He was good company, and did not burden me with worries and problems. He walked through life with enviable insouciance. This writer eventually came to the conclusion that, trying to make him understand the meaning of true love was only a gamble. Indeed, it was as uncertain as “throwing your wallet into a crowded street and hoping your wife would catch it” Joe had lured a woman into a relationship shinning with a lot of small bright flashes of fake love! It was only after Joe left his partner for another woman did she realize she had lost the ultimate battle for his heart. So what exactly is in a healthy relationship? in a male-dominated world, and in a world of romantic relationships; dreams and deception are likely to continue to occupy the center stage for a long time to come.
Undoubtedly, there is no human being on earth unless they have a heart that throbs and two eyes that see. The human heart does not become devoid of an atom of sympathy and mercy. But it is the usage of those yearnings that determine our relationships with one another. These yearnings could be directed toward corrupting our relationships or reforming and making them healthy. There is no doubt that every young man or woman might have had a relationship with the opposite sex that could have been real or imagined.
The Story Of The Woodcutters’s Wife
For a relationship to be considered a healthy one, both parties must complement each other’s efforts – and be good at that. There is a story of a woman who wanted to complement her husband’s efforts in order to create a healthy relationship between her and her husband. She exhibited all the ingredients of a true lover who purposely work to create harmony in her marriage relationship. This was a story narrated by the Messenger of God, Muhammad (peace be upon him), to his companions. The Prophet said:
” I inquired from a certain woman whose husband was a woodcutter about how she treated her husband and she said: ‘ My husband is a woodsman – he cuts and gathers wood in the mountains; he then descends to sell them. He then uses his earnings to buy all that we need in our home. I always identify and empathize with his experience up in the mountains and share with him that sort of hardship he has to go through for the sake of our livelihood. I also do feel (within me) the severity of the thirst he has to endure up in the mountains and that almost scorched my throat too.'”
The woodcutter’s wife continues: “Due to this, I always prepared for him a good drinking water – so that anytime he comes back, he finds it readily available. Before he comes home, I tidy up the home – keeping everything in its rightful place. I then set the table. I then make sure I am gorgeously dressed – awaiting his return; as soon as he enters; I would welcome him in such a manner as a bride would do for a bridegroom with whom she was deeply in love. I would do this in a total submission of myself. Then when he needs rest, I would aid him unto it; and when he needs me, I would fall not his arms (allowing him play with me) in such a manner as a father would play with his little girl…”
This poor and hard-working woodcutter of a man had to endure the scorching sun of Arabia up in the mountains, to be able to fend for his family, his wife did her part in providing him with a relaxed and conducive ambiance – thus helping in creating a healthy relationship within the matrimonial home.
In A Healthy Relationship, The Man Is Also Required To Reciprocate
A man is required to reciprocate the love and caring and also the empathy given to him by his wife. There should be a win-win situation in every relationship for it to be considered to be a healthy one. To begin with, the man is required to provide his wife with adequate financial support. Let’s be honest: Money is not love, but money supports love.
A woman, whether single or married should be considered as an individual in her own right. She has the right to own and dispose of her property and earnings without any guardianship over her (whether that be her father, husband or anyone else). She has the right to buy and sell, give gifts and charity, and may spend her money as she pleases. These are some basic rights that anyone in a healthy relationship should uphold. The natural differences between the sexes entitles the weaker sex to some degree of maintenance and protection.
In a healthy relationship, a man’s role of leadership in relations to his family does not mean dictatorship over his wife. Indeed, it implies no superiority or advantage before the law. Islam tries to maintain a healthy relationship between married people as far as possible, especially if children are concerned. It will check hasty action as far as possible, and leave the door of reconciliation open at many stages – even after a divorce – a suggestion of reconciliation is made. In order that the existing love between couples is not trapped in inertia, and become unhealthy, there is always the need for lovers to develop unique gifts of cutting through complex issues affecting their relationship and forging consensus.
But how can lovers actually cut through complex issues affecting their relationship and forge a consensus if they hesitate to sit on the bargaining table to negotiate between themselves the nitty-gritty of their relationships – answering the questions of who gets what, when and how in a healthy relationship?
There are rules in every game and, if we consider every relationship as a game between two individuals wanting to create a win-win situation, then that will require some basic rules that must be adhered to by both partners. Some of these rules are:
- Empathizing with each other
- Sacrificing for each other
- Being considerate and affectionate
- Recognizing and according each other the rights they deserve.
- Humility, patience and true love
- Being playful
Having the cerebral knowledge on how to create a healthy relationship is not enough. Indeed, this must be accompanied by the willingness to implement these basic rules.
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