What Is To Be Found In A Marriage Relationship?

In every marriage relationship, there are things that need to be present in order to make that relationship work. The lack of it brings the relationship to a standstill. An automobile doesn’t just suddenly stop on the highway for no any apparent reason. Some marriages surprisingly do not even need intercourse as a primary reason to make things work. Just kissing, touching and talking to each other could be the most important ingredient that holds some marriages intact. If couples lose interest in anything going on in the day to day lives of each other, that could also be recipe for disaster.

Some reasons why marriages do collapse are:

  • When couples become roommates instead of partners.
  • When sex becomes monotonous as a chore.
  • When couples stop caring about their appearances after the rings slip through the fingers and the reading on the scale start going up.
  • When couples start taking each other for granted. Even saying a “thank you” to each other after a great sex goes a long way!
  • When couples begin to care more about their individual bank accounts than they care for one another.
  • When couples stop being fun. They never want to go anywhere or do anything together as a couple. When a man misses dating his wife and vice versa. Like taking off to an island for a few days.
  • When the art of gift giving between couples becomes something of the past.
  • When couples no longer ask each other : “Honey how was your day today?”

Reasons Why Couples Cheat On Each Other

  • The sad reality is that even when married with children some men, and (even some women), still never lose the impulse and attraction to the opposite sex. At the gym, at the shopping malls, at the baseball games, at the pawn shops, at the PTA meetings, at the airports, and even in the aircraft, etc. Men just notice attractive women. And other women too, do the same! Note that some men and women honestly wish that they could make it go away and somehow turn off the switch for anyone but their partners. But some can’t just do that!
  • For some men (and women), they just continually have this impulse and then at some point make a bad choice to pursue it. You can make the impulse worse by flirting, viewing pornography, or starting unnecessary inter-personal relationships with the opposite sex. If you really love your spouse, remaining faithful to them, does require consistent choices of not making the impulse worse. For some men (and women), that indeed becomes a day to day battle.
  • Some Rules Of The Game For The Married Mind

  • Discipline yourself: Marriage can be a wonderful life altering experience if you maintain the discipline to be faithful to your spouse.
  • Your dealings with the opposite sex should always be friendly, warm, affectionate, but not overly so. As a married person, do always find a way to mention your wife and children – if you have to establish a new relationship with the opposite sex due to work or study. It may act as a deterrent to would-be “poachers”. Yes, it also sends a clear message to them that you aren’t available.
  • Do not comment on the appearance of the opposite sex other than your spouse. For instance, their weight gains and weight losses. Avoid offering any kind of commentary – no matter what – it just isn’t necessary – if that man or woman isn’t your spouse.
  • Look the best for your spouse. Every man or woman likes to see the love of their lives look their best. Consider it a daily challenge to not always stop caring about your appearance.
  • Do not ask others about their marital issues and don’t volunteer your own information about it.
  • Note that your love for your spouse should be that of true love. True love for your spouse should be all-inclusive than mere infatuation. If you truly love your spouse, you love everything about them.
  • Do not only “admire” your spouse but love them. Do not say: ” I admire him or her”, because your admiration for someone could be dependent upon a particular characteristic or trait in the one being admired. For instance, “I admire her for her eloquence; I admire her round face or big eyes.” Your admiration for this person could make tears fall down freely from your cheeks, and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you would not be said to have fallen head over heels in love with that person. No matter the intensity of your admiration for your spouse, it does not reach the degree of true love!

A Question To The Married Mind?

If you happen to get attracted to another man or woman outside your marriage, and you allow that impulse to inveigle you down the road of betrayal, will your love for the “other” man or woman be built upon sincerity, purity and affection or that, it will only be built upon satisfying your instincts through an illegal way? What would be your fate if you get caught by your spouse? If your love for your spouse is going to be shared by someone else outside the marital home, then why do you hope to raise a responsible family in such a matrimonial home that is shared between your spouse and another man or woman?

From a true lover’s point of view, you are rattling the wrong cage of love. In other words, your love for your spouse is not characteristic of true love that is based upon affection, compassion, tenderness, humility, and faithfulness. Because it’s only out of a dignified and true love that a matrimonial home must be built upon. With dignity and true love comes the fusion of the hearts and souls of the both of you. Thereafter, you begin to act like one individual. Then of course, the rainbow of love engulfs you – cultivating in you, the acceptance, with proud equanimity, the misfortunes of life. You and your spouse are meant to be together through thick and thin.

Feel free to leave your comments below.

What Is In Healthy Relationship – A Reappraisal

He was good company, and did not burden me with worries and problems. He walked through life with enviable insouciance. This writer eventually came to the conclusion that, trying to make him understand the meaning of true love was only a gamble. Indeed, it was as uncertain as “throwing your wallet into a crowded street and hoping your wife would catch it” Joe had lured a woman into a relationship shinning with a lot of small bright flashes of fake love! It was only after Joe left his partner for another woman did she realize she had lost the ultimate battle for his heart. So what exactly is in a healthy relationship? in a male-dominated world, and in a world of romantic relationships; dreams and deception are likely to continue to occupy the center stage for a long time to come.

Undoubtedly, there is no human being on earth unless they have a heart that throbs and two eyes that see. The human heart does not become devoid of an atom of sympathy and mercy. But it is the usage of those yearnings that determine our relationships with one another. These yearnings could be directed toward corrupting our relationships or reforming and making them healthy. There is no doubt that every young man or woman might have had a relationship with the opposite sex that could have been real or imagined.

The Story Of The Woodcutters’s Wife

For a relationship to be considered a healthy one, both parties must complement each other’s efforts – and be good at that. There is a story of a woman who wanted to complement her husband’s efforts in order to create a healthy relationship between her and her husband. She exhibited all the ingredients of a true lover who purposely work to create harmony in her marriage relationship. This was a story narrated by the Messenger of God, Muhammad (peace be upon him), to his companions. The Prophet said:

” I inquired from a certain woman whose husband was a woodcutter about how she treated her husband and she said: ‘ My husband is a woodsman – he cuts and gathers wood in the mountains; he then descends to sell them. He then uses his earnings to buy all that we need in our home. I always identify and empathize with his experience up in the mountains and share with him that sort of hardship he has to go through for the sake of our livelihood. I also do feel (within me) the severity of the thirst he has to endure up in the mountains and that almost scorched my throat too.'”

The woodcutter’s wife continues: “Due to this, I always prepared for him a good drinking water – so that anytime he comes back, he finds it readily available. Before he comes home, I tidy up the home – keeping everything in its rightful place. I then set the table. I then make sure I am gorgeously dressed – awaiting his return; as soon as he enters; I would welcome him in such a manner as a bride would do for a bridegroom with whom she was deeply in love. I would do this in a total submission of myself. Then when he needs rest, I would aid him unto it; and when he needs me, I would fall not his arms (allowing him play with me) in such a manner as a father would play with his little girl…”

This poor and hard-working woodcutter of a man had to endure the scorching sun of Arabia up in the mountains, to be able to fend for his family, his wife did her part in providing him with a relaxed and conducive ambiance – thus helping in creating a healthy relationship within the matrimonial home.

In A Healthy Relationship, The Man Is Also Required To Reciprocate

A man is required to reciprocate the love and caring and also the empathy given to him by his wife. There should be a win-win situation in every relationship for it to be considered to be a healthy one. To begin with, the man is required to provide his wife with adequate financial support. Let’s be honest: Money is not love, but money supports love.

A woman, whether single or married should be considered as an individual in her own right. She has the right to own and dispose of her property and earnings without any guardianship over her (whether that be her father, husband or anyone else). She has the right to buy and sell, give gifts and charity, and may spend her money as she pleases. These are some basic rights that anyone in a healthy relationship should uphold. The natural differences between the sexes entitles the weaker sex to some degree of maintenance and protection.

In a healthy relationship, a man’s role of leadership in relations to his family does not mean dictatorship over his wife. Indeed, it implies no superiority or advantage before the law. Islam tries to maintain a healthy relationship between married people as far as possible, especially if children are concerned. It will check hasty action as far as possible, and leave the door of reconciliation open at many stages – even after a divorce – a suggestion of reconciliation is made. In order that the existing love between couples is not trapped in inertia, and become unhealthy, there is always the need for lovers to develop unique gifts of cutting through complex issues affecting their relationship and forging consensus.

But how can lovers actually cut through complex issues affecting their relationship and forge a consensus if they hesitate to sit on the bargaining table to negotiate between themselves the nitty-gritty of their relationships – answering the questions of who gets what, when and how in a healthy relationship?


There are rules in every game and, if we consider every relationship as a game between two individuals wanting to create a win-win situation, then that will require some basic rules that must be adhered to by both partners. Some of these rules are:

  • Empathizing with each other
  • Sacrificing for each other
  • Being considerate and affectionate
  • Recognizing and according each other the rights they deserve.
  • Humility, patience and true love
  • Being playful

Having the cerebral knowledge on how to create a healthy relationship is not enough. Indeed, this must be accompanied by the willingness to implement these basic rules.

Feel free to leave your comments below.

What Is In A Marriage Relationship – A Bird’s Eye View

What is in a marriage relationship? In order to ponder over this question, one will have to first examine the differences between animals and plants in their capacity to think and resolve problems. Unlike the animals and plants, God had endowed human beings with a powerful mind that can be used proactively, imaginatively and responsibly. According to scientists, the human mind thinks at a rate of 1000 words per minute. It is therefore clear that God wants us to maximize our minds to be positive, resourceful, innovative and constructive so that we can help find solutions to many challenges in life. Obviously, we cannot rely on old solutions to solve marital problems.

We need to boldly delve for new methods to keep marriages intact. More than ever, this means liberating our thinking, daring to admit our mistakes and weaknesses within a marriage relationship, and above all, being forbearing and affectionate within the confines of the matrimonial home. So what are the basic elements of a marriage relationship? In other words, what does a marriage relationship consist of?

A Marriage Relationship Should Comprise Love And Loyalty

Have you ever asked yourself: How much do I love my partner? If the answer is yes – and of course I expect it to be so. Then the second question becomes even more important: How much loyalty do I accord my partner? In any marriage relationship, love happens naturally, but one has to work hard on loyalty. Loyalty doesn’t just occur simply because I love “her” or “him”. After all, how many spouses do love their partners dearly yet they still stray from the marital bed? Being loyal means being a true lover. In order to be loyal, you have to work on these core elements:

  • Truthfulness: Truthfulness is essential because it contributes to earning a good reputation vis-à-vis your spouse. Which goes a long way toward enhancing one spouse’s long-range credibility in the eyes of their partner.
  • Precision: Precision is the moral and intellectual accuracy needed to tide couples over until the good times arrive. The idea here is that, the moral and intellectual accuracy of a spouse enables them to know one thing that is absolutely true – that none of them is absolutely flawless. This allows the spouses to be forgiving and accepting the fact that none of them is perfect, and to a certain point, will continue to have flaws. However, the striving of each of them to improve is what every successful marriage relationship should consist of.
  • Calmness: Calmness, good temper and patience permit spouses to maintain an air of detachment in dealing with any marital issues.
  • Modesty: Modesty should be a central quality of every spouse – especially – if they want to resolve their differences amicably. All spouses should avoid vanity and should not be flattered, or worse, boast about their previous relationships with others and how better those relationships were.

True Love Should Replace Infatuation In A Marriage Relationship

Any marriage relationship should never be built on infatuation. A person completely infatuated with someone else could be considered to be a fake lover, because they have only been attracted to the opposite sex, and it could be that the one being admired is even not aware of it. It could also happen that there be a mutual attraction. And this mutual attraction could cause in them a slight and burning sensation and a desire to get together – which soon ends if any on them leaves the scene. For love to be said to be a true one, it must be felt in the hearts of both parties.

True love that occurs in a marriage relationship is all-inclusive and pervasive than infatuation. If you truly love someone, you love everything about him or her. Do not say: ” I married you because I admired your round and soft face, or your big eyes or your eloquence.” In this case, your marriage to this person is only dependent on a particular trait or characteristic in the one being admired. Your admiration for this person could make tears drop down freely from your cheeks, and make the rest of your day dreamy and relaxed; yet still, you will not be said to have fallen head over heels in love. No matter the intensity of your admiration, it does not reach the degree of true love.

Therefore, there exists a great difference between someone who, because they are (temporarily) filled with intense love for you exchanges marriage vows with you and someone, who truly loves you. True love is more pristine and more deep-rooted than infatuation. In a marriage relationship, true love is more commendable, infatuation could be pretentious that could finally lead to flippancy in addressing some concerns after marriage. On the other hand, true love does not disappear from the heart of the lover, buy stays there and increases in intensity even if a marriage between the two has ended. But how will a marriage whose foundation was built on true love – and not infatuation – even end in divorce?

Consider Your Partners As Your Garments In A Marriage Relationship

The Holy Qur’an says about two (married) lovers:

“…They are your garments

And ye are their garments…” (Qur’an, 2:187)

This remains an eloquent description of true love. The fabric used in making this garment is love; the threads used in sewing it is love; and finally, the embroidery on the garment is also designed with love. Men and women (in marriage) according to the Holy Qur’an, are each other’s garments. They are meant for mutual support; mutual comfort; mutual protection: fitting into each other as a garment fits the body. These garments are supposed to be made as the buyer specifies. In other words, you would not buy a garment you don’t love. You would not become a garment for someone you don’t love.


Relationships between married couples could be intense but short – indeed as short as a one night stand. It could also last longer, but could still lack the closeness and intensity associated with the type of marriage relationship that prides itself on true love.

You are welcome to leave your comments below.

What Is In A Love Relationship – Questions And Answers

To be sure, these days people have grown so busy that personal relationships have become impoverished. Friends are now harder to maintain and families are shrinking – not only because of rising divorce rates across the globe – but also due to the fact that people are now having fewer children. Sometimes, the elderly are not often cared for at home. Despite all these, one is apt to hear aphorisms like: “A friend in need is a friend indeed; tell me your friend and I will tell you his character; there is no better mirror than an old friend; you may find your best friend or your worst enemy in your self, etc.” These aphorisms may make you yawn, but they are sometimes the most effective way to characterize or sum up personal relationships.

Many people have now begun to question what is the best way to nurture long-term relationships. Below are some relevant questions about relationships – especially that between the opposite sexes.


How do you nurture a long-term relationship?


Being in a marital relationship is like being in an amazing institution where the couple truly love each other and are both prepared to work at it to keep it flourishing. I am not claiming to have a lot of thoughts and opinions that are unreasonably positive about long-term relationships, and that, I do not understand the challenges within marriages as they really are – It’s often easy to be starryeyed about a place you’ve never been to! But I will say this: marriage takes mutual commitment. Love, compassion and affection are what both partners need to dole out freely to each other when the going is tough and those feelings of infatuation fade away.

Inevitably, the cooling of intense romantic love often gives way to a period of disillusion, especially for those who regarded romantic love as the only essential component for both a marriage and it’s continuation. In the light of the fact that there is much more equality between both sexes than there was in previous generations, there is the need for couples to work harder together in order to maintain a healthy and long-term relationship. To be sure, women are now in the workplace in huge numbers and in many cases, out earn their husbands. They no longer gain their sense of self-worth and status through their husbands. They no longer feel an obligation to stay in a failed or unfulfilling marriage. All these mean that men have to work even harder to keep their marriages intact – if they don’t want to lose their spouses.

The many ways a man employ in order to maintain a long-term relationship include but not limited to:

  • Being courteous to his wife at all times.
  • Not despising or disgracing her in public.
  • Being faithful to her during her presence and absence from home.
  • Handing over complete authority to her in her marriage life.
  • Sometimes surprising her with gifts and adornments.

Since maintaining a long-term relationship doesn’t only have to be the sole prerogative of men, women also do have their part to play in order to keep the good times rolling on end.

These include, but not limited to the following:

  • Discharging her marital duties with grace and style.
  • Being hospitable to all her husbands’ relations .
  • Being faithful to her husband.
  • Guarding jealously her husband’s property and spends her husband’s wealth out of necessity and mutual consent.
  • Dressing gorgeously for her husband. The man also needs to do the same!


What does it mean when a man invites you home?


It means he may be interested in your friendship or building a relationship with you. A man who invites you to his home is actually a more sincere one than someone who wouldn’t like you to ever know where he lives – even if you request to go visit him at his home. His refusal to let you pay him a visit may be an indication of him hiding something from you. It may be that, he has a wife or flirting with multiple women that he wouldn’t want you to accidentally bump into during such visits

But you shouldn’t accept his invitation unless you are allowed to go to his home with at least one of your trusted friends. Never accept a man’s invitation to his home alone. Make sure you go with someone else. If he refuses and insists you come alone, then there should be something sinister.

After all, he can equally tell you “he loves you” even if you are together in a coffee shop or at the stadium watching a baseball game – and not only at his home.





Should I message a girl I haven’t talked to in months?


Why not? Reconciliation is always better. If you were in the wrong, you could call her up to apologize. So to speak, if she were in the wrong, you could still call her to tell her you have forgiven her. You lose nothing by calling her. You are only showing that you still love her and do also care about her



I am deeply in love with a married woman and wish to marry her. How do I convince my wife to break up with me nicely and quietly?


There is a story of a guy who met a married woman and in some few days decided he wanted her as his wife – her marriage to another man notwithstanding. Few days after meeting this woman, he unabashedly came home one day and requested a divorce from his wife in order to marry the other married woman. According to him, they had already decided to spend the rest of their lives together starting with that night – when they would both leave their spouses.

Prior to this time, his wife had been putting up with a bad behavior from him for almost a year. He would sneak out whenever she was pregnant and sick in bed. He would not also help ensure that his wife’s good health was maintained during her pregnancy. While this man was telling his wife about his new love, he said to his wife – when talking about her illness during pregnancy, “I didn’t sign up for that,” and I never really loved you.”

According to this narrator, the man then left soon after that. Later, the man’s wife got a phone call from her husband’s therapist saying he told her he made a mistake and wanted to come back to the marriage. His wife laughed and said, “His new girlfriend didn’t leave her husband, did she?” The therapist answered, “No, she didn’t.” His wife declined to accept him back and continued on with the divorce. According to this story, this man’s second wife (someone else) left him after three years in the same manner for another man. He was paid back in full!

In your case, why would you fall in love with someone else’s wife? What would happen if the other man finds out your secret relationship with his wife? If you never really loved your wife why didn’t you tell her or refuse to marry her? How would you feel if someone else does this to either your mother, your sister or your daughter? If you are really involved in a bad marriage and wants to get out of it that shouldn’t lead you to poaching other people’s wives.

Discuss with your wife honestly what you feel about your marriage life and suggest what should be done to make it work. If you still insist on leaving her, then do that in a much dignified manner. Your current affair with a married woman is reprehensible and I hope your wife finds out about your affair and dump you with the garbage before you do something silly.

Feel free to leave your comments below.





Love And Relationships – Questions And Answers

Although human relationship may be categorized into many types, relationships with the opposite sex have been the most common in all cultures under the sun. This relationship could be a platonic one; it could also be a romantic one – as short as a one night stand. It’s well-known that the romantic one could be the sweetest. As far as romantic relationships are concerned, they are the same in the East and in the West. Differences however, would not fail to exist with respect to their longevity, closeness and intensity.

Black man holding belly of his pregnant wife making heart. Pregnant woman and loving husband hugging tummy at home. Heart of hands by multiethnic couple on pregnant belly.

Below are some questions and answers that could go a long way toward helping the reader get a handle on relationships between the opposite sex.


I Feel My Ex Girlfriend Still Loves Me. I Can See All The Signs. Is It Possible That She Is Hiding Her Feelings?


To be gin with, what was your main reason for the breakup? Was it due to quarrels over money, lack of attention or for cheating? In any case, if you (in your own mind) think she is still in love with you why don’t you go forward and ask her about her feelings toward you? You can’t afford to make assumptions about love – you need to be smart about it. You need to be sure that’s actually the case.

On the other hand, if she’s actually hiding her feelings from you that wouldn’t help her either. She needs to come out of the “love closet” and proclaim her love to you openly and fearlessly. Love is not something to be ashamed of, or to be scared of expressing it to someone you love.

If you believe that “all the signs” of love are there (hidden) in your ex, and yet she is not coming forth, then you have to step forward and reclaim her heart before it’s way too late!

Yes! Women prefer men of substance, men who are bold enough to come forward, men who are daring, and above all men who are bold enough to always say to them : Darling I am sorry. It was all my fault! Love you more and not less.”

It could be that your intention toward her isn’t matrimonial. If your intention is matrimonial why don’t you go reclaim her – making her understand that, this time around you mean to be with her for the rest of your lives – not just a hanky-panky relationship.


Does Anyone Still Believe In Love Relationship And Marriages?


To be sure, I am a strong believer in love, relationship and marriage. Yes in that order of preference. If you love someone of the opposite sex, your longing for them increases, this leads to an automatic relationship, that is often authenticated by marriage. To this writer, every relationship is considered deficient if it does not crown with marriage.

Marriage is what we often find at the top of the proverbial Love Mountain. In the reverse order there can’t be a happy marriage without a loving and kind relationship between the partners involved; and that sort of substantial relationship will be possible if there exists true love between the couples.

There are many reasons for people to engage in relationships and possibly marriages:

  • Marriage for love, protection and security – whatever kind security is applicable here.
  • Marriage for sexual health and purity.
  • Marriage in order to raise a family.
  • Marriage for companionship.
  • There is no human being on earth unless they have an iota of love in their hearts. That love could be imagined or real. And with that love comes a desire, and that desire leads to relationship in which a lot of good things happen for both partners. All in all, these partners together work on creating the good times and keeping these good times rolling for years on end. You can never create the good times if your heart is devoid of true love.


What Are Those Five Qualities You Would Like Your Future Husband To Possess?

Qualities that one needs to see in his or her future spouse may differ profoundly from one person to another.

In his letter to an advice column, one American man wrote: “…I’m at the end of my tether and not sure what to do. Basically, my question is, what exactly is it that women in my generation are looking for? I’m a 23 year-old law student and political activist who also loves ballroom, dancing and classical music. Everyone tells me I’m a great listener, and I put other people first. After all this, not only have I had a date in years, but also women don’t even give me a look. When I asked my women friends, they tell me that any woman would be lucky to have me…but no one is interested. Any idea of what I may be missing to make my generation swoon?” He then signed off as – Lovesick Legal Eagle. The answers given to this “LLE” were even more interesting.

The answer to the young man – Mr. “LLE” was : ” Different women look for different things, my friend, among them kindness, humor, looks, money, smarts, status, cars, big sex drive, no sex drive, large family, no family, lovely friends, good taste, a yacht, ability to listen, the gift of gab, multiple degrees, ambition… I will spare you the laundry list. What women find appealing is determined by needs, neurosis and background….”

It’s therefore safe to conclude that people now use logic – not their hearts in choosing a partner. Despite this, the alarming divorce rate all over the world is causing lots of social upheavals. The ever-increasing divorce rate world-wide translates to the fact that lovers have now become incapable of spicing up their love lives, and therefore, has given divorce a free rein. If, in the first place, your relationships was built on a sand dune of true love – then no any amount of rain water can inundate it. It will soak any volume of water that comes its way! Now ask your self: Is your current relationship built upon a sand dune of true love?


Marriage Is Hard Work, But When Does It Become Too Much Work That It’s No Longer Worth It?


Marriage has become work (and even so much work) and no longer worth it because – in this Age, young men often hanker after beautiful women – forgetting that beauty is only skin deep. Young women also hanker after wealth. The type of true love that is supposed to lead lovers toward matrimony has fallen in standard It has indeed reached its lowest level whereby a lover is only interested in hankering after materialism and carnal desires. In this Age, some fake lovers are now putting on a veneer of piety and respectability in order to hypnotize others in search of true love. Their masquerading as true lovers is soon exposed once they achieve their goals – leaving the other partner in limbo.

They then go around claiming that marriage isn’t even worth it anymore. With true love the stress of marriage life will be overcome. And true love is like a flower that needs to be watered (and nurtured) every morning for it to flourish. But if we all take true love for a ride – hoping that it does the magic by itself, then our marriages will be moving in the wrong direction.

Growing old together in love and marriage

Even if marriages are arranged in Heaven as some people believe, I can confidently tell you that the maintenance work must be done right down here on earth!



Feel free to leave your comments below.

What Is The Meaning Of Love – The Islamic Conception

To begin with, The Qur’an, the Holy Book of the Muslims which was revealed to the unlettered Prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon him) hinted more than fourteen hundred years ago the intensity of love existing between ants. The twenty-seventh chapter of the Holy Qur’an, called Surah An- Naml (The chapter of The Ants), gives us a clue as to what the meaning of love is from an Islamic viewpoint. In this chapter, and in verse 18, we read the following:

“At length, when they came

To a valley of ants,

One of the ants said:

‘O ye ants, get into

Your habitations, lest Sulaiman (Solomon)

And his hosts crush you

(under foot) without knowing it. (Qur’an, 27:18)

Love Lessons From The Ants

The ant, to outward appearance is a very small and humble creature. In the great pomp and circumstances of the world of lovers, she (generic feminine in Arabic), may be neglected or even trampled upon by lovers who mean no harm. Yet, by her sincere love and wisdom, she carries on her own life full of love within her own sphere (habitations), with unalloyed enthusiasm. From this we learn that,

  • For love to occur between two people they both have to be present.
  • Lovers have to live within the same vicinity or surroundings.
  • They also have to care for each other – removing each other from harms’s way.
  • They have to be forgiving and considerate to each other – as well as to others. One of the ants said – ” O ye ants, get into your habitations, lest Solomon and his hosts crush you without knowing“.

The biological and physical facts of the universe could not have been known before modern technological break-through. How could Muhammad (peace be upon him), an unlettered Prophet describe what goes on between ants? It’s rather so unfortunate that many true lovers are unaware of the intense love between ants and, as such treat their partners as if they were chattels. The rising divorce rate around the world in general, and in many Muslim countries in particular, are unacceptable – and stands as a betrayal of the teachings of their Holy Book, The Holy Qur’an.

Beware of people who would tell you after having fallen head over heels in love: ” I love you more than the love ants have for one another. ” This expression of love could be a hyperbole – indeed, it could just turn out to be a meretricious expression with no real feelings behind it. Their expression of love must be shown in words and in deeds. It has been recently found out by scientist that every interaction between ants springs forth from their lofty and very sincere love for each other. In effect ants have a love for each other that can’t be found by any other creature on earth.

An Eloquent Description Of True Love

Now what is the meaning of love actually? The Muslims learned the true meaning of love through Qur’anic verses like this:

“…They are your garments

And ye are their garments…” (Qur’an, 2:187)

This is an eloquent definition of true love. The fabric used in making this “garment” is love. According to this definition of love, men and women (in love) are each other’s “garments”. In love, there is mutual support; in love there is mutual comfort; in love there is mutual protection. Lovers fitting into each other as a garment fits the body.

Let’s bear in mind that the garments mentioned above are supposed to be custom-made. They are to be made as the buyer specifies. To be sure, you would not purchase a garment you don’t like. You would also not become the “garment” for someone you don’t love. This is a clear indictment against those Muslims who would force their young girls to marry men they would otherwise not consider as bedfellows. There should never be a marriage that is devoid of mutual love. Much to this writer’s indignation, this practice is still prevalent in some Muslim communities in Africa (and even in some parts of the Middle East and South Asia).

The Prophet of Islam. Muhammad (peace be upon him) made a famous description about love when he said:

” We have not seen anything better for lovers other than marriage.” (related by Ibn Majah).

This means that, every romantic relationship should end in marriage. In other words, marriage is what is to found at the top of the “love mountain”. Therefore, according to Islam, love is said to be deficient if either (or both of the lovers) aren’t interested in tying the knot.

God Is The Source Of Every Love

In accordance with Muslim belief, the source of all love is the only true God. The God of Islam is neither remote nor abstract. He is the Real Lord of the universe, whose love swells the hearts and intoxicates the souls. Those who seek Him do not have to depend on the vicarious conviction of the priest, or the arguments in the books to assure them that He exists. They can feel His existence in themselves, as well as in both animate and inanimate objects around them. This is not the prerogative of the “spiritualists”. Any layman who follows His guidance and seeks his presence will find Him close to themselves.

In Islam, lovers find a God who responds to their call. But how did the Muslims get to know God – the true source of every conceivable love? It was through the chain of Prophets, starting with Adam – who was the first true lover to his wife – Eve, and ended with Muhammad – God’s final messenger to all mankind. Some prominent prophets who came between Adam and Muhammad were Nuh (Noah), Ibrahim (Abraham), Musa (Moses) and Isa (Jesus), God’s peace and mercy be upon them all. These prophets were all humans, they ate, slept and had wives (except Jesus), who will marry at his second coming. These great prophets were all true lovers.

How Is God Connected To Love and Mercy?

Someone might ask: How is God connected to love? And how is He the source of every love? The answer is provided in the following Qur’anic verse:

” And among His signs

Is this, which He created

For you mates from among

Yourselves, that ye may

Dwell in tranquility with them,

And He has put love and Mercy

Between your (hearts): Verily

In those are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30:21)

If God has put love and mercy between our hearts, then He is the source of every love and mercy that we can conceive of. It also means that God is the owner of both love and mercy. This is true because, you can’t give out something you don’t own. You have to own it first before giving it out to someone else.

In The Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

True Love Is Based Upon Kindness And Friendliness

The type of love and mercy stated above should be based on truth. It has to settle in the innermost core of the hearts. It has to generate a longing for one another. It is that sort of love that has fallen upon the soul, the senses, the entire body. In this manner, lovers find in each other, a peace of mind, a reassurance, and a deep-rooted sense of security.

With God in mind, the love between lovers continue to grow every day – defying time and place. It indeed compares favorably with a waterfall whose water increase – rather than decreases – all because this is a type of love that has been built upon the purity of purpose – not upon deception by sophistry – but directly connected to God.


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What Is The Meaning Of True Love – A Paradigm Shift

If true love is to be understood as a derivative of our shared consciousness; our common experiences; the small things we all know about love; the characters in our stories; the morals those stories carry about love; then true love is what we absorb as we grow up; that type of love we see and hear so often that we call it the only form of love. Out of true love comes behavior. True love could also be derived from the land, tools, materials, family; neighbors and nature. In most parts of the world, our leanings towards true love are still more powerful than our leanings toward fake love. It’s for this reason that true love is pure and endures forever – no matter the circumstances – as opposed to fake love that is alluring but fades away quickly.

True Love Wears No Makeup But It’s Alluring Perfume Makes It Smell Like Heaven

  • True love is priceless. It’s that type of love that has attained a considerable degree of maturity.
  • True love is priceless and the size of the wedding cake or the cost of the wedding ring pales in comparison.
  • True love is unshackled. It’s like the robin that just caught the first worm in Spring.
  • True love is the type of love that surrenders itself in marriage. It is susceptible to renewal, and it grows.
  • True love is like the soil. It is being cultivated carefully so that seeds planted into it will grow effortlessly.

  • True love opposes every obstacle, with perseverance, patience and a soothing language.
  • True love is when the prevailing ambiance between two couples is nothing but mutual affection and magnanimity.
  • True love is overwhelming and it is that type of love you find yourself incapable of walking away from.

True Love Described As A Camel

A Camel’s mouth has a thick leathery lining, allowing it to chew thorny desert plants- without getting hurt – just like true love, it is able to “chew” the thorny issues within a relationship and still remains committed.

  • Camels have large feet that helps them to walk on sand without sinking in. Unlike fake love, true love makes  couples walk on the hot desert sand without sinking. In a true love relationship, couples are able to cut through complex issues that exist within the relationship and forge consensus.
  • Camels have nostrils that can open and close to keep out blowing sand. Just like true love. It shuts out the blowing and invading winds of fake love  that may come to destroy the relationships. In other words, a true lover wouldn’t accept a fake lover. A true lover identifies and keeps a distance away from fake lovers.
  • Camels have three eyelids and two rows of long eye lashes that protect their eyes from blowing sand.  And true love has the same “three eyelids and two rows of long eyelashes” that protect it from the blowing sand of  fake love.
  • Camels store fat in their hump, not water. True love stores affection, tenderness, compassion and genuineness – not hatred, ruthlessness, indifference and ostentation.

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Free Short Love Stories – At The Dinner Table 2

A Once Resolute Woman Was Now Looking Pathetic

What was unusual about Alyssa’s Mom’s is her now pathetic mood. Alyssa and her siblings had grown to recognize their Mom as a firm and resolute woman who was always as steadfast as an Old Testament Prophet in facing adversities. She was that kind of woman who cared mostly about the quality of a cup at the expense of what it contained. Her introspective examination of her motives led her to conclude that she must have been at fault in the type of men she chose to fall in love with. She used that opportunity to educate her three daughters—Mia, Jessica and Alyssa about how they should conduct their love lives. She now wanted to make sure that none of them would repeat the mistakes she had done.

As their Mom sat up, supporting her back with the creamed colored backrest of her arm chair, and supporting her body with the two orange pillows placed on both sides of the seat cushion, she placed her arms on the armrest cushion and looked straight into Alyssa’s eyes. By this time the living room had now acquired a dark, hushed mood, full of the silence of several years of guilt. Tightening her face into the mask of an ex-convict, and, as if fortifying her self to tell Alyssa what she’d held back from her for the past 25 years, she said—with teary eyes:

Alyssa’s Mom Asking For Forgiveness

“Alyssa. I ask for your forgiveness. I do believe in God’s forgiveness after you’d forgiven me.”

“Mom, I’m not a priest…what’s going on?” Alyssa cried out.

Slowly, and painfully, her Mom begun to tell her story:

“To some degree or another, most of us carry life-long regrets for words once spoken in haste, or behavior that might have damaged relationships. Before we pass away, we deserve the time to express ourselves and find release from these inner demons. There are people to whom we may want to express, with or without words—our deep feelings of affection, appreciation and apology… as living beings, we are not allowed to know how our time on earth may slip away…”

“Mom, what’s all that for?” Alyssa cried out impatiently while her other two siblings looked, Isabella and Mia looked perplexed.

“I’d met your Dad when we were both in jail—that was medieval at best –with little food, few beds, no activities, not even electricity. Some inmates had stayed beyond their sentences simply because there was no money to send them home.

He’d been accused of a crime he never committed. Being a foreigner, he had no any recourse to the law…”

“Mom, are you saying you and Dad had been together in the can before?” Alyssa asks.


“And you never mentioned it to us?”

“Alyssa, I was terribly afraid of the consequences”

“Damn the consequences, I want to know the truth right now.” Alyssa insisted. her two other siblings were getting more confounded.

“What had been your crime Mom?”

“Alyssa, spare me these questions, you are not a judge!”

“I’d committed no crime…”

“And you were in jail?”

“It was a set up…yes, a set up by a man I was deeply in love with…that Chinese man – who I never got to marry.”

She Opens Up On Her Failed Romantic Life

Alyssa’s Mom retreated into a long silence. Those few words of their Mom had a narcotic effect on Alyssa in particular, and before she could say anything else, Alyssa nodded away in sleep.

Her emotional story was very cathartic—recounting it actually allowed her to release buried emotions. As tears continued to flow down her bony cheeks in alarming quantity, she lamented her decision twenty-five years ago to have agreed to marry a man she met in jail—Alyssa’s Dad. She now says it was her marriage to that man that altered her love life forever. She was actually seeking forgiveness from her three daughters—for having allowed her self to be used and dumped by one man after another. Each of her three kids had different fathers who had all walked away from her. Had she adhered to the lessons taught to them by Grandma at the dinner table, she wouldn’t have had to regret over the past and wished it hadn’t happened.

Ayssa’s Mom continued:

“Yes. I have made many romantic connections with men. I have also lost many of those connections. I have even had a date ask me if it was cool to get another woman’s number while we were out camping.

All of these experiences didn’t help me grow. Alyssa’s Mom confesses.

“But almost nothing had contributed to my low esteem and failure in romance like when I didn’t know it was time for me to walk away from a man that I knew wasn’t right until it was too late – when I was either dumped or got pregnant and kicked out. Alyssa’s recounts with bitterness.

Turning to her three daughters she asked with a guttural voice:

“You girls, tell me, when was the last time you chose to willingly end a relationship with a guy you were attracted to?”

Alyssa’s Mom continued:

” I would do everything in your power to “win” mens over. I would chase endlessly, pretend to be a friend for months or years, disrespect my own precious time, and even let myself get walked over — all because I couldn’t let go of this one man – until it was rather too late! I wished that you all shared the same biological father.

Then Alyssa’s Mom drops the bombshell:

“Alyssa, I have been asking for forgiveness from you because, during your pregnancy, I made several attempts to abort it. I hated your Dad so much. When that wasn’t successful, I then attempted to end my life and that of yours by committing suicide. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care. But God (with His unlimited mercy) saved the both of us.

Looking back, guilt and pain have now become terrible exchanges for Alyssa’s Mom for several wasted years of failed romance!


What had been bothering Alyssa and her siblings after their Mom’s unusual confessing was that, why all the emphasis on how women should conduct their romantic lives? Does it mean men don’t also make mistakes in the quest for love? Why was she blaming her self for all that happened to her love life and not the men who had also contributed to her plight? Does this mean that whenever love fails, women should take the blame?

Or that, it is only mothers who always have to seek forgiveness from their children whenever they realize they are at the wrong side of love and pregnancy occurs and a life is brought to the world? Why should women be more circumspect when it comes to choosing a man than men? Does it mean that women are always at the short end of the love stick?

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I sat up, supported my back with the creamed colored wall beside the bed, and looked straight into Mama’s eyes. The room acquired a dark, hushed mood, full of the silence of several years of guilt. Tightening her face into the mask of an ex-convict, and, as if fortifying her self to tell me what she’d held back from me for the past 24 years, she said—with teary eyes:

“Ayoma. I ask for your forgiveness. I do believe in God’s forgiveness after you’d forgiven me.”

“Mama, I’m not a priest…what’s going on?” I cried out.

Slowly, and painfully, Mama begun to tell her story:

“To some degree or another, most of us carry life-long regrets for words once spoken in haste, or behavior that might have damaged relationships. Before we pass away, we deserve the time to express ourselves and find release from these inner demons. There are people to whom we may want to express, with or without words—our deep feelings of affection, appreciation and apology… as living beings, we are not allowed to know how our time on earth may slip away…”

“Mama, what’s all that for?” I cried out impatiently.

“I’d met your Dad when we were both in jail—that was medieval at best –with little food, few beds, no activities, not even electricity. Some inmates had stayed beyond their sentences simply because there was no money to send them home.


“You mean Mia’ss Dad?”





Free Short Love Stories – At The Dinner Table

On An Unusually Cold Evening In Winter

Alyssa recollects how, one day, her Mom brought her and her other two siblings, Mia and Jessica together for a chat. She was was the youngest of three. She says It was an unusually cold winter evening, and they had made some log-fire in the living room to keep their bodies warm.

Alyssa’s Mom was actually narrating to them a memorable occasion on her eighteenth birthday – she is now sixty-five! According to her Mom, during one week-end, on her eighteenth birthday, she invited five of her classmates to her home for a sleepover and a party the next day. They were Emma, Emily, Sarah, Nadia and Isabella. Emma was the oldest and Nadia, the youngest.”

Alyssa’s Mom narrated to them that:

After wining and dining until the next day morning, which was a Friday night, her friends and herself went to bed and slept until 5 p.m. the next day. Before they woke up, Alyssa’s Grandma and Grandpa had already prepared dinner and set the table. As they sat around the table eating, one of her Mom’s friends, Emma, giggled nervously when their grandma congratulated her on the costume she was wearing. According Alyssa’s Mom, Nadia was a tall, beautiful and a sixteen-year old, who had already started dating.

Mom Describes Grandpa’s Personality

Alyssa then goes to say that, during their chat in the living room that evening, a wave of nostalgia overtook her Mom, as she tried to recall the halcyon days of her youth. Using her bare hands to wipe out tears dropping freely down her cheeks, she said:

“Your Grandpa had been a very jovial person. He was tall, with wispy brown hair, a face of great benignity set on a gangling body. During his lifetime, he behaved with others with benignity and benevolence. When he was alive, people extended their hands of cooperation toward him. They honored and respected him. They shed tears after his death. He led such an agreeable life that no one had any complaint against him, nor did he cause any harm to anyone during his lifetime. He always attracted others to himself. So since his death fifteen years ago, he has always been remembered in good words. Undoubtedly, a tree that has a thick trunk tends to have many branches.”

Trying to balance her self on the sofa she was sitting on, Alyssa’s Mom continued:

“As Emma, Isabella, Emily, Sarah, Nadia and myself sat around the table eating our dinner, little did we realize it was going to be an unforgettable dinner. Indeed, the mother of all dinners. Your grandparents later joined us on the dinner table”. Pausing for a moment, she continued:

Grandpa Embarrasses Alyssa’s Mom

“Your Grandpa had realized Nadia’s gorgeous costume and said:

“Nadia, who’s that lucky guy in your life?”

“There’s nobody yet.”

“Aren’t you dating at the moment?”

“I used to, but right now, I have stopped.”

“Stopped permanently?”

After a brief silence, and speaking as if a bone had been stuck in her gullet, Nadia answered:

“No, temporarily.”

“I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed all along as your Grandpa continued asking my friend about her private life. I had invited Nadia – the most beautiful among us, and my other four classmates for a sleepover to celebrate my birthday party and nothing else.

After all whether she’d been dating or not was none of your Grandpa’s business. Your Grandpa continued:

“Do you mean you have not given up on men yet?”

“No, not at all. It’s only that I’ve now gotten frustrated because I can’t find the man of my dreams.”

“The man of your dreams?” your Grandpa asked.

“Yes, a smart, handsome, tall, intelligent, well-educated and wealthy man.” Nadia explains.

Turning his attention to my other friend, Emma, who was nineteen, he inquired:

“Are you also in the same dilemma?”

“Of course I am. It seems to me that all the smart guys have died alongside the dinosaur.” Emma asserted.

Alyssa’s Grandma Heads Into The Kitchen

Alyssa’s Mom continues:

A feeling of shock and discouragement engulfed all of us at the table. Your Grandma hadn’t spoken a word until now. I watched in blank dismay as she got up and headed to the kitchen. After a few minutes inside, she returned with a large jar of fresh orange juice. She then went back to the kitchen and later returned with an assortment of cups—porcelain, plastics, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, asking us to help ourselves to fresh orange juice.

When all of us had a cup of fresh orange juice in hand, giving a chuckle of delight,

Your Grandma said:

“If you all notice, all the nice-looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.”

Your Grandma continued:

“While it is quite normal for you all to want only the best for yourselves, that also serves as a source of your anguish. What all of you really wanted to drink was fresh orange juice, not the cups. However, all of you consciously went for the better cups, and surprisingly enough, you are eyeing each other’s cups!”

Alyssa’s Mom narrates:

Leaning toward Isabella who had been sitting next to her on her right side, Your Grandma said:

“These cups are like the sort of men you young girls have been searching unsuccessfully for. These cups are nothing but tools that contain the fresh orange juice you are all drinking. The quality of the orange juice you put in any other cup, whether a cheap and a plastic one or an exquisite one doesn’t change. What matters is the orange juice—not the cups. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cups, we fail to enjoy the orange juice in them.”

Alyssa’s Mom continues her narrative:

At once every one of us at the dinner table, including your Grandpa looked pensive. We were all at a lost as to where your Grandma was coming from. None of us seemed to have the slightest idea of what she was trying to say.

The Orange Juice Gives Nourishment – Not The Cups!

Looking straight into Alyssa’s Mom’s eyes, Her Grandma said:

“It’s natural for every young girl at your age to dream of dating the smartest and the most handsome of all men. That’s the reason why all of you chose to drink the orange juice from the most expensive and exquisite cups. I intentionally chose a variety of cups to see what type of cup each of you chooses to have their orange juice. My worst fears were confirmed as I saw all of you going for the more expensive ones. As if that wasn’t enough, I saw how each of you eyed one another’s cup. You were more concerned about the type of cups, their appearances, than the orange juice itself.”

Pausing for a moment, your Grandma continued:

“The orange juice is what would give you nourishment, not the cups. The orange juice is the love that would sustain you and who ever you chooses to date and subsequently marry. You should have rather concentrated on the quality of the orange juice—not the quality of these cups. The cups represent those men you are all aspiring to date, and the orange juice also represent the love you should have been more concerned about.”

Men Are Like Containers Of Love!

Alyssa’s Grandma continued:

“As for the men of your dreams, they act like containers of love. They may only be empty containers. Even though, outwardly they could be pleasant-looking like those cups you all chose. They (men) could even have personalities that can charm animals and confuse plants, but inwardly, their characters will not necessarily be solid. With a grim face, the old lady said: “Now you girls, tell me, what is the use of an exquisite and expensive cup if it can’t contain liquids?”

Alyssa’s Mom said:

“Having said all that, your Grandma kissed the old man on his forehead and left the dining room. For about five minutes none of us uttered a word. We all tried to be stoic about your Grandma’s statements, but as soon as we left the dinner table and returned to my bedroom, we all began to cry and bang our foreheads on the floor. For about ten minutes none of us could look into one another’s face.

We felt so ashamed of ourselves that we just slipped unnoticed through a back door of our house and left. The old lady was right.” Alyssa’s Mom concluded.

Turning to Jessica, the oldest of Alyssa’s sisters, Her Mom said:

“Age has its privileges, not least among them is the opportunity to distill whatever wisdom come from a long life of experience.”

At this point, Alyssa’s Mom then started weeping uncontrollably. Her Mom’s speech was so filled with pathos that there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. At this time the log-fire was getting dimmer and coldness began to set in. It was already mid-night and the neighborhood was becoming quiet. Alyssa could see how, Jessica and her other sibling, Mia tried in vain to calm down their Mom. It seemed to them that she’d regretted for a mistake she did in the past, and was now trying to advise them against falling into the same pit.

Continued Here.

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Love In Islam – Questions And Answers

The word Islam means voluntary “Submission” or “Surrender” to the Will of God. It is derived from the root word “Salaam”, meaning peace.Islam is a natural way of life that encourages one to give due attention to their relationship with God and His creation. Islam teaches that it is through the doing of good deeds and seeking the pleasure of God that souls find true happiness and peace.

According to researchers at the Pew Research Center,

“While the world’s population is projected to grow 32% in the coming decades, the number of Muslims is expected to increase by 70% – from 1.8 billion in 2015 to nearly 3 billion in 2060. In 2015, Muslims made up 24.1% of the global population. Forty-five years later, they are expected to make up more than three-in-ten of the world’s people (31.1%).” Michael Lipka and Conrad Hacket.

Question: How Do Muslims Understand Love?

Let’s open the Holy Qur’an – The Muslim’s Holy Book and read the following verse:

” Fair in the eyes of men

Is the love of things they covet;

Women and sons;

Heaped-up hoards

Of gold and silver; horses

Branded (for blood and excellence);

And (wealth of) cattle

And well-tilled land.

Such are the possessions

Of this world’s life;

But with Allah

Is the best of the goals

(To return to).” Qur’an,3:14.

We realize from the above verse that the pleasures of this world are enumerated: Women for love; sons for strength and pride; hoarded riches, that procure all luxuries; the best and finest pedigree of horses; cattle, the measure of wealth in the ancient world (and even during the present era); as well as the means of and symbol of good farming in the modern world;  broad acres of well-tilled land; and finally, the heaped-up hoards of gold and silver.

What we notice immediately after reading this verse is the relationship that occurs between a man and a woman. That relationship is bonded together by love – not by coercion. God has preceded all other things that are coveted by men in this life with the love for women ( this appeals to men the most). We also realize from this verse that the love that occurs actually has to occur between a man and a woman – not between a man and another man. God has even preceded the love for sons with the love of women; the love of wealth; and all that men regard as sources of power that they want to take exclusive possession of .

From this verse, we notice the strong relationship between love and sexual instincts.

Question: How Does Islam Regulate The Powerful Relationship Between Love And Sexual Instincts?

Islam does not base the knowledge of vice and virtue on mere intellect, desire, intuition, or experience derived through the sense organs – which constantly undergo shifts, modifications and alterations; and do not provide definite, categorical and unchanging standards of morality. Rather, it provides us with a definite source – the Divine Revelation as embodied in the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah, the way of life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). These sources provide a standard or moral conduct that is permanent and universal and holds good in every age and under any circumstance.

According to Islam, making love to one’s wife is considered an act of worship and therefore rewarded by God. In the light of that the powerful relationship that exists between love and sex has to be regulated in order for it to attain the status of worship.

The Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said: “… and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” His companions asked: “O Messenger of God, when one of us fulfills his sexual desire will he have some reward from that?” The Prophet answered: ” Do you [not] think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise if he has acted upon it  lawfully he would have reward.” (Related by Muslim). What this means is that sexual acts are rewarded if done lawfully and are sinful if done unlawfully.

Al-Masjid an-Nabawi – Medina, Saudi Arabia

Question: What Is The Relationship Between Love And Marriage In Islam?

The Prophet of Islam indicated – albeit in very few words – the relationship between love and marriage in Islam.

” We have not seen anything better for (two) lovers other than marriage.” (Related by Ibn Majah). In other words, the trip of a person traveling on the highway of love should end in the city of marriage. It also means that no love is true love in the eyes of Islam if it falls short of ending in marriage. Islam frowns upon the idea of “playing house” for few months or even few years and later abandoning ship. Love is said to be deficient and (even fake) if it is not authenticated by marriage.

Islam has therefore laid down a safe passage through which romantic partners should take during their trip on the highway of love. This highway isn’t supposed to be serpentine. It’s supposed to be straight and short. This is meant to protect travelers on this highway from falling into potholes. Therefore, according to Islam, it’s imperative that, once the aura of love begin to make rounds between two people belonging to the opposite sex, there is the urgent need to effect a marriage contract.

There is no need to waste time or indulge oneself in reexamining the relationships over and over. This does not mean compelling people to marry others they do not love. The reason is that, at this moment, it’s only the heart that is supposed to take charge – not the head. A man might say: ” I do not know this girl very well, and she doesn’t also know me well too, I intend to get more acquainted with her habits and her lifestyle. I wish to befriend her for a while.” A girl in love might also delay marriage for similar reasons.

I should emphasize here that there is no forced marriage in Islam. Forced marriage occurs when a man or woman is coerced by the family to marry, using threats, emotional blackmail, fraud, and even bribes. Or when it is arranged against the person’s will, without their consent or consent under duress. That is not considered a marriage in the eyes of Islam. It is oppression and abuse. Marriage in Islam requires ijab (proposal) qubul (acceptance). Forcing a woman to marry a man means that there was no qubul – the right of every woman, regardless of her age. Without it the marriage is a sham.

Question: Are Love Marriages Tolerated In Islam?

To be on the safer side, arranged marriages are the cultural norm for many Muslims across the world. Men and women of marriageable age may meet their future spouses through family or friends. Generally speaking, Muslims do not “date” in the popular Western cultural sense. Therefore, many potential romantic couples look to arranged marriages as a means to realize their dreams. The general expectation is that the seed of love has already started to deepen it’s roots within the hearts of the couples involved in an arranged marriage – and (expected) to continue to grow after they have tied the knot. Before any potential romantic partners are considered, families as a unit decide the values and characteristics that they should essentially possess so that they will have a satisfying life together.

The customary period of courtship varies from one culture to another. And also from one family to the other. After an initial introduction, it is required by Islam to grant prospective grooms and brides some chances to meet in private and get to know each other under supervision. Some families encourage the potential couple to go out in public, usually in a group setting. People can be introduced through families, well-meaning community members, matchmaking services, on-line matrimonial sites, through Muslim clerics, teachers and friends with the original goal being marriage. Perhaps a better term for it should be an arranged love marriage.

After a man from the Ansar (translated literally as “helpers”), proposed to a woman and informed the Prophet about it, he asked: “Did you look at her?” His answer was an emphatic “No.” The Prophet then said: Then go and look at her, surely there is something in the eyes of the Ansar. The Ansar were the people who helped the Prophet ( p.b.u.h) after he emigrated to Medina from Mecca. The Prophet (p.b.u.h) also said to Mugheera, the son of Shu’ba (one of his companions), who informed him of his proposal to a certain woman. “Go and look at her, for it’s likely that (through your looking at each other), the feeling of affection and companionship would occur between you.


There is no human being on earth unless he or she has a heart that throbs and two eyes that see. As humans, we all yearn for love, compassion, and affection. Indeed, the human heart is never devoid of an atom of sympathy and mercy. In the same manner, the two eyes cannot also be deprived of looking and appreciating beauty. But it’s the usage of these yearnings that matters. They could be directed towards corrupting the society of reforming it.

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