Love And Teenage Sex – Is Abstinence-Only Education Realistic?

Nowadays, many teens wonder if “abstinence-only” sex education is realistic. A high school student, in her attempt to connect love to teenage sex, counts on her fingers as she poses a question to a couple of high school classmates. “How many girls in our class were pregnant before our junior year?” The 18 year-old student asks. They came out with about 5 out of seventy-five girls. It’s an illustration, they say of teenage life in America.

During a time when sexually-transmitted diseases (STD) presented a serious challenge to young people, then U.S. President Bush suggested doubling federal funding for “abstinence-only” sex education. But teens saw that approach as unrealistic.” No matter what adults say, some kids are going to have sex anyway.” The high school students concluded. There was a time, when, in the U.S. state of Minnesota, health officials released an independent evaluation of an “abstinence-only” pilot program called Education Now And Babies Later – one of the first evaluation of any program of its kind.

The survey found that sexual activity has doubled among junior high school students who took part in it. Evaluators recommended broadening the program to include more information about contraception.

Waiting Until Marriage To have Sex or Just Until You Are Older?

“Abstinence-Only” proponents questioned the study’s validity and said that the program would have been more successful if it suggested teens waited until marriage to have sex – rather than just until they were older. “Waiting Until Marriage.” says a 16 year-old high school student, “I think it’s a good idea.” She had learned about sexually-transmitted diseases during a recent health class, and hearing that information helped reinforce her decision to wait for sex.” You realize how dangerous it can be, she said.

However, another 18 year-old rolls her eyes at the thought of waiting until marriage. “I’m not going to say ‘no’ if I’m dating someone for a long time.” She says. To her, having sex is a personal decision that should be made carefully and with direct simple information about reliable birth control. That information she says, would be more helpful to her and her peers than being told ‘just to say no’ – or as she did for one class, taking a “pretend baby” home and caring for it for a weekend to learn the responsibilities of parenthood.

One may be forced to ask: “Should teenagers go to bed with someone they don’t even love? And if they have to love before having sex, do they understand what love mean? It wasn’t really that hard, I even took my ‘baby’ to the movies, with a couple of friends,” the 18 year-old girl says. Noting that her parent’s own situation did much more to help her want to avoid pregnancy early in life. ” My Mom had four kids before age 25″, she says. “It wasn’t easy”. Her classmate and fellow senior says her parents have influenced her ideas about sex too – but in a different way,

Love, Sex And Morality

“I know my parents would be disappointed if I got pregnant before I was married.” A certain teenage said. ” I would feel terrible because my parents have such a high regard and respect for me. ” ” I would feel like I let them down.” She added thoughtfully. Reading between the lines, one realizes that the line between love and sex has become blurred as far as teenage sex is concerned. Should every love affair lead to sex?

From the foregoing, one also realizes that, the “world of sex” belongs to the man. It seems it has always been the man who is apt to demand for sex from his partner, and if she obliges, she might end up finding herself at the short end of the stick – and unwanted pregnancy- that might have to be aborted. To be sure, majority of Americans are ” Moral Absolutists”. However, that may be changing as teenage sex is no longer seen as a ‘crime’ against love. Sex should always be the inevitable consequence of true love – not fake love.

A 1970 Survey About Sex And Morality

In 1970, a survey of more than 300 adults entitled “Sex And Morality” was conducted in the US. At the time. It was the only survey of sex and morality in a representative sample of the US population before the spread of AIDS. The Kinsey Institute Sex Survey was aimed at helping researchers understand how AIDS was spread. “A majority disapproved of homosexuality, prostitution, extra marital sex,” the authors of the survey wrote. Furthermore, they said, “a majority of Americans are “moral absolutists” in that they see these behaviors as “always wrong.”

Extra marital sex was described as “always wrong” or “almost always wrong” by 87 percent of the respondents. Homosexual relations among people who don’t love each other were described the same way by 88 percent of the respondents. Even among individuals who loved each other, homosexual sex was disapproved by 79 percent of the respondents. Eighty-two percent disapproved of teen-age girls having premarital sex; 73 percent disapproved of teen-age boys having premarital sex.

Seventy percent disapproved of adult premarital sex by women, and 65 percent disapproved of adult premarital sex by men. Fewer respondents disapproved of sexual acts if the partners loved each other – leaving little doubt, therefore that, many respondents still cherished the ideal of love as a basis for sexual behavior- the authors said.

Is It still Okay To Have Sex If The Partners Love Each Other?

According to the Survey, and reading from the last sentence, only a few number of respondents thought it was still wrong to have sexual acts even if the partners loved each other. Therefore, majority thought it was alright to have sex if love was the basis for that behavior. In a romantic relationship who are the ones who tend to suffer the most if the love turns to be a fake one?

Sometime ago, a Church of England report said: : living in sin,” should no longer be regarded as sinful and the phrase should be dropped – given the number of people who now live together before marriage. “The phrase. ‘Living in sin’ stigmatizes and isn’t helpful,” said Bishop Alan Morgan, who chaired the first major study of the family by Britain’s state religion for 20 years.

There are those who also think that sex isn’t a crime. According to them, it’s the motivation of the universe. They say that no psychologically or physically normal adult or teenager can resist it. But we have to remember that morals, aferall, never change in time. What is right will always be right.

A 19 Year-Old Boy’s Idea About Sex

A 19 year-old college student once said: ” Boys like to brag about how many girls they have ‘engaged’ when chatting with one another. There is nothing wrong with having sex. The only thing is to make sure you wear a condom to avoid possible consequences. He added. Ah Yuan, the Chinese college student said he wouldn’t mind if his girlfriend had a one-night stand with someone else. But that he would not try it himself because he feels it’s ‘dirty.’

This tells us to what extent the connection between love and sex have been misconstrued in teen-age culture.

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Love And Sex Relationships – A Distortion Of Reality

To be sure, history has never witnessed the sort of love and sex relationships we are witnessing in the present era. True love has disappeared from the hearts of most people, and the meaning of this word, “love” has lost its significance and glory. It seems to this writer that, true love, may have been, to a certain extent, displaced by fake love. As a result, the word “love” has become adorned with beautiful colors of deception and tricks.

It seems that this word is now being employed to plunder, kidnap or rape others. A lot of people may have already been victimized by love! There are some who are silently eating the bitter fruits of fake love; they are indeed forced to swallow them; despite the fact that they are covered with “thorns”, Fake love is always devoid of honesty and purity. So now where has true love ’emigrated’ to? To the cemeteries! Perhaps.

Distortion of The Natural Bond Between Love And Sex

in order to demonstrate how the meaning of love has been distorted over a very long period, I would like to allude to certain incidents in the past. And, although some may appear offensive to the reader, for the purpose of illustration, it will still be worthwhile to mention them. As a high school student growing up, I had a friend who happened to be my senior. I will call him Joe (not his real name). Joe was a real womanizer who admitted to me that fornication was indeed in his blood, and for that reason he would not make any attempt to ever resist it.

Joe said in his quest to satisfy himself sexually, the looks of a woman/girl bothered him not. According to him, even if a woman/girl had very bad looks, he wouldn’t mind using a piece of cloth to cover her face during a sexual encounter – his main goal was to derive satisfaction – and that he wouldn’t allow a woman’s bad looks to be a deterrent. There may be several Joes lurking in dark corners all across the globe?

In this our modern world why should the relationship between love and sex so distorted? Has the true meaning of love disappeared from our classrooms?

The Office of Sex Administration – Another Blatant Distortion

There was another guy, I will call him Jonas (not his real name). He wasn’t different from Joe. He was equally lecherous like him. However, he had a different modus operandi. He once showed me a book he called “The Register”. This “register” contained the names of all his girlfriends across the country. It documented the number of times he had slept with each of them. If my memory serves me right, I counted about fifteen girls in that “register”.

As I browsed through it, I realized he had written 15 beside the name of a certain girl. “What does the number 15 mean?” I asked Jonas. He said that indicated he had slept with that girl 15 times. There were figures attached to all the names of those girls in his so-called register. What was so annoying to me was the fact that, he wrote these words boldly on the entrance leading to his bedroom – “The Office Of Sex Administration”. Jonas could not be easily persuaded to give up his sexual escapades. To him, there was only a very thin wall between love and sex.

After all, who complains of being a youth during which time the exhilaration of life is felt in the very bones?

Putting Rose Petals On The Bed – A Young Boy’s Idea About Sex

In her letter to an advice column, one American woman had this to say about her 13 year-old daughter: ” I am a 29 year-old single mother of a 13 year-old daughter. When people do the math, its clear that I myself was a teen at the time of her birth. Now that my daughter is a teen, I constantly worry about her having sex and getting pregnant. I have conversations with her periodically about safe sex and abstinence. And I know she doesn’t want to hear about it.

She continued: “But I still continue to stress the issue. She tells me she isn’t interested in sex and isn’t interested in boys right now. Up until recently. I had no reason to disbelieve her. However, one day, my daughter was talking on the phone and I just felt the need to pick up the phone and eavesdrop. She was talking to a boy.” The writer continued: ” I know this boy’s family, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. I was wrong.”

“He was talking about getting an apartment with her and going out to dinner and then coming home to their apartment and putting rose petals on the bed.

He was also asking her how many kids she would like to have. My daughter responded by telling him she didn’t know because she is still set on going to school to be a doctor after she graduates from college. After this, he tells her that she won’t have to worry about going to college, because he will go for the both of them. So she can stay at home and be a housewife.”

The writer continued: ” He then goes on about how his birthday is coming, and he would like her to have sex with him as a present. She then said she really doesn’t want to talk about sex. When I asked her later who was on the phone, she said it was her cousin. ” She signed off as a Worried Mom. 


Now, how many couples go out to dinner, return to their apartment, and scatter rose petals on their bed? This, undoubtedly is a young boy’s idea of sex. In his seduction spiel, the young boy goes as far as promising his lover that he would go to college for the both of them! One might be compelled to ask: “Is there a WALL or should there be a WALL between LOVE and SEX?

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Mastering The Art Of Love And Sex – A Closer Look

Although human relationships have been categorized into many types, relationships with the opposite sex have been the most common in all cultures under the sun. As far as romantic relationships are concerned, they are the same in the West and in the East. Let’s see romance as it is today.

Differences in romantic relationships however, would not fail to exist in terms of longevity, closeness and intensity. The words “love” and “sex” are used so freely these days that they may not necessarily indicate a dichotomy between an amorous relationship – whereby one partner is only considered as a “usable and expendable commodity”, and an intimate companionship – whereby the ultimate goal is matrimony. It all boils down to how we master  the art of love and sex.

Love and Sex – Conjoined Or Separate Twins?


Matters that touch on ” the area below the waste” as Japanese say, should better be left unsaid and so on. However, people obsessed by sexuality often complain that ” sex, is a perverse little devil” and that the minute you ignore it, it has a serious temper tantrum and tries every trick in the book to get your attention; unless of course, according to them, you suffer from a sex sickness – or that you are sick of sex.

In any case, sexual stirrings tend to have an inordinate influence over our lives – not necessarily in the expression of  the act itself, but in the yearning, scheming, talking about and even ruing it. Yet, despite all the attention, the forces that drive us usually remain among the most baffling aspects of our lives. Why, in the midst of a perfectly happy and satisfying relationship, do we sometimes get an incredibly strong urge to be unfaithful?

To be sure, many of our youth today are confused at telling between LOVE and SEX. In other words, they find it difficult to master the art of love and sex. To be sure, there are millions of men and women today who only have sex partners and not lovers. To them, “I love you” has acquired an ostensible meaning of ” I need you to satisfy my sexual cravings”.

The Distortion Of The Meaning Of Love

No matter who we fall in love with, we all face the dilemma of love. To be sure, most of us question love throughout life. “Does my husband really love me? These days, he always returns home late from work…and when I attempt to ask him why, he yells at me. Is he having an affair?” One housewife lamented.

“Is my boyfriend serious about marriage? Why is it that, anytime I bring about the subject of marriage he tries to change the topic. Yet, every morning, he tells me he feels like a robin that has just caught to first worm of spring, and that he loves me more that the previous day…., yet, he only takes interest in “sliding between the sheets with me”. Another woman complained bitterly.

In a recent survey, only a few number of respondents thought it was still wrong to have sexual acts even if the partners loved each other. Meaning that, majority thought it was alright to have sex if love was the basis for that behavior. In order to understand how love has changed in recent times, it is better to cast a quick glance at what love meant during past centuries.

The True Meaning Of Love

Love is a common word that is being uttered by every human being – sometimes without knowing its true significance. True love causes the heart to tremble, it makes the tongue incapable of expressing the true nature of the feelings that are deep-rooted in the innermost recesses of the heart. Love is a word that obtained the status of sweetness since the beginning of mankind. It is an expression of the feeling of tenderness and affection. It has no any other abode except inside the heart.

True love makes the limbs speak either verbally or physically. The Creator implanted love inside the hearts of humans and other animals since He created them. In order that it (love) helps them in facing the vicissitudes of life on Earth, and also help them face every difficulty. Romantic love could be categorized into two basic degrees of intensity true love and fake love. Without true romance, marriage is a lot like an old habit. True love is the most intense. And it springs forth from the innermost core of the heart. Fake love is of a lower intensity. It may only be ostentatious and may not have a place inside the heart. It’s the worst form of love.

We Often Say “Yes” To Love Too Soon And “No” To Sex Too Late

Some challenges we often face in any romantic relationship is saying “Yes” to love too soon and “No” to sex too late – after we have been hurt. In other words, we often find it difficult to master the art of love and sex. One is compelled to ask: “Is there any wall or should there be a wall between love and sex? And if there is any, how thick should that wall be? In this writer’s view, there is only a thin wall between love and sex – the CONDOM.

If we, as human beings are unable to answer such questions honestly, then how can we claim to be better than animals? Here and there, we find 13 year-old girls being asked to “dole out” sex as  birthday gifts to their boyfriends, and a group of girls not being able to differentiate between love and sex. This writer is among the very few in the world who believe that Love Education should replace Sex Education.

Whether one is an atheist, a Buddhist, a Christian, a Hindu, belongs to Islam; a Jew, believes in Shintoism; a Taoist; or a Zoroastrian, we all have the responsibility to re-discover the meaning of love, re-package it, and sell it skillfully to coming generations. There is a movement among the unmarried public called “the new celibacy,” that stresses companionship without sex. One gets the feeling that these movements will be short-lived especially if they are devoid of divine guidance.


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About Amin

You are welcome to this site. I do hope you will be able to get useful and valuable information on this site concerning love and relationships. You will be able to differentiate between true love and fake love, and also understand the correlation between love and sex.

A Little story About My Love Life

I currently live in the Xizhi District of New Taipei City in Taiwan. I have been a true love advocate for over two decades and, during my travels across Africa, The Middle East, Europe and Asia, I have come to know a variety of relationships from different cultural backgrounds.

Throughout my love life, I have always endeavored to understand the meaning of love. Why do we fall in love? Why do we fall out of love? How do we bridge the gap between love and sex?

The Rules Of The Game

The nature and quality of interactions between indicates the intensity of the existing love between them. Consider, for a moment, What Diana, The People’s Princess, had to say about the quality of her interactions with Charles – The Prince of Wales. ” I threw myself down the stairs, bearing in mind I was carrying a child, ” she said. Describing one incident (emphasis added).

“Queen (Elizabeth) comes out, absolutely horrified, shaking, she’s so frightened…and Charles went out riding (emphasis mine). The Princess died at age 36 in a 1997 auto accident in Paris with her companion, Dodi Al Fayed. We are all prisoners of love, indeed, we are sometimes being held hostage to loveless relationships we have not contributed.

Is Love Really Blind?

At different stages in our lives, we all have to face the real world of romance – that could be unfair and unkind. As the Chinese saying goes : “It is very easy to summon up a ghost, but not nearly as easy as giving it up.”

Falling in love these days is the hardest thing to do. You really cannot tel who would be the best diplomat in a romantic affair. The purpose of this site is to help wean out the chalk from the chaff in a romantic relationship.

If you ever need a hand or have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you out.

All the best,


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