficient of true love.

There are sufficient reasons for everyone involved in a romantic relationship to be circumspect. and avoid complacency. The challenge always seems to be : Who gets what, when and how in this relationship? The what, how and when questions. If considered carefully by true lovers, would definitely create the good times for them. Not only that, it would also keep these good times rolling for years on end.

In a romantic relationship who gets the sex, the care, the respect, the warmness and the consideration? How do they want to get them? When do they want to get them? In such a relationship, both partners do have specific needs at specific times – and in a particular manner. In a romantic relationship partners are expected to be tactful – to know how to act in any given situation. All in all, savoire-faire is an exceedingly important asset of a man or woman in love. Sometimes, even the most successful marriage could be wrecked due to a lack of savoir faire.

No Matter Who We Fall In Love With, We All Face The Dilemmas Of Love

In the light of true love and relationship advice, do we all need to question love throughout life? The answer is an emphatic Yes! That will be the case if we fail to understand the what, when and how in any given relationship. ” Does my husband really loves me? Won’t he abandon me in the course of time for a much younger wife? These days, he always returns late from work…, and when I attempt to ask him why, he yells at me. Is he having an affair? One housewife lamented.

” Is my boyfriend serious about marriage? Why is it that, anytime I bring up the subject of marriage he tries to change the topic, yet; every morning, he tells me he feels like a robin that has just caught the first worm of spring. And that he loves me more than the previous day….yet; he only takes interest in ‘sliding between the sheets with me’, he is hesitant to slip a ring on my finger. He says he loves me more and not less; what sort of love is this?” Another woman complained bitterly.

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The Art Of Love And Sex – From An Islamic Viewpoint

In Islam – the world’s fastest growing religion, and the second largest after Christianity, making love to one’s lover (wife), is considered an act of worship and therefore rewarded by God. Indeed, the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (peace be upon him), in his attempt to teach his followers, and to regulate the art of love and sex, said, “…and in the sexual act of each of you, there is charity.” His companions said: ” O Messenger of God, when one of us fulfills his sexual desire will he have some reward from that?” (Related by Muslim). This was aimed to protect partners in a romantic relationship.

The Prophet said: ” Do you [not] think that were he to act upon it unlawfully he will be sinning?” Likewise, if he had acted upon it lawfully, he would have reward.” What this means is that sexual acts are rewarded if done lawfully. And are sinful if done unlawfully. And The Bible says: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2.

The dictionary definition of “fornication” is, “any unlawful sexual intercourse including adultery.” In the Bible, the Greek definition of the word “fornication” is to commit an illicit sexual intercourse. One may ask: “What constitutes unlawful sex?” And by whose laws do we have to live by?” Man-made standards or laws many times do not always go hand in hand with the Word of God.

Indeed, the founding fathers of the United States of America established many laws that were originally based on Christian standards and the laws of the Bible. However, with the passage of time, the United States has drifted far from these standards and at the present the prevailing moral standards are shocking the world. To be sure, immorality is not only found in the U.S. alone, but has become a world-wide phenomenon. This has been the sorry state of the “civilized” man who has misplaced the true meaning of love. Our freewheeling “macho” attitudes towards sex will only push us toward extinction.

There Is Nothing Better For Lovers Other Than Marriage

The Prophet of Islam. Muhammad ((p.b.u.h.)), indicated – albeit in few words – the relationship between love and sex by saying: ” We have not seen anything better for lovers other than marriage.” (Related by Ibn Majah). This means that, no love is actually true love if falls short of marriage. In other words, at the top of the “Love Mountain”, one finds nothing other than marriage. But how high is the “Love Mountain” or how far should one climb the “Love Mountain” before discovering marriage at the top? It all depends on the intensity of that relationship.

In his attempt to further teach his followers – the Muslims – the art of love and sex, the Prophet also indicated that: “…none of you should spring upon his lover (wife), in such a manner as the donkey does…”. Rather, it’s required of him to first of all engage her in amorous dalliance and laughter, so that the feelings of love and affection remains between them.” Thus, in a romantic relationship, that inevitably leads to sexual intercourse, the Prophet advises his followers to pay a particular attention to the other partner’s feelings and yearnings through the medium of love.

A Sexual Instinct That Is Satisfied In The Manner Described Above Becomes Encompassing

The Prophet of Islam, is inferring that, his followers are not supposed to be greedy lovers. – who are only interested in themselves – prior to – and after a sexual encounter with their partners. A sexual instinct that is satisfied in the manner described above by the Prophet of Islam becomes encompassing if there exists the continuation of a cordial relationship between husband and wife – that kind of conjugal relationship that has been built upon the purity of purpose, mutual affection and true love. Certainly, a complete union between two bodies and two souls becomes inseparable.

You belong to her, and she belongs to you. In such a union, there is no room for one party to resort to double-dealing or trickery. Sex is not a thing to be ashamed of, or treated lightly, or to be indulged in excess. Therefore, there is an advice for people who aspire to master the art of love and sex in the Holy Book of The Muslims:

Your wives are

As a tilth unto you

So approach your tilth

When or how ye will;

But do some good act

For your souls beforehand;

And fear Allah

And know that ye are

To meet Him (in the Hereafter),

And give these good tidings

To those who believe. (Qur’an, 2:223).

In Sex, Morality, Manner, Time and Place Are All Important

Looking at the instructions from the Muslim Holy Book above, we realize that, the most delicate matters, are hereby referred to in the most discreet and yet helpful terms. How can we master the art of love and sex without paying particular attention to the morality, manner, time and place of our sexual engagements? In this manner, the highest social standards are set by our own refined instincts of mutual consideration.

Sex is a solemn a fact as anything in life. It’s compared to a husbandman’s tilth; it’s a serious affair to him; he sows the seeds in order to reap the harvest. Therefore, he chooses his own time and mode of cultivation. He does not sow out of season. Due to mutual love, a loving husband does not cultivate his tilth in such a manner as to injure or exhaust the soil (his loving wife). He is wise and considerate during any sexual encounter and does not run riot.

Coming from the simile of human beings, every kind of mutual consideration is required. But above all, we must remember that even in those matters, there exists a spiritual aspect. We must never forget our souls, and that we are responsible to God.

Knowledge Of Vice And Virtue Is Not Merely Based On Intellect

In accordance with the teachings of the world’s fastest growing religion – Islam, our knowledge of vice and virtue is not merely based on intellect, desire, intuition or experienced derived through the sense organs; which constantly undergo shifts; modifications and alterations; and do not provide definite, categorical and unchanging standards of morality. In order to help us master the art of love and sex, Islam provides us with a definite source – the Devine Revelation, as embodied in the Muslim Holy Book – The Qur’an, the Sunnah (the way of life of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him).

These sources prescribe a standard or moral conduct that is permanent and universal and holds good in every age and under all circumstances.

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Love God Your Lord With All Your Being.

There is a reason why we should love God our Lord with all our hearts, mind and soul. For people who believe in the existence of God, we all seemingly agree on one thing: God is love. And the love of God is a biblical truth (1 John 4:8). But why are we so eager to embrace this attribute of God at the expense of His others? So many of us talk about the love of God. But undoubtedly, we are total strangers to the God of love. In order to understand these, our thoughts need to be formed and regulated by what has been revealed in the Holy Books.

In the light of the ignorance which so generally prevails, and also from the low state of spirituality which is now so sadly evident everywhere among professing Christians and indeed, Muslims. How little real love there is for God! One main culprit for this state of affair is because our hearts are so preoccupied with His wondrous love for His creation. The better we are acquainted with His love—its character, fullness, blessedness—the more our hearts will be drawn out in love to Him

The Love Of God Takes Precedence

From an Islamic perspective, love is a divine gift that God has implanted between His creatures, so that, with it, they will seek his pleasure and hope for his mercy and forgiveness. It’s therefore, imperative that all lovers who believe in God conduct their romantic relationships in accordance with what has been ordained by God – not as they wish. The fact that God is the fountain-head of all love, our Sustainer and Nourisher, our relationship and love for Him, should take precedence over our relationship with, and love for one another.

But how do we love God? According to Islam, God demands that man should worship Him alone, not associate anything with Him, and obey Him by following the guidance he has received from him through His prophets. To be sure, the love of God is widely accepted, even if wrongly understood. As a result, people believe in a “God of love,” who operates according to their individual understanding of what love really means to them. Those people will be shocked to find themselves spending eternity in hell if they believe “a loving God would not condemn anyone to hell.” But the error of understanding this reality is not just among disbelievers, for many Muslims and Christians also have a very distorted concept of God’s love.

It may be pointed out at this juncture that by nature, man is a follower and worshiper. If he is not devoted to his Lord God with all his heart, mind and soul, he will devote himself to others – Hollywood stars, musicians, deities, saints, thinkers, philosophers or even national heroes like, George Washington – first President of the United States of America; Sir Winston Churchill – British war-time Prime Minister; Nikolai Lenin – leader of The Bolshevik Revolution in Russia, and father of the former Soviet Union; Dr. Sun-Yat-sen – father of Modern China; Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah of Ghana – the Champion of African Unity; or even Adolf Hitler – father of Nazism.

Islam And Christianity All Affirm The Love Of God

The entire law in the Old Testament can be summed up in terms of love. The demands of the Law, given to the people of faith, can be summed up as: love God, and love your neighbor.

“But when the Pharisees heard that He had put the Sadducees to silence, they gathered themselves together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” . And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:34-40).

“Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:8-10).

According to Islam, the love of God should be incumbent upon the love of His servant and messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him), Islam has therefore equated the love of the Prophet to the love of God. But how do Muslims love Muhammad if they have never met or even seen him? It’s by simply obeying his teachings and instructions. The Muslim Holy Book, the Qur’an says:

Say (Muhammad)

If you love Allah,

Follow me: Allah will love you

And forgive you your sins

For Allah is oft-forgiving

Most Merciful (Qur’an, 3:31) :

From an Islamic perspective, the love of God and His messenger Muhammad, must be the highest attainment people involved in a romantic relationship should strive for.

The Love Of God Does Not Occur In a Vacuum

The love of God emanates from His creation of the entire universe. In Psalm 136, we find the phrase (loving kindness”—NASB) of God repeated after each new line of the Psalm. The Psalm praises God for His loving kindness for two major undertakings in the past, the creation of the universe, and the deliverance of Israel from their Egyptian slavery. The prophets of the Old Testament emphasized the love of God during the dark days of Israel’s captivity (Isaiah 49:8-16; 63:7; Jeremiah 31:3; Hosea 11:1).

In the Muslim Holy Book, The Holy Qur’an, man is asked to take a keen observation and reflection of the creation around [and] above him:

Do they not look   

At the camels,

How they are made?

And at the sky, 

How it is raised?

And at the mountains, 

How they are fixed firm?

And the Earth,

How it is spread out? (Qur’an, 88: 17-21)

Therefore, the love of God is not blind love. It’s a divine love, and therefore, in case man neglects his love for God or refuses to affirm His existence, he is asked to contemplate four things – the camel, the sky, the mountains and the Earth. These, he can see in everyday life, and which are full of meaning, superb design and the goodness of God to man. We’ve got to have a reason to love God.

Taking A Closer Look At The Camel, The Sky, The Mountain And The Earth

The first mentioned is the domesticated animal – which for Arabs living in the desert is the camel. What a wonderful structure has this Ship of the Desert? He can store water in his stomach for days. He can live on dry and thorny desert scrubs. His limbs are adapted to his life. He can carry men and goods. His flesh can be eaten. The camel’s hair can be used in weaving. Above all, he is so gentle.

The second thing man is called attention to, is the noble blue vault – high above us – that contains the sun and the moon. The stars and the planets. And other heavenly bodies. This scene is full of beauty and magnificence; design and order; plainness and mystery. And yet we receive our light and warmth from the sun. And what would our physical lives be without these influences that come from such enormous distances? From everyday utility and affection in the camel, to the utility and grandeur in the heavens above us, we have two instances touching our individual as well as our social lives.

In the third instance, in the mountains, we come to the utility to humankind generally in the services the mountains perform in storing water, in moderating climate, in various other ways which is the business of Physical Geography to investigate and describe. The fourth and last instance given is the Earth as a whole – the habituation of mankind. The Earth is a globe, and yet, how marvelously it seems to be spread out before us in plains, valleys, hills, deserts, seas, etc! Can man, seeing all these, fail to see a plan and purpose in his life? Fail to love God with all his heart, mind and soul?

You are welcome to leave a question. Let me know what you think.






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An Anatomy Of Relationships And Marriage

There is no any human being on earth unless he/she has a heart that throbs and two eyes that see. The human heart doesn’t become devoid of the yearning to love someone (and to be loved back). Nor does the human heart become devoid of an atom of sympathy and mercy. However, it’s indeed the usage of such yearnings that matters. They could be directed towards corrupting the society or reforming it . There is no doubt that every young man or woman might have had a romantic relationship with the opposite sex – that might have resulted in marriage.

These relationships as we all know could have been real or imagined. There is no need to compile a dictionary of relationships between men and women, their successes and failures. What is intended here is a brief survey of the different stage of these relationships, the extent to which they can proceed, and how they can lead to a successful marriage. To this writer, every romantic relationship is considered to be deficient if it’s not crowned with marriage. In other words, every romantic love is considered to be fake unless authenticated by marriage.

Scaling The Difficult Mountain Of Love

At the top of the mountain of love, one finds marriage. So to speak, when Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing became the world’s first climbers to conquer Mountain Everest (the world’s highest peak), they became instant heroes. In a like manner, Lovers who have been able to conquer the difficult mountain of love, to this writer are also heroes in their own right. The love mountain could be a difficult one to climb. It could also be a very low one too – depending on the partners involved.

Other partners scaling this mountain could decide they don’t want to go all the way to the peak – where marriage is found. They could decide just to hang around the mountain edges having sex – thus delaying their ascent to the top for another day! This “day” could or never come. The most important thing to remember during a time when one is climbing this mountain is that it can be scaled at any “season” of one’s lifetime. It could be scaled in “Spring”, “Summer”, “Fall” or “Winter”


Explaining The Different Seasons Of One’s Lifetime

One may enter into any relationship that leads into marriage during any season of one’s life. Scaling this mountain during the ‘Spring’ season of one’s life could be a better choice for others. They should bear in mind that Spring is a colorful season, and the surroundings of the love mountain is colorful. To this writer, the ‘Spring’ of one’s life is between the ages of 18 and 33.

Yet still, others may decide that it would be better to start scaling the love mountain during the ‘Summer’ of their lives – bearing in mind that Summer is a green season and the sky is blue in Summer.

It’s hot in Summer too. Again, this writer identifies the ‘Summer’ of a person’s life to be between the ages of 34 and 49. Some people may be better prepared to scale this mountain at this time of their lives. Since they may still have all what it takes to get to the top. Then, that of ‘Fall’ will be between the ages of 50 and 65. As we all know, Fall is a yellow season, and all leaves are yellow during this time of the year.

Lovers planning to scale this mountain during this period of their lives might have already gone through their mid-life crisis. Their energy may have already begun to sag badly. Yet still, there could be  other folks thinking of scaling the mountain during the ‘Winter’ of their lives. They should be above age 65 at this time. We should all bear in mind that Winter is a white season; it’s freezing in Winter, and those planning to scale this mountain during this period might not possess enough energy to do so without some doses of Viagra (if they are men).

It doesn’t matter in which season of your life you happen to find love. Just bear in mind the type of season you are in, and make adequate provisions for your journey!

What Is The Best Season To Scale The Mountain Of Love?

There isn’t a clear cut answer to this question. What I know is that, relationships and marriage could happen at any time. However, the age of full strength falls between the ages of 18 and 30 or 32. Between the ages of 30 and 40, humans are said to be in their best adulthood. After 40, they begin to look after their growing children; perhaps their spiritual faculties also gain the upper hand after 40. When mid-life crisis begin to set in, they could be conveniently said to be creeping toward the ‘Fall’ of their lives. The cold season sets in with it’s freezing temperatures; a person at this age could be said to have passed age 65. However, in some parts of the world, especially in sub-Sahara Africa, where life expectancy at birth is below 55 years, how many men (and women) live long enough to scale the mountain of love during the winter of their lives? No matter what time in life one decides to go hiking on the love mountain, some preparations – psychologically, spiritually, physically and may be financially are necessary. This is so because, the hiking could be long, arduous and tortuous.

Some Relevant Advice Before Climbing This Mountain Love

In order that the climbing or hiking of the love mountain occur in a conducive ambiance, it’s imperative that prospective ‘hikers’ first of all meet with each other, and get to know each other better. So that, it does not happen that, after hiking halfway to the top, one partner begins to snap at the other’s ankles. At a time both partners are meeting each other, their body chemistry eventually causes them to fall in love with each other.

The man would see through the eyes of his future wife, that radiation of ethereal beauty, and the woman will also see through the eyes of her future husband – those sweet smiles of his that are genuine, rather than cloying. In some cultures, it is recommended that the first meeting between the ‘prospective hikers’ must not occur in a secluded place, or without a chaperon or a relative.

Finally, the best guide in climbing the love mountain should be God-consciousness and trust in Him. Because, with God-consciousness, ‘hikers’ would know the secure path to take to avoid unwanted outcomes. With their trust in God, they would be able to endure the hardships associated with scaling this treacherous mountain. They would continue to pray that God deliver them safely. They would definitely encounter all different ‘hikers’ on the way to the top.

And anytime time they stumble, and fall down; they would quickly get up; gather more momentum and keep up the fight; it would only be the potency of faith that would lead them to the summit – where the will find marriage.

If you have any questions, leave a comment below.





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Differences Between Infatuation And True Love – An Overview

In order to help us better understand the differences between infatuation and true love, I found out that the Holy Qur’an, The Holy Book of the Muslims, provided me with a better understanding of what love is all about. The Qur’an states about true love.

“… They are your garments. And ye are their garments…” Qur’an, 2:187.

I found this to be an eloquent description of true love. For the fabric used in making this “garment” is love. The threads used in sewing it is love; and finally, the embroidery on the garment is love. Men and women are each other’s garment. They are for mutual support; mutual comfort; mutual protection – fixing into each other as a garment fits the body.

Let’s bear in mind that the “garments” mentioned above are custom- made. They are made as the buyer specifies. In other words, you would not buy a garment you don’t love. On the other hand, you would not become a “garment” for someone you don’t love. From the viewpoint of romantic love, this is a clear indictment against those Muslims who would force their daughters to marry men they would otherwise be unwilling to marry.

In other words, there should never be a marriage that is devoid of mutual love. Much to my indignation, this practice is still very common in some Muslim communities in Africa, South Asia (and even in parts of the Middle East)

Being In Love Is Not Equal To Being infatuated With Someone

A person being completely infatuated with someone else could still be considered not to be a true lover. They have only been attracted to the opposite sex, and it could be that the one being admired is even not aware of it. It could also happen that there exists a mutual attraction. This form of attraction could cause in them a slight and burning sensation and a desire to get together. But it soon ends as either of them leaves the scene.

For love to be said to be a true one, it must be felt in the hearts of both parties. True love is all-inclusive and pervasive than mere infatuation. If you truly love someone, you love everything about them. Do not say ” I admire him or her”, because your admiration of someone could be dependent upon a particular characteristic or trait in the one being admired. You might say for instance: ” I admire her for her eloquence, I admire him for his round face or big eyes.”

Your admiration for this person could make tears drop down freely from your cheeks, and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you will not be said to have fallen headlong in love. And no matter the intensity of your admiration for the opposite sex, it does not reach the degree of true love. From the foregoing, one can discern clearly the differences between infatuation and love.

Anecdotal Evidence of Being Infatuated With Someone

Growing up as a high school student, some of our co-eds, in their admiration for some of us would say: “only your height; only your eyes; only your nose.” However, if any of us (the male students), were to ask them out, they would decline politely. Honestly we used to be captivated by their generous compliments – and for one reason or another thought wrongly that – some of them were literally in love with some us.

Therefore, there exists a great difference between someone who is (momentarily) filled with intense love for you and the one who truly loves you. True love is more pristine and more deep-rooted than infatuation. Love is more commendable because, infatuation could be pretentious, that might finally lead to flippancy. This is opposed to real love that does not disappear from the heart of the lover, but stays there – increasing in intensity – even if a meeting between the two has ended!

An Admirer Does Not Qualify As A True Lover

From the above clarification, and from the anecdotal evidence, an admirer does not qualify as a true lover. Being infatuated with someone cannot be equated to being in love. It maybe that either of the two is being involved in a hanky-panky relationship with the other. Either of the two “lovers” is often guilty of exaggerating his or her love for the other. This type of relationship cannot withstand the vicissitudes of life.

On the other hand, true love endures for ever. The marked difference between an admirer and a true lover is the longevity and intensity of the relationship. Relationships between “lovers” could be intense but short – indeed as short as a one night stand. It could also last longer, but would still lack the closeness and intensity associated with being true lovers. The luster of gold must not inveigle any true relationship down the road of betrayal.

It’s well important to have a spiritual peace as well as a material well-being. It would, therefore be nice, if lovers could maintain their relationships with morality and conscience.

Diana, The People’s Princess Was A True Lover

We now know that, Diana, The People’s Princess, was a true lover when she wrote: ” I never wanted a divorce and always dreamed of a happy marriage with loving support from Charles…a part of me will always love Charles.” This was at a time she was going through a painful divorce with Charles, The Prince of Wales. Charles, the heir to the throne, married 20 year-old Lady Diana Spencer at a pomp – laden service in St Paul’s Cathedral in 1981. But the marriage later foundered in part over Diana’s unhappiness with Charles’ continued relationship with his companion Camilla Parker Bowles.

Add to that a somber Princess Diana, telling of a lonely and desperate existence in her early married life to the Prince Of Wales. Diana later said : “My husband made me feel inadequate in every possible way.” She told her biographer Andrew Morton. ” Every time, I tried to come up for air, he pushed me down again.” Princess Diana also talks about her several suicide attempts. ” I threw myself down the stairs, bearing in mind I was carrying a child.” She said. Describing one incident. “Queen (Elizabeth) comes out, absolutely horrified, shaking, she’s so frightened…and Charles went out riding.”

Infatuation Exposed!

The Princess died at age 36 in a 1997 auto accident in Paris. In her case, she was unhappy because her marriage could be said to have been devoid of compassion and affection – the two off shoots of every true love. If true love is the “Tree”, the “Roots” that hold it firmly to ground are compassion and affection.

Diana’s statement captures all these when she says: “...and Charles went out riding.

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Some Love Quotes – A Critical Analysis

We often hear love quotes like. “Love is like a chicken soup, because chicken soup is heartwarming and nourishing just like love; Love can’t be defined, it can only be felt; Love is like a morning smile; Love is when there is no time; Love is like the long wait for eternity; Love is like a woman in one touch, etc,” It’s also essential to examine some famous love quotes. Love Is blind. 

This proverb first came into existence through the poetry narrated by Geoffrey Chaucer. He was considered the famous English playwright of his time – before the advent of William Shakespeare. Chaucer wrote The Canterbury Tales. Then after him came Shakespeare who said in one of his plays – Two Gentlemen of Verona.

” If you love her, you cannot see her. Why? Because love is blind.”

What is meant here usually refers to the inability of a lover to discern the shortcomings in the one he or she loves. In other words, lovers faintly discern each other’s shortcomings.


Love That Is Blind Is Love Without Reason Or Judgment

In his later book, The Merchants of Venice, Shakespeare re-adjusted this meaning in another play:

” But love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit.”

Therefore, when we say Love Is Blind, it means lovers are unwilling or unable to understand or notice the shortcomings in each other. In other words, love that is blind is love without reason or judgment – it just happens for no any other reason. Indeed, it’s love that’s not ruled by purpose. It’s thoughtless and reckless.

Let’s pause for a moment and ask ourselves. Is love really blind in the real world? Credit Robert Schuman, a French Statesman, said:

” When I was young, I vowed never to get married until I find an ideal woman, well, I found her. But unfortunately, she had been waiting for a perfect man.”

The heart of this honorable Statesman was at an “auction”, waiting for the highest “bidder”. After a long wait, he did find a woman who he wrongly thought was going to be the highest “bidder”. To his amazement, this ideal woman didn’t even realize his presence at the “auction”. Not even the “auctioneer” could draw the attention of this ideal woman to the Frenchman. What a pity!

In The Real World, Love Is Not Blind

Let’s pause for a moment and ask our selves again. Is love really blind in the real world? If so, then why is it that there is now a growing number of single women who would rather prefer to stay single and happy, than give their hearts to undeserving men, who will only cause them more pain and suffering? This writer thinks only a few people nowadays still believe in the notion of love being blind.

Ernest Hemingway, The American writer and Nobel Laureate in Literature once said: “Never worry about women; just try to be kind and good and think in their head and make them happy; if they are bitches, you can always dump them. Most women aren’t bitches except when they are made so by men”

The other famous love quote goes as: “Love me. love my dog.”


The meaning of this is that, if someone loves a person, he or she should also love all things dearest to him or her. And that a person in love should protect the valuable possession of his or her sweetheart – as well as look after the welfare of him or her. A Christian priest, St. Bernard reportedly said in the year 1153,

Que ma amat, amat et ma canem meum

This means that: “Anyone who loves me also loves my dog.” And in the year 1480, another famous saying about love went as follows:

He that lovytheme, lovythe my hound

A hound is a type of dog used for hunting – foxhound. A common saying in French West Africa about love goes as follows:

Pas la jalousie, pas la l’amour.

Meaning if there isn’t jealousy, there isn’t love – Love and jealousy are strange bedfellows, and that if a man loves a woman, he will always be restless if he sees her talking to a stranger, and vice versa.

A Pre-Islamic Poet’s Love Quote

In pre-Islamic Arabia – the period before the advent of Islam – which some Western writers consider to be “the Age of Ignorance or barbarism,” the woman’s position was indeed unenviable; and, although she participated in many a social and economic activity; and although, sometimes glowing tributes were paid to sweethearts in pre-Islamic poetry; generally, women were treated as chattels. There were no limits to a man taking as many wives as he likes.

Similarly, he divorced his wives at will and quite frequently. Despite the ill-treatment of women, this was what one pre-Islamic poet had to say about love:

“And I love her and she loves me. And her she-camel loves my camel.”

What this pre-Islamic Arab poet wanted to convey to us was that, the love between him and his sweetheart was so intense and pervasive that it caused their two camels – male and female, to also fall in love with each other.

This was in spite of the fact that he, (and other men like him), during that epoch could marry and divorce their sweethearts at will without the slightest compunction. This was the time when there was no rule of prohibition. So a man could, and did marry irrespective of blood relationship. Often two sisters were joined as wives to a man at the same time. Sons married their fathers’ ex-wives or widows (excluding their mothers).

The ‘Fire Of Love’ Between Ants Misused

A man in love might say to his sweetheart:

I love you more than the love ants have for one another”

This may be a hyperbole. Indeed, It might just be a meretricious expression with no real feelings behind it. It’s only recently that researchers have found that the “fire of love” between ants is several times hotter than the love between humans. It has been found out by scientist that, every act of interactions between ants springs from their lofty and very sincere love for one another. In effect, ants have a love for one another that can’t be replicated in any other creature on earth.

The ant, to outward appearance, is a very small and humble creature. In the great pomp and circumstances of being in love, she may be neglected or even trampled on by lovers who mean her no harm. Yet, by her sincere love and wisdom, she carries on her own life full of love within her own sphere (habitation) with unalloyed enthusiasm.


Indeed there are some love quotes that can’t be taken seriously because they are insincere. Action should, and must always speak louder than words. If you truly love someone, show it by your actions and stop messing around.

You are welcome to leave your comments below.





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